Jonathan S Fisher's Life Adventures

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Updating you (almost)a Year Later!

 

Hey Readers and Supporters,

Almost a year later I am here. On my laptop just typing this blog post away hoping I can remember what happened a year ago. I can’t even remember what happened 2 years ago! So here it goes. So last time I created a post I was in a shelter in California (which is a coincidence because I am back here again in the same shelter presently, but we will get to that later!). Yes, At the time I moved back to Los Angeles from Michigan because I had enough of Michigan and my time was up at the 90-day shelter (Guiding Light). Well, my time in Los Angeles lasted for 7 months. For the first month I was in a shelter called Good Seed. It was ok. A bit religious for me. I couldn’t swear like I DO a lot in person and I also had a curfew of 8pm. It was located in south central (a dangerous part of Los Angeles), so I don’t blame them for making a curfew of 8pm. Anyways, for a month I was there waking up at 7am, Meeting with the Department of Mental Health on Mondays and Wednesdays at 8:30am and making it back to south central by 8:00pm. It was a bit difficult at times because I really love Hollywood Central and I often found myself there. I would always hang out at West Hollywood Library and Central Library and most of my job interviews would be in central Hollywood.  It was ok for the time being and I met my best friend David there.

Funny story how I met David. I was here in this religious shelter just feeling lost because I was the only gay male there. I mean, I got along with the female staff there like Perla and Miss Felicia, but I felt lost when it came to connecting with the other residents! Then David came along! I remember the day he moved in I was just thinking “Gurl…. here comes another straight black man moving in and he’s my new roommate”. I was wrong! The first night he politely introduced himself by saying “Hi, my name is David. Don’t be intimidated by me. I am gay just like you!” Gurl! I talked to him so much that night about my life and learned so much about him too! He liked drag and even was into drag himself! He just moved to California himself from Philadelphia and was alone! We connected in so many ways it was crazy! The next weeks we hung out but then he moved away from the shelter and I was alone again!

So, a month later I found myself moving to Central Hollywood to a shelter called The Salvation Army The Way In. It was supposed to be a 90-day Emergency crisis shelter with 12 beds (6 Bedrooms with 2 beds in one bedroom). It was difficult at first for me to adapt to because my roommate was much like a pig and messy all the time. He was never cleaning his side of the room and always bringing food into the room (which was a big No-No in the shelter because one of the rules was no food in the rooms). I was so annoyed and constantly complained to staff. Then not even the first night I was in the shelter, I had found out that my new friend David was in the same shelter! This made me happier because I had a friend I could relate with and share my day with. A week later staff heard my complaints about my dirty room mate and moved me into the same room David was in! So, him and I got to share stories and talk about whatever whenever! It was awesome! So after that, I had began searching for a job and looking for fulltime employment. Gurl, let me tell you: It was difficult! I must have gone on hundreds of interviews for 4 months for various positions (including CVS Pharmacy, Walgreens, Tender Greens, a county position cleaning parks, and so much more) and had a lot of rejections! I do admit for awhile it did get to me and One time I went on an interview crying and depressed. It was difficult, and I couldn’t understand why so many employers were rejecting my applications (Now that I think of it now, I think it’s just because I was not fit and did not have enough experience for the positions I was applying for! I also had stupid answers to the interview questions). Finally, after 4 months of hundreds of interviews and job prep classes and edits of my resume I finally was hired by Madame Tussaud’s as a flyer boy! I didn’t last there though! I quit it because it was too much being outside in the hot California heat and passing out flyers and they didn’t provide water. So I quit.

So, next I was hired by Ralph’s Grocery store. I didn’t even do training because I did very well in the interview and the woman who hired me told me at the last minute that I would have to pay to be in a union. Now, I am not talking bad about unions, but I once was in a union with Meijer and didn’t like it. I had to pay $80 a month to be in it and it was mandatory. I think at Ralph’s it was like $120 if I remember correctly. I was like hell no. Plus Ralph’s was only giving me 20 hours and paying me minimum wage ($10). I knew there was something better and that would pay me more! So, I didn’t even go through training with Ralph’s! So about 3 weeks later I interviewed with Home Depot and was hired in! I loved this one because Home depot paid $12 an hour and had good benefits and promised growth within the company. I have been with Home depot for 7 months now (3 different stores though).

