Updating you (almost)a Year Later!

 

Hey Readers and Supporters,

Almost a year later I am here. On my laptop just typing this blog post away hoping I can remember what happened a year ago. I can’t even remember what happened 2 years ago! So here it goes. So last time I created a post I was in a shelter in California (which is a coincidence because I am back here again in the same shelter presently, but we will get to that later!). Yes, At the time I moved back to Los Angeles from Michigan because I had enough of Michigan and my time was up at the 90-day shelter (Guiding Light). Well, my time in Los Angeles lasted for 7 months. For the first month I was in a shelter called Good Seed. It was ok. A bit religious for me. I couldn’t swear like I DO a lot in person and I also had a curfew of 8pm. It was located in south central (a dangerous part of Los Angeles), so I don’t blame them for making a curfew of 8pm. Anyways, for a month I was there waking up at 7am, Meeting with the Department of Mental Health on Mondays and Wednesdays at 8:30am and making it back to south central by 8:00pm. It was a bit difficult at times because I really love Hollywood Central and I often found myself there. I would always hang out at West Hollywood Library and Central Library and most of my job interviews would be in central Hollywood.  It was ok for the time being and I met my best friend David there.

Funny story how I met David. I was here in this religious shelter just feeling lost because I was the only gay male there. I mean, I got along with the female staff there like Perla and Miss Felicia, but I felt lost when it came to connecting with the other residents! Then David came along! I remember the day he moved in I was just thinking “Gurl…. here comes another straight black man moving in and he’s my new roommate”. I was wrong! The first night he politely introduced himself by saying “Hi, my name is David. Don’t be intimidated by me. I am gay just like you!” Gurl! I talked to him so much that night about my life and learned so much about him too! He liked drag and even was into drag himself! He just moved to California himself from Philadelphia and was alone! We connected in so many ways it was crazy! The next weeks we hung out but then he moved away from the shelter and I was alone again!

So, a month later I found myself moving to Central Hollywood to a shelter called The Salvation Army The Way In. It was supposed to be a 90-day Emergency crisis shelter with 12 beds (6 Bedrooms with 2 beds in one bedroom). It was difficult at first for me to adapt to because my roommate was much like a pig and messy all the time. He was never cleaning his side of the room and always bringing food into the room (which was a big No-No in the shelter because one of the rules was no food in the rooms). I was so annoyed and constantly complained to staff. Then not even the first night I was in the shelter, I had found out that my new friend David was in the same shelter! This made me happier because I had a friend I could relate with and share my day with. A week later staff heard my complaints about my dirty room mate and moved me into the same room David was in! So, him and I got to share stories and talk about whatever whenever! It was awesome! So after that, I had began searching for a job and looking for fulltime employment. Gurl, let me tell you: It was difficult! I must have gone on hundreds of interviews for 4 months for various positions (including CVS Pharmacy, Walgreens, Tender Greens, a county position cleaning parks, and so much more) and had a lot of rejections! I do admit for awhile it did get to me and One time I went on an interview crying and depressed. It was difficult, and I couldn’t understand why so many employers were rejecting my applications (Now that I think of it now, I think it’s just because I was not fit and did not have enough experience for the positions I was applying for! I also had stupid answers to the interview questions). Finally, after 4 months of hundreds of interviews and job prep classes and edits of my resume I finally was hired by Madame Tussaud’s as a flyer boy! I didn’t last there though! I quit it because it was too much being outside in the hot California heat and passing out flyers and they didn’t provide water. So I quit.

So, next I was hired by Ralph’s Grocery store. I didn’t even do training because I did very well in the interview and the woman who hired me told me at the last minute that I would have to pay to be in a union. Now, I am not talking bad about unions, but I once was in a union with Meijer and didn’t like it. I had to pay $80 a month to be in it and it was mandatory. I think at Ralph’s it was like $120 if I remember correctly. I was like hell no. Plus Ralph’s was only giving me 20 hours and paying me minimum wage ($10). I knew there was something better and that would pay me more! So, I didn’t even go through training with Ralph’s! So about 3 weeks later I interviewed with Home Depot and was hired in! I loved this one because Home depot paid $12 an hour and had good benefits and promised growth within the company. I have been with Home depot for 7 months now (3 different stores though).

