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Archive for May, 2013
I recently took a psychic reading and here were my test results:
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness refers to one’s ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to work and play hard. The benefits of being moderate in easygoingness are that you achieve success through hard work, but you also know when and how to relax. Your colleagues and friends likely consider you as reliable and fun to be around.
Being moderate in easygoingness can cause you some stress, however. For example, you may sometimes find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently, which can cause stress for both you and the people around you. You may occasionally experience stress by working hard to reach your goals, but you value having fun and just relaxing. Knowing how to balance both work and play is a gift, and you have the key ingredients for doing this.
You have enough mental flexibility to think creatively and enough focus to implement those ideas well. This might be epitomized by your occasional difficulty focusing on subtle details, but the ease with which you’re able to adjust to changes in your life.
As someone who is neither rigid nor careless, you likely get along with most people well. On the one hand, you recognize the value of working hard and therefore consider such qualities in others beneficial. On the other hand, you know how to relax and thus appreciate people that know how to do this too. Chances are your friends and colleagues perceive you as someone that works hard, but also knows how to have a good time.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With your strong degree of confidence, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you’re likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone who is shares your level of self-control.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people who are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people who cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people who share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
This does sound like me 100%. Wow! They are real good! What do you think?
He sat there with a knife in his hand moments away from cutting his wrist. He had enough with his b.s. life and searching for love. He was done with everything. The holiday was near and he was going to be alone again. His exboyfriend ruined everything by telling the whole town he had HIV and was talking other b.s. about him. He had no clue how he was going to prove that he didn’t have HIV and that his ex was just jealous and trying to ruin his life. He didn’t know and his life seemed out of control. Death clutched the edges of his mind and he shook as he held the knife.
He thought of so many things and he just couldn’t take the stress. How would his friends feel if he died that night? What about his parents? Was this the real solution to the problem? What would happen beyond death? Would God want him to do this? All these questions ran through his mind. Suddenly, he dropped the knife and ran. He ran for miles thinking about his life and what it really meant to others. He still could not see the bright side. He was still thinking of suicide, but this time jumping off a bridge. He kept running. He wanted to do something so bad and end his life, but something was holding him back. He turned back to head back home. He slowly remembered his God and bowed his head. “Dear Jesus, please help me overcome this moment of doom and get back on my feet. Keep me from committing suicide and help me see the bright side. Amen”. He prayed so silently with tears in his eyes and a shaky body. He knew he was so close to committing suicide and he had hope Jesus would save him once again.
As soon as he finished his prayer, he felt like a warm sensation all over his body and felt like his tears were dried away. He felt God’s presence and knew it was there. His heart rate slowed down and there seemed to be peace right there in the middle of the street he was standing on. He then moved to the park. His music was on and he felt like singing. He sang away not giving a care about anything and just enjoyed himself. He sang for an hour and then felt so much better. The Lord Jesus had saved him once more again as he walked home feeling confident he could change his life. Jesus had taken the demons away and saved him.
This was me y’all. Two hours ago. I had a hard fall this evening and it was all because of my ex-boyfriend Tim R. You see, I had put an ad on Craigslist looking for a guy to hang out with this weekend to celebrate the holiday (Yes, I was going to sleep with him if I had to). Tim R, being an asshole (which I am not quite sure what set him off, other than the fact he’s in Las Vegas. I heard Las Vegas can do bad things to you. This is probably unnecessary to say, but he’s probably there at the playboy mansion fucking who ever he wants. Did I mention before that he’s a bigger slut than I am? I should look in the Las Vegas ads. Just saying.), made a separate ad saying I was playing guys and that I had HIV and many other STD’s. I got extremely angry at him and called him a bitch and told him to fuck off. He threatened to get me barred from going to the club ever again and said he was going to put me through hell. I simply told him that the whole town knew he was a sex offender. That was probably a mistake on my part. I probably shouldn’t have stooped to his level because that’s what he wants probably. Anyway, after that I abruptly went home and cried. I then pulled the knife out and sat down at the table and y’all have the story after that.
You don’t know how much I was bothered and upset about this. I mean, sleeping with men has become my sense of security and pleasure. Not anymore. Thanks to Tim R, every guy thinks I have HIV and use every guy. I don’t have HIV and we all know I did have gonorrhea, but was cured. Okay, I DO and have used men before to get a house to live in, but there are some (such as Mike C, my recent boyfriend I slept with and am going to meet monday night.) that I don’t use and try to work a relationship out with. Mark Mickle was one of them too. I just realized things weren’t going to work out when his dick was too thick for me and I didn’t know how to tell him without hurting him (so I cheated on him). So, yes I use men, but there are a select few that I won’t. Mike C is one of them, although I would’ve been cheating on him if I had sex with another guy this weekend (Shame on me! I know, but I didn’t want to be alone this Memorial Day weekend and I haven’t cuddled with someone since Tuesday night. I am longing for that warm feeling of security.