Meanwhile, I stayed at the same shelter for 3 more months more. I didn’t do much besides work and on my days off I would go to West Hollywood and chill at Starbucks. Me and my friend, David kind of grew apart. I don’t know what went wrong there. I think maybe it’s because our interests grew apart. I did kind of get jealous too because he was always 2 steps ahead of me and could do drag anytime and kill it. He seemed a bit distant to me at times too. Then he moved away. He got his own place and after that I never heard from him like a friend anymore. I mean, we still communicate every now and then on Instagram but for now we don’t have the same friendship status as it was in the beginning. So once David and I separated and became less of friends, things started to drift away in my mind. I had been at the shelter for 5 months now (like I said in the beginning it was supposed to be a 90-day Emergency program but thanks to my case manager Micah, she had extended it for me). I had still been working at home depot for 3 months now and had decided it was time for me to move on. I lost my best friend David (so it seemed, but now that I am back in California I am wondering if I could rekindle the flame?), my 6 month period was almost up at the shelter, I had nowhere else to go, and the agencies I was working with had no openings for housing. So, with that I chose to move back to Michigan. My one friend Todd had said if I moved back he had a bedroom I could rent out for $400 a month. So, I chose to move back! I never thought I would be going back but I did! I saved up for the next two months at the shelter and saved over $2500 and moved back to Michigan.

Gurl, Michigan was fun! I moved back to Grand rapids flying first class plane. I loved it! It was my first time riding a plane first class and I felt like royalty! I had two meals and watched two movies (one of them being the new 2017 Beauty and The Beast) and just loved every second of it! I rode on the American Airlines plane. My only complaint from it is that the WIFI should be free for First Class riders. Anyways, yes, I moved back to Michigan and it was a good trip. My caseworker Micah drove me to LAX airport and my friend Todd picked me up from GRR (Gerald R Ford International Airport). I immediately paid my rent for the bedroom to my new landlord Ted and moved in quite fast. The first two nights I had to sleep in the same bed with My friend Todd, and it was awkward a little, but it worked. The third night I had bought a queen mattress through Facebook marketplace and slept on that. I also got into a relationship (a short one though) with Nathan. He was 22 and an alcoholic. For the love of God, I don’t know why out relationship lasted as long as it did because he was always drinking and smoking in front of me and that’s really a deal breaker for me. For two weeks I was looking for a job and seeing Nathan Lamont. Nathan took me to the beach, to the zoo, and we hung out at his house a lot too. I met his friends and they seemed cool (but I don’t remember their names). All this time he was drinking too and it annoyed the hell out of me! I also purchased a tv, bed sheets, two plastic dressers, and new clothing for my new adventure in Michigan. Everything was good. Then The Home Depot in Michigan hired me in as a cashier and it seemed good.

Well, I was with Home depot for 3 months but the $10 an hour wasn’t working for me. I needed a second job. Plus, my friend Todd moved out of the house and I felt alone. I did however attend the LGBTQA Men’s group at the Grand Rapids LGBTQA Center for awhile and it was good.  I lived for those 3 months just enjoying my new-found freedom. Met a couple of guys and formed a few friendships.  Got to go grocery shopping a lot and discovered Grand Rapids a lot. Worked 25-hour weeks and did so well. I got into another Relationship with Will Cook. Then month 4 came along and things went downhill. Home Depot was only giving me 16 hours. I did try to work a 2nd job but it was complicated working 12hour days and having bipolar (being untreated for it too). I first started a 2nd job at DK Security as a security guard but only lasted a week there because the first shift I was assigned they did not train me and I was left dumbfounded. However, I did get to see IL Divo in concert! I quit because it was also minimum wage ($8.25 an hour) and that honestly was not going to help me. So, then I transitioned to a fulltime job at Roskam baking working 8 to 9-hour shifts (12 am to 8am or sometimes 9am) and that exhausted me! I was working 5 to 9pm at Home Depot and then 12am to 8am or 9am at Roskam (16-hour days!).  I quit within a week of being at Roskam because I couldn’t handle it. So, after Roskam I decided I had enough and was going to move back to California! I was alone with no friends. The man I was seeing Will Cook, revealed to me he was HIV Positive and I was not going to put up with that and he also revealed to me that he was a sex offender and had alcohol problems as well. So, we broke up and I was alone. My friend Todd wasn’t communicating with me anymore and every time I went to the LGBTQA Men’s group no one would even acknowledge me. So, with that I decided to move back to California.

