Catching you up with My life

I haven’t written in ages so I figured it was about time to blog something. Well a lot has happened with my life since I last left y’all in February. I mostly gave up on blogging since I have moved so much and I rarely have time to sit down and think about writing, But I keep up with my life through Facebook mostly. Yeah and I have a few journals written but lost them. Like I used to write a lot so much and now it’s like I rarely write. Interesting.

Ok let’s move on. Don’t want to hear me bitch and moan about reasons why I can’t write as much as I was. So, moving back to February when I experienced that Gun shooting at my tiny little apartment. Yeah, that was scary but I thank God everyday (well when I think about it To Be Honest). Moving on though, I have some exciting news! Shortly after the shooting (about 2 weeks after, I think) I was at work and I got this weird friend request from a “Melissa Vining” and I accepted it just going on with my work duties. Well, shortly after on my lunch break this woman messaged me and said “Hey Jonathan, you may want to sit down before I reveal to you who I really am”. Jumping to conclusions, I quickly responded “Are you my real mother?”. “Mom?” She responded yes and then I burst into tears. Shaking and crying I sat down and responded back “Hi, I really been searching for you for 4 years now. Can I get proof you’re my real mother?”. She responded back by telling me that she was real alright and she’d video call me to prove it. So, at this point I only had 15 minutes left to my lunch break at work. So, she called me and immediately when I saw her face and heard her voice I knew it was my mother. I burst into tears again. I lost hope I’d ever find my real biological mother and here she was right in front of my face on a phone screen! Wiping my tears away, I asked her why she gave me up and she explained it wasn’t her fault and the state took me away from her before she had the chance to even care for me. Working with that my break time lunch was over and I had to say goodbye. You know that whole day, I smiled and grinned ear to ear! I had found my mother and I was so happy, but other questions did flood my mind. Why did she name me Jonathan? Why had the state taken us away? Besides my two half biological brothers I known and grew up with, did I have others? Who was my father? So many questions I had and I could barely wait to get home that night to call my mother back.

My shift ended and I immediately called my mother back. I didn’t want to wait till I got home. I could care less if the people on the bus heard my conversation! I wanted to know some more answers and I felt this new found deep love for my mother. So, it turns out on my way home and even when I returned home that I learned so much. For one, my mother named me Jonathan because it was one of her favorite male characters on the soaps (How funny!!) and my original middle name was supposed to start with a V. My father was Cedric and it was a one night stand between them that created me (Not what I wanted to hear but glad I was born anyways) and he was still alive and well living near a town over from her. Also, she had bipolar as well (THANK GOD! I wasn’t alone anymore) and that the state separated me and my two half biological brothers at the time of birth because of that. I also learned that I had two other siblings Sierra and Darrien who lived with my mother and another half-brother, Nicholas. I was so excited to hear this! My mother had a little family of five and I was a part of it!

Well, a few days went by (I think about 2 days to be honest) and then I started searching for my father. Don’t get me wrong: I loved my mother and her stories and I told her everything about my life so far, but something deep inside of me told me that maybe I could have the father of my dreams. So, I did what I do best and did some research on the internet. I found him on Facebook and even where he lived. I was excited! My father was a handsome man by the name of Cedric. I resembled him the most and even got his good looks. I requested him on Facebook and left it at that. Two days later he accepted and wrote me saying he was glad I found him and that he had been searching for me for years now but never knew what happened. As soon as I saw this, I burst into tears again. I had found both my birth parents and the dreams of finding my real parents had become true! Well, I messaged him back saying thank you and that I would love to speak to him on the phone and he said he’d call me that night. That night he called me it was a short but sweet conversation. He reiterated his message earlier but also told me that I had 3 more brothers and 4 sisters from his side. He also said he was 45 and that he had knee problems and was in the hospital for that. The news of more siblings excited me! Altogether between my birth mom and dad I had 12 siblings (5 sisters and 7 brothers). This was going to be a HUGE Family reunion!

Well that was wonderful and I went back to talking to my birth mom for a few weeks but then the ugly stuff ruined our relationship. I started asking the unnecessary questions. Why was my half-brother Lee alcohol fetal syndrome diagnosed? Why was my oldest half-brother from my mother retarded? Did my mother drink while pregnant? Why was she smoking so much? All these questions and more my mother wouldn’t answer and would get upset. We fought a lot because I wanted the truth and I felt like she was lying when she was denying it. I think I hurt my mother deeply by demanding the truth and telling her she was lying. I also told her that she was unfit to be a mother and needed help because it hurt me because I knew she was lying. Let me stop there. I still don’t know the answers to be honest! I may never know till I find God in heaven. My mother was claiming she wasn’t lying saying she never drank or smoke when she was pregnant. My father (in between I was communicating with him) said that she was and that she wouldn’t take care of us properly. I may never know the answers, but it drove a wedge between my mother and I and I had to stop talking to her.