So, there is the real truth for you guys. I have been used and have used other men too. Hope this doesn’t make me a horrible person? You just got to do what you got to do when You are homeless for a while. I’ve been homeless for way too long! Almost a year now! So, it’s not that I am a sick person, I just have made other choices. Besides, my readers, y’all should’ve read between the lines. Anyway I explained what happened after I had the knife. I really was thinking illogically. I thought it was the end of my life and that I had nothing. But now I a realize I would’ve upset many people if I had really gone through the suicide. I have this new friend on Facebook, Henk. I know he would’ve been devastated! Then there is my step family that I’ve created. They would’ve been devastated as well. And I know whoever is reading this would’ve cared too. Although I may not get any comments on my blog (which is ok, I guess), I know people are reading it and following it. And I want to thank y’all for keeping up with me. Thankyou!
Anyways, after I went through that I came right back home and made me some dinner (mashed potatoes with cottage cheese) and am now typing this up to fully release my feelings. So, for all my Peoples in my new group I just started on Facebook, I go through tough times too and look how I used positive coping skills to relieve my stress instead of cutting (prayer, writing singing, and running). This is a perfect example of how you can use your coping skills to avoid cutting. Try it and I guaranteed you it will work (after all, it worked on me, right?). Try it next time you are having that moment.
Anyways, I am going to change my life. I have no choice this time. I can’t move to another state. I can’t just continue what I’m doing and have this bad reputation. I MUST change! I need to straighten my life up and stop sleeping with other men and be committed to Mike C OR if Mike don’t want to be serious then I have a second option. This second option lives in another country and needs help himself. I want to love him so bad and give him my everything, but Mike is here too. So, I am choosing the closest one first (and yes, I know the second one is hoping that this don’t work out so I will love him. Sometimes love hurts, as I have learned by now). I am sorry, but it does hurt me more to know that I am making this decision. It wasn’t an easy one. So, I am going to be committed to Mike C from this moment on. Then if that doesn’t work out I have another option hopefully.
I am also going to just stop posting all these freaking crazy ads and look elsewhere for friends. I’m sure I’ll find some soon enough because I am not a bad person. I am human just like the rest of us. Also, I am going to be more involved in my religion now because this is like the tenth time Jesus has saved me and given me love unconditionally. I turned my back on Him and I was running from him. It stops here. He saved me tonight when I didn’t deserve it. So in return, I rededicate my life to Him tonight and I will live for him. Thankyou Lord Jesus for saving a sinner like me tonight and for giving me peace. I am eternally yours and use me however you want. Thankyou so much! Amen.
So, here it goes. I will make a change and make it better, with God’s help. Thankyou for reading this and for caring too! Love Jonathan.
“There is hope everywhere if You just look around”
Here’s my family tree I have benn building up lately:
Stepmoms: Shannon Msdiva Holliday & Shirley Moffit
Older Sisters: Kendra White & Anna Laws
Older Brothers: Karleem Johnson ,Donald Swauger, and Robert Andy Coombs.
No younger brothers yet. Still looking =)
Younger sisters: Ajane Holliday, Allej’eandria Holliday, and Mari LilBit Holliday
Stepdad: Benjamin Knauss
Some recent friends I’ve made: Tim French, Jason, and Mike C. I am so happy to be making healthy relationships! Thanks everyone! Welcome to my circle!
So, recently I had a few of my readers ask me a few questions and give me some feedback. Here are some of your questions answered! Please ask more! Your opinion counts! Thankyou!
Q; Recently, we’ve been noticing you move on to boyfriend to boyfriend with no hurt or pain. How do you do that?
A; I say I have a steel heart and that there are many more when I break up with them. I’ve become used to breaking up with these people and it doesn’t bother me any longer.
Q; How does it feel being a gay single male in Grand Rapids? Are you accepted in the community there?
A; Yes! Infact, Grand Rapids is a LGBTQ friendly place and have events centered for the LGBTQ Community and takes volunteers for it too. It’s called the West Michigan Gay Pride Center and they also have a gay men’s choir (which I will be joining in fall 2013), I’m going to be volunteering this year at the GayPride Celebration Parade in the beer tent. I am proud to be part of the LGBTQ community here and am proud to be volunteering. I take pride in the LGBTQ Community!