Meanwhile, I stayed at the same shelter for 3 more months more. I didn’t do much besides work and on my days off I would go to West Hollywood and chill at Starbucks. Me and my friend, David kind of grew apart. I don’t know what went wrong there. I think maybe it’s because our interests grew apart. I did kind of get jealous too because he was always 2 steps ahead of me and could do drag anytime and kill it. He seemed a bit distant to me at times too. Then he moved away. He got his own place and after that I never heard from him like a friend anymore. I mean, we still communicate every now and then on Instagram but for now we don’t have the same friendship status as it was in the beginning. So once David and I separated and became less of friends, things started to drift away in my mind. I had been at the shelter for 5 months now (like I said in the beginning it was supposed to be a 90-day Emergency program but thanks to my case manager Micah, she had extended it for me). I had still been working at home depot for 3 months now and had decided it was time for me to move on. I lost my best friend David (so it seemed, but now that I am back in California I am wondering if I could rekindle the flame?), my 6 month period was almost up at the shelter, I had nowhere else to go, and the agencies I was working with had no openings for housing. So, with that I chose to move back to Michigan. My one friend Todd had said if I moved back he had a bedroom I could rent out for $400 a month. So, I chose to move back! I never thought I would be going back but I did! I saved up for the next two months at the shelter and saved over $2500 and moved back to Michigan.

Gurl, Michigan was fun! I moved back to Grand rapids flying first class plane. I loved it! It was my first time riding a plane first class and I felt like royalty! I had two meals and watched two movies (one of them being the new 2017 Beauty and The Beast) and just loved every second of it! I rode on the American Airlines plane. My only complaint from it is that the WIFI should be free for First Class riders. Anyways, yes, I moved back to Michigan and it was a good trip. My caseworker Micah drove me to LAX airport and my friend Todd picked me up from GRR (Gerald R Ford International Airport). I immediately paid my rent for the bedroom to my new landlord Ted and moved in quite fast. The first two nights I had to sleep in the same bed with My friend Todd, and it was awkward a little, but it worked. The third night I had bought a queen mattress through Facebook marketplace and slept on that. I also got into a relationship (a short one though) with Nathan. He was 22 and an alcoholic. For the love of God, I don’t know why out relationship lasted as long as it did because he was always drinking and smoking in front of me and that’s really a deal breaker for me. For two weeks I was looking for a job and seeing Nathan Lamont. Nathan took me to the beach, to the zoo, and we hung out at his house a lot too. I met his friends and they seemed cool (but I don’t remember their names). All this time he was drinking too and it annoyed the hell out of me! I also purchased a tv, bed sheets, two plastic dressers, and new clothing for my new adventure in Michigan. Everything was good. Then The Home Depot in Michigan hired me in as a cashier and it seemed good.

Well, I was with Home depot for 3 months but the $10 an hour wasn’t working for me. I needed a second job. Plus, my friend Todd moved out of the house and I felt alone. I did however attend the LGBTQA Men’s group at the Grand Rapids LGBTQA Center for awhile and it was good.  I lived for those 3 months just enjoying my new-found freedom. Met a couple of guys and formed a few friendships.  Got to go grocery shopping a lot and discovered Grand Rapids a lot. Worked 25-hour weeks and did so well. I got into another Relationship with Will Cook. Then month 4 came along and things went downhill. Home Depot was only giving me 16 hours. I did try to work a 2^nd job but it was complicated working 12hour days and having bipolar (being untreated for it too). I first started a 2^nd job at DK Security as a security guard but only lasted a week there because the first shift I was assigned they did not train me and I was left dumbfounded. However, I did get to see IL Divo in concert! I quit because it was also minimum wage ($8.25 an hour) and that honestly was not going to help me. So, then I transitioned to a fulltime job at Roskam baking working 8 to 9-hour shifts (12 am to 8am or sometimes 9am) and that exhausted me! I was working 5 to 9pm at Home Depot and then 12am to 8am or 9am at Roskam (16-hour days!).  I quit within a week of being at Roskam because I couldn’t handle it. So, after Roskam I decided I had enough and was going to move back to California! I was alone with no friends. The man I was seeing Will Cook, revealed to me he was HIV Positive and I was not going to put up with that and he also revealed to me that he was a sex offender and had alcohol problems as well. So, we broke up and I was alone. My friend Todd wasn’t communicating with me anymore and every time I went to the LGBTQA Men’s group no one would even acknowledge me. So, with that I decided to move back to California.