I notified Home Depot I wanted to leave and be transferred to a store in California and at first, they said no, but my boss really liked my performance at work, so she did anything and everything to transfer me and it worked! So, with that I saved up all my money from Home Depot, sold my bed, sold my iPhone 6 and tv, and then didn’t pay my last month’s rent and paid for a first-class ticket to Los Angeles. Now I am here back in Los Angeles. Let me tell you something though: I did have to stay on the street for a week when I arrived here 7 weeks ago! I was fearless though and did what I had to do. I rented out a storage shed to store my Huge bags in and only carried my backpack with two blankets and my laptop with me. It was hard at first for me the first two nights. I had to walk around Hollywood and look for a safe place to rest my head but for the first 3 nights I had rested my head in a bush at Plummer park. The fourth night I had paid $22 for a locker at the Gay Men’s spa (Midtowne spa) and slept on their bed in the main playroom. I did get molested a lot that night but was glad to have somewhere to sleep.  For the fifth night I had rested my head in the woods at Griffith Park. Finally, the sixth night I had been called by Good Seed shelter and been notified that they had an open bed. I was so happy!  You don’t know how it feels to feel like all hope is lost and that you would be in this situation forever on the street. I ALMOST had lost all hope BUT deep down inside God kept telling me not to give up and to hold my head up high! I did struggle very much with sleep those four nights on the street. When I was at Plummer park I only got about 3 to 4 hours of sleep due to the fact I kept waking up in fear that the police would catch me. When I slept at Griffith park it was the same situation!

So, I finally got into Good Seed shelter and man, I was glad I did! Two days later I started working at the Home depot store I was transferred to and more blessings came afterwards. My boss had told me I was promoted to a wage increase of $10 to $13.50! I also transferred over back to The Salvation Army The Way In and I also began seeing a doctor and back on meds for my bipolar disorder. So today, I am here in the present all happy but humble because I know the struggle and everything. Also, in 3 weeks from now I will be moving again! I will be moving into my own place!!! How crazy is that!? I’ve only been here for 7 weeks and it’s moving faster than it did last time I was in Los Angeles! I am blessed! I love God so much because He has held my heart this whole time and like I said before in the beginning when I was hopeless and giving up: He said don’t give up. So that’s my story for now! I am here in the present. I am struggling at Home Depot thought a little (they’re only giving me 16 to 19 hours a week which isn’t enough) BUT I can still hear the voice of God saying “don’t give up. Hold on. Look for other employment opportunities and I will provide in time”. I am full of Hope and love and Joy. I do not doubt for one second that I won’t succeed, because I WILL! God is on my side this time and I know He is!

Till next time!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

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Catching you up with My life

I haven’t written in ages so I figured it was about time to blog something. Well a lot has happened with my life since I last left y’all in February. I mostly gave up on blogging since I have moved so much and I rarely have time to sit down and think about writing, But I keep up with my life through Facebook mostly. Yeah and I have a few journals written but lost them. Like I used to write a lot so much and now it’s like I rarely write. Interesting.