Q; You’re real good at writing about your life. Do you write about other topics or any stories?
A; Yes, but I do not share it with others. I write a little poetry and stories here and there, but nothing worthwhile sharing. My best friend, Karleem Johnson is a great fantasy writer! I envy him because he can write about anything and is really good!
Q; Do you ever get depressed?
A; Of course! I have bipolar and sometimes I get depressed. I tend to keep to myself a lot when I do get depressed, so people don’t see me around when I am.
Q; What is your religion?
A; Christian. I believe and I do try to act like a christian, but I am not perfect and I do tend to be very sinful.
Q; Do you ever see your biography being published and sold as a book?
A; Yes! I wanna make my biography a book one day and use it to help the people who are down out there.
Q; Do you do drugs? Smoke weed?
A; NO! Drugs are just a temporary unhealthy fix to your problems and it isn’t the answer. Yes, I would smoke weed, but I haven’t done it because I know it’s illegal and I don’t need to be going to jail or getting probation.
Well, that’s all today folks! Please ask more questions and I will answer them as soon as I can. Good day! Love Jonathan =)
I haven’t written in three weeks. That’s because I’ve been doing other things as usual. A lot has changed since I last left y’all. For one, Tim and I broke up on our second date. Yeah, you heard right. We broke up. I know I was fantasizing and everything, but I met Roger. I had said no to Roger before, as y’all knew. But he kept bothering me on the phone and I decided to go give him a try. The day before my date with Tim, Roger and I hung out and went to karaoke at Rumors that night. I then slept with Roger that night and although I didn’t like it, I liked him and he was talking all like I could live with him. That day when I went on my date with Tim, I decided I liked Roger better. Afterall, there were some really strange things and questions unanswered with Tim. I’m not going to mention those questions or what was strange, but he did seem to mystify me. It kind of creeped me out. Anyway, I broke up with him and moved on to Roger.
Roger and I spent the next three days together going to karaoke and hanging out at his house. He invited a dude over and it was supposed to be a threesome, but I just watched the dude fuck him and kind of liked it. Roger was all into threesomes and I did get a latino guy to come over, but that turned into a disaster because his dick was uncut and I DON’T like that. So, that was a disaster. We also went on a nice long summer drive, walked the beach, saw Lake Michigan, and just enjoyed our time together. He taught me how to drive too and I drove about 15 miles in his car. I moved in with him after spending a week with him. He also took me to karaoke every monday and Tuesday night. It was fun and I have grown to become quite a karaoke superstar =). I also did visit the ER the one time again for strep throat. I’ll probably have to get my tonsils removed because of my strep throat problems that I am having. Ugh, just my luck.
Anyway, Roger lasted for three weeks and then complications got into the way. I woke up from my fantasy and smelled the real coffee. Here’s the separate story I wrote:
“What happened the last two days:
Yeah, I know. Y’all wanna know what happened lately. Monday night I went to the club with my boyfriend, Roger (Now my exboyfriend). I saw my crush there (Tony) and gave my number to him. Roger got jealous and talked shit to me, which pissed me the fuck off and hurt me. I spent that whole night talking to my friends about it and then Tuesday morning at 5am I decided to take a 2 hour stroll to clear my mind. When I returned, Roger was mad at me and told me I should’ve told him where I was going and gave a hint that he thought I was out with another guy. I passed out around 730am after dealing with him and woke up at 130pm and then he talked more shit and said I wasn’t satisfying enough sexually for him because I wouldn’t suck his dick. I told him fuck you and then decided I was going to move away and that I had enough of living with him.
So i packed my bags for a short trip of three days and told him to drive me to Grand Rapids Downtown. He drove me and then I hung out and got sucked off by a sexy guy who I later found out had a boyfriend. So, that sucks that I helped him cheat. I’m not mentioning any names, because he is discreet about this. We then went out to dinner at Checker’s (I had the large #9 combo-chicken sandwich) and then he dropped me off at Rumors Nightclub. He Said we are going to meet Thursday again. Okay I guess.
Anyways, I sang my first karaoke performance (S&M by Rihanna) and then sat down at my table to wait for my next single (Unfaithful-Rihanna). This guy who looked fairly attractive came up to me and smiled. He looked at me and just told me I was great at singing and that he enjoyed it. Then he proceeded to tell me I was hot and sexy and asked if he could kiss me. I was like, OMG this can’t be happening and told him yes. His kiss was hot and smelled like whiskey and cigarette smoke mixed together with a hint of mint (Which is sexy to me!). I told him to do more and we started the first round of making out. It was fucking hot! We then talked for a while and went out for a smoke (Yes, I smoked one). He then got really physical with me outside and was putting his hands down my pants and making out bigtime with me. It was hot as fuck and I was enjoying every moment of it! My dick was rockhard from it! Haha.