I notified Home Depot I wanted to leave and be transferred to a store in California and at first, they said no, but my boss really liked my performance at work, so she did anything and everything to transfer me and it worked! So, with that I saved up all my money from Home Depot, sold my bed, sold my iPhone 6 and tv, and then didn’t pay my last month’s rent and paid for a first-class ticket to Los Angeles. Now I am here back in Los Angeles. Let me tell you something though: I did have to stay on the street for a week when I arrived here 7 weeks ago! I was fearless though and did what I had to do. I rented out a storage shed to store my Huge bags in and only carried my backpack with two blankets and my laptop with me. It was hard at first for me the first two nights. I had to walk around Hollywood and look for a safe place to rest my head but for the first 3 nights I had rested my head in a bush at Plummer park. The fourth night I had paid $22 for a locker at the Gay Men’s spa (Midtowne spa) and slept on their bed in the main playroom. I did get molested a lot that night but was glad to have somewhere to sleep.  For the fifth night I had rested my head in the woods at Griffith Park. Finally, the sixth night I had been called by Good Seed shelter and been notified that they had an open bed. I was so happy!  You don’t know how it feels to feel like all hope is lost and that you would be in this situation forever on the street. I ALMOST had lost all hope BUT deep down inside God kept telling me not to give up and to hold my head up high! I did struggle very much with sleep those four nights on the street. When I was at Plummer park I only got about 3 to 4 hours of sleep due to the fact I kept waking up in fear that the police would catch me. When I slept at Griffith park it was the same situation!

So, I finally got into Good Seed shelter and man, I was glad I did! Two days later I started working at the Home depot store I was transferred to and more blessings came afterwards. My boss had told me I was promoted to a wage increase of $10 to $13.50! I also transferred over back to The Salvation Army The Way In and I also began seeing a doctor and back on meds for my bipolar disorder. So today, I am here in the present all happy but humble because I know the struggle and everything. Also, in 3 weeks from now I will be moving again! I will be moving into my own place!!! How crazy is that!? I’ve only been here for 7 weeks and it’s moving faster than it did last time I was in Los Angeles! I am blessed! I love God so much because He has held my heart this whole time and like I said before in the beginning when I was hopeless and giving up: He said don’t give up. So that’s my story for now! I am here in the present. I am struggling at Home Depot thought a little (they’re only giving me 16 to 19 hours a week which isn’t enough) BUT I can still hear the voice of God saying “don’t give up. Hold on. Look for other employment opportunities and I will provide in time”. I am full of Hope and love and Joy. I do not doubt for one second that I won’t succeed, because I WILL! God is on my side this time and I know He is!

Till next time!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

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Catching you up with My life

I haven’t written in ages so I figured it was about time to blog something. Well a lot has happened with my life since I last left y’all in February. I mostly gave up on blogging since I have moved so much and I rarely have time to sit down and think about writing, But I keep up with my life through Facebook mostly. Yeah and I have a few journals written but lost them. Like I used to write a lot so much and now it’s like I rarely write. Interesting.

Ok let’s move on. Don’t want to hear me bitch and moan about reasons why I can’t write as much as I was. So, moving back to February when I experienced that Gun shooting at my tiny little apartment. Yeah, that was scary but I thank God everyday (well when I think about it To Be Honest). Moving on though, I have some exciting news! Shortly after the shooting (about 2 weeks after, I think) I was at work and I got this weird friend request from a “Melissa Vining” and I accepted it just going on with my work duties. Well, shortly after on my lunch break this woman messaged me and said “Hey Jonathan, you may want to sit down before I reveal to you who I really am”. Jumping to conclusions, I quickly responded “Are you my real mother?”. “Mom?” She responded yes and then I burst into tears. Shaking and crying I sat down and responded back “Hi, I really been searching for you for 4 years now. Can I get proof you’re my real mother?”. She responded back by telling me that she was real alright and she’d video call me to prove it. So, at this point I only had 15 minutes left to my lunch break at work. So, she called me and immediately when I saw her face and heard her voice I knew it was my mother. I burst into tears again. I lost hope I’d ever find my real biological mother and here she was right in front of my face on a phone screen! Wiping my tears away, I asked her why she gave me up and she explained it wasn’t her fault and the state took me away from her before she had the chance to even care for me. Working with that my break time lunch was over and I had to say goodbye. You know that whole day, I smiled and grinned ear to ear! I had found my mother and I was so happy, but other questions did flood my mind. Why did she name me Jonathan? Why had the state taken us away? Besides my two half biological brothers I known and grew up with, did I have others? Who was my father? So many questions I had and I could barely wait to get home that night to call my mother back.