Ok let’s move on. Don’t want to hear me bitch and moan about reasons why I can’t write as much as I was. So, moving back to February when I experienced that Gun shooting at my tiny little apartment. Yeah, that was scary but I thank God everyday (well when I think about it To Be Honest). Moving on though, I have some exciting news! Shortly after the shooting (about 2 weeks after, I think) I was at work and I got this weird friend request from a “Melissa Vining” and I accepted it just going on with my work duties. Well, shortly after on my lunch break this woman messaged me and said “Hey Jonathan, you may want to sit down before I reveal to you who I really am”. Jumping to conclusions, I quickly responded “Are you my real mother?”. “Mom?” She responded yes and then I burst into tears. Shaking and crying I sat down and responded back “Hi, I really been searching for you for 4 years now. Can I get proof you’re my real mother?”. She responded back by telling me that she was real alright and she’d video call me to prove it. So, at this point I only had 15 minutes left to my lunch break at work. So, she called me and immediately when I saw her face and heard her voice I knew it was my mother. I burst into tears again. I lost hope I’d ever find my real biological mother and here she was right in front of my face on a phone screen! Wiping my tears away, I asked her why she gave me up and she explained it wasn’t her fault and the state took me away from her before she had the chance to even care for me. Working with that my break time lunch was over and I had to say goodbye. You know that whole day, I smiled and grinned ear to ear! I had found my mother and I was so happy, but other questions did flood my mind. Why did she name me Jonathan? Why had the state taken us away? Besides my two half biological brothers I known and grew up with, did I have others? Who was my father? So many questions I had and I could barely wait to get home that night to call my mother back.

My shift ended and I immediately called my mother back. I didn’t want to wait till I got home. I could care less if the people on the bus heard my conversation! I wanted to know some more answers and I felt this new found deep love for my mother. So, it turns out on my way home and even when I returned home that I learned so much. For one, my mother named me Jonathan because it was one of her favorite male characters on the soaps (How funny!!) and my original middle name was supposed to start with a V. My father was Cedric and it was a one night stand between them that created me (Not what I wanted to hear but glad I was born anyways) and he was still alive and well living near a town over from her. Also, she had bipolar as well (THANK GOD! I wasn’t alone anymore) and that the state separated me and my two half biological brothers at the time of birth because of that. I also learned that I had two other siblings Sierra and Darrien who lived with my mother and another half-brother, Nicholas. I was so excited to hear this! My mother had a little family of five and I was a part of it!

Well, a few days went by (I think about 2 days to be honest) and then I started searching for my father. Don’t get me wrong: I loved my mother and her stories and I told her everything about my life so far, but something deep inside of me told me that maybe I could have the father of my dreams. So, I did what I do best and did some research on the internet. I found him on Facebook and even where he lived. I was excited! My father was a handsome man by the name of Cedric. I resembled him the most and even got his good looks. I requested him on Facebook and left it at that. Two days later he accepted and wrote me saying he was glad I found him and that he had been searching for me for years now but never knew what happened. As soon as I saw this, I burst into tears again. I had found both my birth parents and the dreams of finding my real parents had become true! Well, I messaged him back saying thank you and that I would love to speak to him on the phone and he said he’d call me that night. That night he called me it was a short but sweet conversation. He reiterated his message earlier but also told me that I had 3 more brothers and 4 sisters from his side. He also said he was 45 and that he had knee problems and was in the hospital for that. The news of more siblings excited me! Altogether between my birth mom and dad I had 12 siblings (5 sisters and 7 brothers). This was going to be a HUGE Family reunion!

Well that was wonderful and I went back to talking to my birth mom for a few weeks but then the ugly stuff ruined our relationship. I started asking the unnecessary questions. Why was my half-brother Lee alcohol fetal syndrome diagnosed? Why was my oldest half-brother from my mother retarded? Did my mother drink while pregnant? Why was she smoking so much? All these questions and more my mother wouldn’t answer and would get upset. We fought a lot because I wanted the truth and I felt like she was lying when she was denying it. I think I hurt my mother deeply by demanding the truth and telling her she was lying. I also told her that she was unfit to be a mother and needed help because it hurt me because I knew she was lying. Let me stop there. I still don’t know the answers to be honest! I may never know till I find God in heaven. My mother was claiming she wasn’t lying saying she never drank or smoke when she was pregnant. My father (in between I was communicating with him) said that she was and that she wouldn’t take care of us properly. I may never know the answers, but it drove a wedge between my mother and I and I had to stop talking to her.