He kissed me and caressed me and did so much more and then it was my time to perform my second single so we went inside. I performed and didn’t do too bad. I then went back to my table and it was making out all over again and talking. I was hard as hell, especially when I put my hand down his shirt….he was hairy! We should all know that hair on a guy’s chest turns me on in huge amounts! I said something about his hairy chest and he was all like it really was nothing. I then proceeded to ask him to fuck me that night. I couldn’t resist it! He was hot and had me all hard. He then invited me to stay at his house that night and cuddle with him. I didn’t say no.
He performed “Yellow” by Coldplay and then we were headed to his little home. He had to take a cab home because apparently he got a DUI the other night (but it was explainable). I cuddled with him in the car and we talked a lot about our lives. I was falling for him real fast and he seemed to become prince Charming right in front of me! He then bought some beer from 711 for him and I (although I didn’t drink it after one sip) and we arrived at his house. He lived in the basement at the moment in his parent’s house. I could care less!
We then proceeded to go into his house and we had the most wildest, sexiest, hottest, and dreamiest sex ever! He sucked me and I him as well and we fucked each other and cuddled and passionately held each other’s hands and talked more about our lives. He was listening to me the whole time and I poured my heart out to him. He told me he was 28 when we first met, but then he got into tears and told me he lied to me. He really was 34 and was afraid I would run if I knew his real age. I understood completely and told him not to be worried about it. I completely understood. We talked and fucked and sucked for hours! It was merely 530am when I decided that we needed to sleep. He agreed and cuddled up with me and his warm body put me to sleep real fast with his hairy chest on my back and his dick on my ass it felt so warm and secure. I dreamed a wonderful dream that him and I were married (Typical, huh?).
Then he woke up me up at 6am saying he needed to head out to drive me back to town. I was half asleep, but he then asked me to fuck him one last time before I left. I agreed to and we made out before he got me into the car and drove me home. I knew he was the right one and asked him to be my boyfriend. He didn’t answer, but I know he will. He agreed that we will be seeing each other more often. I was feeling in love! He dropped me off and we exchanged numbers and kissed goodbye and he was off. I was so sad to see him leave and still haven’t stopped thinking about him at all today. He truly did turn me on like no other guy has and truly did connect with me in many ways. We clicked! I sadly took the bus home dreaming of meeting him again. I truly had a magical fantastical night and I’d never forget it.”
So, that very moment while i took the bus home I decided I had enough and was going to move out for good out of Roger’s house and pursue this new man. I was going to move back to the old insane guy’s house where I was at before I moved in with Roger. Roger was pulling me down into a hole I didn’t want to go in and I needed to leave. He was atheist and that bothered me. He put my religion down and I felt spiritually deprived. Also, Roger was always into threesome and always talked about liking young guys. I was creeped out by that. Plus Roger was always talking about having groups at his house for sex and I just didn’t like the idea of a possible “STD arena”. I wasn’t going to catch another STD again. Plus, Roger really didn’t turn me on. I always I knew I deserved better and chose to get better. I had to fantasize when we had sex and it just didn’t work out. I knew I deserved better and that this new guy was better. Afterall, We emotionally connected in a lot of ways and I didn’t have to fantasize when we had sex. He turned me on immensely and my dick was crazy over his dick. I knew this is was better and decided I needed better.
So, I went home, took a shower, and then Roger picked me up and I packed all my belongings and now Am sitting here homeless again, but motivated to make my life better. I know I made the right decision. I was selling my everything to Roger and was running away from who I truly am. I will never ever again try to do this again and will always make my religion #1. Also, I had learned that I am the one on one sex kind of guy and that I do not like threesome or groups at all. I also learned that I am a full city boy and that living in the country isn’t my thing. So, yeah. Now I am sitting here homeless again in Grand Rapids, Michigan hopefully with a new life to look forward to. I’m going to make my life better here and get a job and pursue more friends and maybe even volunteer at a local museum or something.I want to make my life better from this moment and get my head out of this fantasy. So, yeah I am now back in Grand Rapids to stay. I am not alone though. I have friends here and I also have my family too (Well, my stepfamily. I have a family tree I’ve built-in the last few weeks and I’ll make a separate post about that, but for now I’m going to stop writing and go to bed. Night y’all!
-Jonathan Fisher ❤