Having a real difficult time right now in my life. I have been living homeless on the street for 3 weeks now and a still haven’t received a job or an apartment. My family has completely banished me and I have been lost in my homelessness. I have been questioning reality and life lately and I really don’t understand why this has to be me!? I don’t deserve this! I most certainly don’t like it!
Okay, so let’s back up. You’re asking how did I end up homeless. How? It started with a proposal and ended with a tragic breakup. Well, okay, that sounds dramatic. It ended in a sorrowful breakup. No, that sounds too downing. Hmm, let’s just say it ended with a breakup. I met Eugene Eckley on December 24 and he proposed to me over the phone the night before. Whoa, back that up! Okay, so December 23rd Mr. Eugene Eckley called me and I talked to him on the phone for 100 minutes. We talked bout us and our lives and then he ended up proposing to me on the phone. I accepted and moved in with him the next day. The relationship lasted for a mere twenty days and then it collapsed. I moved out and ended up on the streets.
Whoa! Too fast there! I know, right? Okay I will slow down. First off, we broke up over a boy. Second off, I didn’t really love Mr. Gene and he really didn’t love me. The real truth is: He was only clinging to me because i’m the only 18 year old guy he could get that would want to love a 50 year old man (Yes, you heard it right! He was 50. Need me to help you with that barf bag?). Thirdly, this relationship was getting way too abusive and emotionally tearing me down. And Finally and fourthly, We weren’t sexually compatible. So I left him and ended up living on the street in State College.
You know, I was okay with being homeless for a while, but now it’s starting to get to me. I mean, like I’m starting to feel self destructive and like a vandal. I wanna smash bottles and smoke some weed. I wanna get drunk and kill myself in the process. Ugh, I’m going so crazy. I feel so weird. What’s happening to me? I need some help. All this stress is getting to me and my sleep is depriving me. Someone said I am developing sleep apnea, which is bad. What the hell is happening to me?
Oh, and I’m starting to question the existence of God in this world. Is God for real? Is He really who He says He is? Is it just a made up fantasy? What am i doing here? What the hell is my problem? What’s happening to me? God, if you’re real, save me from this hell I’m living. Bring me back to life and wake me up from this nightmare. Save me. I beg of you. Give me the strength to make it through this day and night. Give me the guts to keep on living and pursuing the truth. If you’re for real, please hear my cry and give heed to it. Thank you, Jesus.
So, anyways, like I’m real deep in sh*t here. I stay at the Out Of The Cold Program during the evening, but like i still have to find a place to sleep during the day and food to eat. I am getting down to eating 1 meal a day and I am feeling real stressed these days. I’m getting more tired everyday to this stress and am thinking suicidal, obscene, and perverted thoughts. I need a serious break! I am trying so hard to get a job and find an apartment to live in. It’s real hard! But i guess this is reality for me. Kinda f***ed up, if you ask me.
My parents have completely banished me due to this article: http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archive/2013/01/24/Local_churches_offer_sanctuary_during_cold.aspx
I was only being honest. I didn’t tell any lies! For real! Unbelievable sh*t! Well, i guess this is life? Right? Noone ever said life was gonna be easy, i guess. Why me? I most certainly don’t deserve this. But hopefully things will get better sooner. I really hope so.
Guys, just please pray for me and keep me in your thoughts. Thanks =0