So I moved on. My heart was broken that we never could just find a way to get along but I let go and went on with my life. I continued to work at Meijer Grocery store but I wasn’t happy. I felt the need to move again and so I did. I quit my job at Meijer and moved back to Los Angeles for a month. I Had fun. I went to six flags and I lived in a hostel for a month. It was fun but I went broke and had nowhere to turn. I was scared to be homeless in Los Angeles! Then my grandmother called me and said she’d pay for the ticket to Florida to live with her. I went and spent about 7 days in her house but then she went crazy and we got into fights over stupid things (Like how long I was in the shower or that I wouldn’t even find a job).  It all came down to one day when I got out of the shower she was angry and threatened me with a knife to stop using her water. I called the cops but they said it was her house and she had a right to do what she did. Grandma was pissed I called the cops so she threw me to the streets and I was left again with nothing. My father came to rescue and I lived with him for about 4 days and he threw me out because he felt like I was a stranger in his house and we also got into a fight. His fiancé didn’t like me also. So, after that I didn’t know what to do. I was broken and emotional. I lost my mother, my grandma, and my father. It seemed like my life ended there.

So, I called my one friend, Anthony McCoy, In Fort Lauderdale and he said I could stay with him for a while. So, I had to stay in the Dothan Shelter Rescue for 4 days before I left for Fort Lauderdale. It was painful going to Fort Lauderdale, I was in so much emotional crap then. I lost everything I loved and somehow I screwed up again! To this day, I truly wonder what I did wrong. I was only trying to protect myself when I called the cops and I tried so hard to follow my grandma’s rules in her house. Even at my father’s house, I tried my best to make amends. I know that the one time I talked bad about them leaving me behind when they had a family reunion but I apologized for it. I don’t know. To this day, it still makes me tear up and get emotional. But yeah, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and stayed there for about 3 months. I slept on Anthony’s bed for about a week and then he said I snored too loud and therefore kicked me to the closet floor. So yeah, there I was sleeping on the closet floor for 3 months. My back was destroyed from it but I didn’t complain. At least the man was letting me stay under his roof and take a shower and eat his food until I got my own stuff. I was thankful. I did live a life when I was in Fort Lauderdale!! Oh man, did I! I partied on my 22nd birthday and I met a lot of interesting people, including Jonathan Wiley, a country singer! I also did a lot of karaoke gigs, went to my first leather bar, went to south Florida’s Gay Pride, drank my first bud light (which I love drinking now) and so much more! All this time, I worked a part time (16 hour) job at Allstate Insurance as a telemarketer. It was fun and awesome experiencing my life in South Florida! Alas, it had to come to an end. Anthony told me that his boyfriend moved in and that I had to get the hell out of his house now. So, with that I slept on the street for a week before I moved back to Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Man, let me tell you about that week on the street! Technically I slept on the street for 4 days and the other 3 days I met Mark. Those 4 nights were horrible. One night I stayed up all night and just slept all day at the library. The other 3 nights I slept on a park bench cold. I survived and I thank God I wasn’t hurt. I also stuffed my Huge bags under a highway bridge and left them there. Then I met Mark. Mark was probably the sexiest man I have ever met! He was 52, white, and redheaded! At first when we met it was supposed to be hookup, but he liked me so much and invited me to stay with him. Man, those days I stayed with him I fell in love with him! He took me to the fanciest romantic restaurant in town and said I could get anything. I shared my whole life with him and I poured my heart and soul into this guy all whilst having some good wild sex. I never met a man like this before! It was like he was meant for me. Alas, that came to an end four days later. I had to leave to move to Michigan. I cried so much when I had to leave Mark. I fell in love with this man and now had to say goodbye. I cried as I hugged him goodbye. I don’t think I will ever meet another man like Mark.