My shift ended and I immediately called my mother back. I didn’t want to wait till I got home. I could care less if the people on the bus heard my conversation! I wanted to know some more answers and I felt this new found deep love for my mother. So, it turns out on my way home and even when I returned home that I learned so much. For one, my mother named me Jonathan because it was one of her favorite male characters on the soaps (How funny!!) and my original middle name was supposed to start with a V. My father was Cedric and it was a one night stand between them that created me (Not what I wanted to hear but glad I was born anyways) and he was still alive and well living near a town over from her. Also, she had bipolar as well (THANK GOD! I wasn’t alone anymore) and that the state separated me and my two half biological brothers at the time of birth because of that. I also learned that I had two other siblings Sierra and Darrien who lived with my mother and another half-brother, Nicholas. I was so excited to hear this! My mother had a little family of five and I was a part of it!

Well, a few days went by (I think about 2 days to be honest) and then I started searching for my father. Don’t get me wrong: I loved my mother and her stories and I told her everything about my life so far, but something deep inside of me told me that maybe I could have the father of my dreams. So, I did what I do best and did some research on the internet. I found him on Facebook and even where he lived. I was excited! My father was a handsome man by the name of Cedric. I resembled him the most and even got his good looks. I requested him on Facebook and left it at that. Two days later he accepted and wrote me saying he was glad I found him and that he had been searching for me for years now but never knew what happened. As soon as I saw this, I burst into tears again. I had found both my birth parents and the dreams of finding my real parents had become true! Well, I messaged him back saying thank you and that I would love to speak to him on the phone and he said he’d call me that night. That night he called me it was a short but sweet conversation. He reiterated his message earlier but also told me that I had 3 more brothers and 4 sisters from his side. He also said he was 45 and that he had knee problems and was in the hospital for that. The news of more siblings excited me! Altogether between my birth mom and dad I had 12 siblings (5 sisters and 7 brothers). This was going to be a HUGE Family reunion!

Well that was wonderful and I went back to talking to my birth mom for a few weeks but then the ugly stuff ruined our relationship. I started asking the unnecessary questions. Why was my half-brother Lee alcohol fetal syndrome diagnosed? Why was my oldest half-brother from my mother retarded? Did my mother drink while pregnant? Why was she smoking so much? All these questions and more my mother wouldn’t answer and would get upset. We fought a lot because I wanted the truth and I felt like she was lying when she was denying it. I think I hurt my mother deeply by demanding the truth and telling her she was lying. I also told her that she was unfit to be a mother and needed help because it hurt me because I knew she was lying. Let me stop there. I still don’t know the answers to be honest! I may never know till I find God in heaven. My mother was claiming she wasn’t lying saying she never drank or smoke when she was pregnant. My father (in between I was communicating with him) said that she was and that she wouldn’t take care of us properly. I may never know the answers, but it drove a wedge between my mother and I and I had to stop talking to her.