So I moved on. My heart was broken that we never could just find a way to get along but I let go and went on with my life. I continued to work at Meijer Grocery store but I wasn’t happy. I felt the need to move again and so I did. I quit my job at Meijer and moved back to Los Angeles for a month. I Had fun. I went to six flags and I lived in a hostel for a month. It was fun but I went broke and had nowhere to turn. I was scared to be homeless in Los Angeles! Then my grandmother called me and said she’d pay for the ticket to Florida to live with her. I went and spent about 7 days in her house but then she went crazy and we got into fights over stupid things (Like how long I was in the shower or that I wouldn’t even find a job).  It all came down to one day when I got out of the shower she was angry and threatened me with a knife to stop using her water. I called the cops but they said it was her house and she had a right to do what she did. Grandma was pissed I called the cops so she threw me to the streets and I was left again with nothing. My father came to rescue and I lived with him for about 4 days and he threw me out because he felt like I was a stranger in his house and we also got into a fight. His fiancé didn’t like me also. So, after that I didn’t know what to do. I was broken and emotional. I lost my mother, my grandma, and my father. It seemed like my life ended there.

So, I called my one friend, Anthony McCoy, In Fort Lauderdale and he said I could stay with him for a while. So, I had to stay in the Dothan Shelter Rescue for 4 days before I left for Fort Lauderdale. It was painful going to Fort Lauderdale, I was in so much emotional crap then. I lost everything I loved and somehow I screwed up again! To this day, I truly wonder what I did wrong. I was only trying to protect myself when I called the cops and I tried so hard to follow my grandma’s rules in her house. Even at my father’s house, I tried my best to make amends. I know that the one time I talked bad about them leaving me behind when they had a family reunion but I apologized for it. I don’t know. To this day, it still makes me tear up and get emotional. But yeah, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and stayed there for about 3 months. I slept on Anthony’s bed for about a week and then he said I snored too loud and therefore kicked me to the closet floor. So yeah, there I was sleeping on the closet floor for 3 months. My back was destroyed from it but I didn’t complain. At least the man was letting me stay under his roof and take a shower and eat his food until I got my own stuff. I was thankful. I did live a life when I was in Fort Lauderdale!! Oh man, did I! I partied on my 22nd birthday and I met a lot of interesting people, including Jonathan Wiley, a country singer! I also did a lot of karaoke gigs, went to my first leather bar, went to south Florida’s Gay Pride, drank my first bud light (which I love drinking now) and so much more! All this time, I worked a part time (16 hour) job at Allstate Insurance as a telemarketer. It was fun and awesome experiencing my life in South Florida! Alas, it had to come to an end. Anthony told me that his boyfriend moved in and that I had to get the hell out of his house now. So, with that I slept on the street for a week before I moved back to Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Man, let me tell you about that week on the street! Technically I slept on the street for 4 days and the other 3 days I met Mark. Those 4 nights were horrible. One night I stayed up all night and just slept all day at the library. The other 3 nights I slept on a park bench cold. I survived and I thank God I wasn’t hurt. I also stuffed my Huge bags under a highway bridge and left them there. Then I met Mark. Mark was probably the sexiest man I have ever met! He was 52, white, and redheaded! At first when we met it was supposed to be hookup, but he liked me so much and invited me to stay with him. Man, those days I stayed with him I fell in love with him! He took me to the fanciest romantic restaurant in town and said I could get anything. I shared my whole life with him and I poured my heart and soul into this guy all whilst having some good wild sex. I never met a man like this before! It was like he was meant for me. Alas, that came to an end four days later. I had to leave to move to Michigan. I cried so much when I had to leave Mark. I fell in love with this man and now had to say goodbye. I cried as I hugged him goodbye. I don’t think I will ever meet another man like Mark.

So anyways, I moved to Michigan and here was the craziest ride for me. I stayed in a hotel for about 4 days (Half of which I paid for and then the other half my old friend paid for. Also, Mark paid for one night as well). Then I spent a whole night sleeping on the street. It was hard that night because I had to stuff my bags under a bridge and stay up all night and sleep all day. Eventually though, on the 5th day I got into Guiding Light homeless shelter and it was nice. They gave me 3 meals a day, free job prep, and so much more. I couldn’t complain. I worked several jobs in the three months I was in Michigan. I worked at several warehouses and even once for 2 weeks as a door to door businessman. It was a challenging time but I knew in my heart I was eventually going to leave. I did however prove myself a hardworking man and I made a lot of money in between. But my time to leave was due. Times were hard and l wasn’t really liking it there so I moved back to Los Angeles, California.  That’s where I have been for four months now. I will catch you up with these four months later but for now you’re all caught up with the year of 2016.

Thanks for reading!

-Jonathan S Fisher