So anyways, I moved to Michigan and here was the craziest ride for me. I stayed in a hotel for about 4 days (Half of which I paid for and then the other half my old friend paid for. Also, Mark paid for one night as well). Then I spent a whole night sleeping on the street. It was hard that night because I had to stuff my bags under a bridge and stay up all night and sleep all day. Eventually though, on the 5th day I got into Guiding Light homeless shelter and it was nice. They gave me 3 meals a day, free job prep, and so much more. I couldn’t complain. I worked several jobs in the three months I was in Michigan. I worked at several warehouses and even once for 2 weeks as a door to door businessman. It was a challenging time but I knew in my heart I was eventually going to leave. I did however prove myself a hardworking man and I made a lot of money in between. But my time to leave was due. Times were hard and l wasn’t really liking it there so I moved back to Los Angeles, California.  That’s where I have been for four months now. I will catch you up with these four months later but for now you’re all caught up with the year of 2016.

Thanks for reading!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

 

Updating U Part 2

So last time I had to quickly go and finish up working. Yeah, now I am sitting here alone in bed naked just typing this blog. It’s a silent Friday night and I’m locked into my bedroom to keep myself away from drinking alcohol (We have not come to that story yet on how I came to realize I am alcoholic but hopefully I will cover that in a few). I am craving it so bad and all I’ve gotta do is get out of my bed and go to the cabinet, but I’m controlling myself tonight because I know where it would get me! So anyways, I am gonna hopefully finish bringing y’all up to date with my life.

Before we get started, I realized I forgot to mention that I bought in a new room-mate a few weeks before. He seemed nice and he was 28. We’ll call him Manny (As I’m pretty sure he’s gonna kill me if I were to mention his real name. We have a bad relationship right now, but I will get to that in a minute). He seemed nice and he moved in right way down in the basement. So, I officially played Realtor there for a second.

Well, anyways The Fall Retreat came around. Calvary had said it would cost me $27.50 to attend and I was like oh that’s  nothing and decided to go. That weekend changed me! I learned a lot about how God wants me to be closer to him and how technology thwarts that. I also made a few new friends from the church and I poured my whole heart out that weekend. I was blessed and cried when I had to go home. I had left that weekend with a sense of peace and tranquility about my relationship with God and a new understanding. It was a wonderful retreat.

Then things got out of hand again. I’m not sure how but then I got into a fight with my landlord and we started to fight about me paying my rent and then he just said I needed to get out soon. Then I started to see Chris Surfus. Chris was a nice guy. He was. We went on 5 dates and we saw “Machete Kills” together. We went for a midnight stroll one time. Then things got complicated and I started to doubt him. He was a big guy and he kept talking about sex. I didn’t want sex. And then like I just couldn’t see myself having sex with him and he got mad. Then he had “Swine” by Lady Gaga and this song had not been officially released yet. I saw my chance and took the song and leaked it online. Chris  got upset texted me and told me he was through with me. He said I was disrespectful for leaking the song and that I wasn’t living to please him. Needless to say, he threw some insults at me too but  I just laughed it off and reminded myself that men will always have what I call a “hissy fit” where they will try to find something imperfect in me and try to pull me down. They won’t ever because I know who I am and I feel like I am a sweet, kind, and lovable guy with a few problems.

So with that said we broke up and I moved on. You know, I almost got into trouble for leaking “Swine” by Lady Gaga and now it turns out it was the real song afterwards. The FBI called me and asked me if I had any other songs and I told them no so they let me go. I basked in my glory anyways while it lasted. I actually leaked a real song! OMGaga! But yeah, after Chris I decided to give men a break and this young lady by the name of “Alice” asked me out. I totally accepted and we’ve been going out. She’s a nice girl and everything, but she’s more lesbian because I can tell. She’s got me in tangles and emotionally messed up. Honestly I want a meaningful relationship where somehow will want me for me and accept me if I change.