So I moved on. My heart was broken that we never could just find a way to get along but I let go and went on with my life. I continued to work at Meijer Grocery store but I wasn’t happy. I felt the need to move again and so I did. I quit my job at Meijer and moved back to Los Angeles for a month. I Had fun. I went to six flags and I lived in a hostel for a month. It was fun but I went broke and had nowhere to turn. I was scared to be homeless in Los Angeles! Then my grandmother called me and said she’d pay for the ticket to Florida to live with her. I went and spent about 7 days in her house but then she went crazy and we got into fights over stupid things (Like how long I was in the shower or that I wouldn’t even find a job).  It all came down to one day when I got out of the shower she was angry and threatened me with a knife to stop using her water. I called the cops but they said it was her house and she had a right to do what she did. Grandma was pissed I called the cops so she threw me to the streets and I was left again with nothing. My father came to rescue and I lived with him for about 4 days and he threw me out because he felt like I was a stranger in his house and we also got into a fight. His fiancé didn’t like me also. So, after that I didn’t know what to do. I was broken and emotional. I lost my mother, my grandma, and my father. It seemed like my life ended there.

So, I called my one friend, Anthony McCoy, In Fort Lauderdale and he said I could stay with him for a while. So, I had to stay in the Dothan Shelter Rescue for 4 days before I left for Fort Lauderdale. It was painful going to Fort Lauderdale, I was in so much emotional crap then. I lost everything I loved and somehow I screwed up again! To this day, I truly wonder what I did wrong. I was only trying to protect myself when I called the cops and I tried so hard to follow my grandma’s rules in her house. Even at my father’s house, I tried my best to make amends. I know that the one time I talked bad about them leaving me behind when they had a family reunion but I apologized for it. I don’t know. To this day, it still makes me tear up and get emotional. But yeah, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and stayed there for about 3 months. I slept on Anthony’s bed for about a week and then he said I snored too loud and therefore kicked me to the closet floor. So yeah, there I was sleeping on the closet floor for 3 months. My back was destroyed from it but I didn’t complain. At least the man was letting me stay under his roof and take a shower and eat his food until I got my own stuff. I was thankful. I did live a life when I was in Fort Lauderdale!! Oh man, did I! I partied on my 22nd birthday and I met a lot of interesting people, including Jonathan Wiley, a country singer! I also did a lot of karaoke gigs, went to my first leather bar, went to south Florida’s Gay Pride, drank my first bud light (which I love drinking now) and so much more! All this time, I worked a part time (16 hour) job at Allstate Insurance as a telemarketer. It was fun and awesome experiencing my life in South Florida! Alas, it had to come to an end. Anthony told me that his boyfriend moved in and that I had to get the hell out of his house now. So, with that I slept on the street for a week before I moved back to Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Man, let me tell you about that week on the street! Technically I slept on the street for 4 days and the other 3 days I met Mark. Those 4 nights were horrible. One night I stayed up all night and just slept all day at the library. The other 3 nights I slept on a park bench cold. I survived and I thank God I wasn’t hurt. I also stuffed my Huge bags under a highway bridge and left them there. Then I met Mark. Mark was probably the sexiest man I have ever met! He was 52, white, and redheaded! At first when we met it was supposed to be hookup, but he liked me so much and invited me to stay with him. Man, those days I stayed with him I fell in love with him! He took me to the fanciest romantic restaurant in town and said I could get anything. I shared my whole life with him and I poured my heart and soul into this guy all whilst having some good wild sex. I never met a man like this before! It was like he was meant for me. Alas, that came to an end four days later. I had to leave to move to Michigan. I cried so much when I had to leave Mark. I fell in love with this man and now had to say goodbye. I cried as I hugged him goodbye. I don’t think I will ever meet another man like Mark.

So anyways, I moved to Michigan and here was the craziest ride for me. I stayed in a hotel for about 4 days (Half of which I paid for and then the other half my old friend paid for. Also, Mark paid for one night as well). Then I spent a whole night sleeping on the street. It was hard that night because I had to stuff my bags under a bridge and stay up all night and sleep all day. Eventually though, on the 5th day I got into Guiding Light homeless shelter and it was nice. They gave me 3 meals a day, free job prep, and so much more. I couldn’t complain. I worked several jobs in the three months I was in Michigan. I worked at several warehouses and even once for 2 weeks as a door to door businessman. It was a challenging time but I knew in my heart I was eventually going to leave. I did however prove myself a hardworking man and I made a lot of money in between. But my time to leave was due. Times were hard and l wasn’t really liking it there so I moved back to Los Angeles, California.  That’s where I have been for four months now. I will catch you up with these four months later but for now you’re all caught up with the year of 2016.

Thanks for reading!

-Jonathan S Fisher