I don’t know honestly what I’m gonna do. Because I Love men, but I have discovered I won’t be opposed to being and caring for a woman. I just can’t bring myself to have sex with her. I don’t know what you call that. I mean I have no problem taking pants off a man or sleeping with him. I don’t know if I’m comfortable doing that with a girl because I’m scared to. I need a girl  who is dominant and masculine who will take control in the bed.  I need a girl who will know I have them fears and dominantly take them and crush them. I though Alice would do this but lately I’ve been getting this impression she likes girls more. That’s all she talks about and is always asking me if I found her a girl.

But anyways, I also had a hard time recently because last Friday night I did my usual drinking thing. Usually on Friday nights, I drink a couple of glasses of vodka to get drunk. Well, I think It was a horrid time to drink because I was broken over Alice and the night before I had gone trick-or -treating and slept with a guy who I asked to be my boyfriend. He rejected me and told me I was too much to handle. Not only that, but Alice texted me that day saying I was cheating on her. I was broken that night. I had been through too much and it was emotionally disturbing me.

So I drank. I drank too much. I ended up tossing and turning and butt naked flopping and flailing like a fish that night. I was out of control and even one of my new friends, Jakob Adrian Shouse, had seen it.  I had him on the webcam before I lost all conscientiousness. I blacked out and supposedly spent the next 4 hours moaning, screaming, flailing, flopping, crying, and doing whatever.  Here is a video that “Manny” recorded.

I was crying in that video and all I could think of was my parents. I in fact did give a pretty good religious fight there in my drunkenness. I have watched this video over and over again. All the time I really am amazed at it and what I said. The pain of all the years resonated in my voice very well in that video and I am not surprised. Even  when I’m sober, that same pain I expressed in that video is still there. It gets worse everyday and I think I will Always have that hole punched in my heart. Even then, God is still alive in my life and I DO firmly believe in Him. I could never reject God!

So anyways, I spent that Saturday in a hangover and then that very Saturday evening Norm said I needed to get out right then and there. He was upset because I drank his vodka and rum. He wanted repayment and I couldn’t provide it. So, those next two days (Saturday and Sunday) I spent the whole time looking for another place to live and stressing out about it. I had to get the cops involved and I had to threaten to press charges on Norm. I even got into a bad fight with “Manny” and we are not the best of friends right now.  In fact, I completely ignore him and I am very scared to talk to him. I’ve kept my distance.

So with that being said, I apologized to Norm about everything and I agreed to pay him $350 by December 11th to stay November and December. There may be an option to stay for the month of January but we will see then.  I also admitted I am an alcoholic and I am trying to attend AA meetings. I am relieved though, because I was really stressed out about everything. I am still stressed because I missed my final exam on my one class and then I’ve got to figure out this money issue. I also am in finals with this Math class, but overall the shelter issue is covered (Phew!).

Right now I am doing ok. It’s a Saturday night and I made it through the weekend without drinking a lick of  alcohol (Congrats!) and I am quite still dealing with some things. For one, this one guy Brian Carmer got mad at me and threatened to tell the town I’m a horrid person and that I’m a whore. Why? Because like omg I put this ad on Craigslist advertising I wanted a boyfriend and then he emailed me. I was like uhm ok and then I looked at his facebook photos and was like omg he’s too old. I didn’t want to tell him and avoided it. Well that was a mistake on my part and when it came down to it, he got mad and told me he’d be a jerk.  Whatever though.

Just last night (Friday) my old lover from Pennsylvania texted me. He said he still cared for me and that he was still single. He also said that he hasn’t forgotten me. I cried. I still care for him too and my heart is heavy for him. I wish I didn’t leave. I told him I’d move back to Pennsylvania  in two semesters.  He said he might come down in December to see me. I hope he does.

Anyways, I think I’m done writing here. See ya later. And Thanks for reading my fans ❤

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-Jonathan S Fisher

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Updating u….part 1 =)

So, I’m sitting here at work two hours away from my shift ending. I’m so bored. Like literally sometimes I wish my job was more than sitting here at the front just letting the music students in the door. Sometimes I wish I could be a cashier. Sometimes I could be at Walmart just stocking shelves, but I have this boring job and I’ve gotta be grateful that I get money anyways. So, I’ve decided instead of sitting here and moping about this job to write this blog entry and bring y’all up to date with my life. It’s been a crazy life even as I speak.
So, I don’t remember where the hell I left off last time and I’m just gonna play it safe and begin wit when I was still living in Corsair Switzerlord. Yeah, those days were hard. He started to ask me for money and to buy him phone service and cable. Well, with that being said I looked for a fulltime job. I was having no luck. I was going to the library and filling out applications everyday and still wouldn’t get a call. I also continued looking and pursuing for a relationship with a guy. I think the last person I left y’all with was Jaime. Gosh, I still remember Jaime Lee Cain and I still have feelings for him but it would’ve never worked out anyways. But I think the next guy I moved on to was a man by the name of Chris. He seemed nice and I talked to him on facebook for a week. Then he decided to break up with me because he decided I wasn’t making a life for myself. He said I was a loser because I had no job and wasn’t in college and that he didn’t need someone like that. What a jerk!
Anyways, he broke my heart. He really did and I started to consider what I really needed to do in my life to make it seem like I was working to be a better person. I decided that very first week of breaking up with Chris that since I wasn’t having any luck with getting a Fulltime job that I was gonna go back to school. So with that chosen, I applied for Federal loan assistance and the Pell Grant. The application did ask me what school I was choosing to go to and I just chose Grand Rapids Community College (GRCC) because people had informed me before that it was a cheap college and a place to start. So, I took the leap and applied there. Within the next week I had taken the accuplacer test (Which I had scored pretty well on the reading and English part. However, I did need direction in Math), received my notification I was officially a student, and registered for classes.
So meanwhile, I started seeing a guy by the name of Tony. Gosh! Tony was a 42 year old single guy and damn, he was a sexy guy! He actually got me started with drinking alcohol tho. Him and I were seeing each other a lot and having sex a lot. He was hot and I had actually fallen for him. I really did and I am still in love with him. Infact, I’m gonna see him this weekend actually. Things got complicated with him anyways. He notified me a few weeks ago that he was moving to California. But before that he wouldn’t text me or call me, so I moved on.
So, I attended college orientation and after that was the official day I was a student and my classes began August 25 starting with Math 097: Basic Mathematics and Algebra. I was excited and scared that day. I had officially taken the first step toward my future and I had done it with no help at all from my foster parents. For the first time ever, I felt special and rewarded. I felt independent and free from my parent’s reign and I had more confidence of choosing who I wanted to be. I was feeling so proud that day. I called every one of my friends and my parents up to let them know. I had done something right and I wasn’t gonna let those people think I was stupid and irrelevant.
So, just after that I had also applied for work-study and then got my current job at Grand Rapids Community College Music Department working at a church letting Music students in through the door and setting up the classrooms for the teachers. Originally, I started at working Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2-8pm at $7.75 an hour. It was an awesome job to start with, but eventually it got boring. It’s a job anyways and it pays. Right now, I work Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays from 2-7pm same wage. It isn’t that bad actually because I see beautiful children and hear beautiful violins playing.
Anyways, after Tony, I had given up on love and just started having one night stands to fill my need for love. I also started being a prostitute and was selling myself on the streets. I was at the time struggling with my money and paying for cable+phone+internet at Corsair Switzerlord’s house. I was also buying many other things and I had also received a new cellphone through virgin mobile. So, I was struggling and I turned to prostitution. I got tired of these guys saying I was so cute and hot. I was like omg I could make money from just them paying me to get sexual with me. So I did just that. It wasn’t satisfying me, but heck I was making money and one time I made $300. I had given up on love. I was tired of being heartbroken and used. I met a lot of interesting guys anyways. I had also started drinking vodka like crazy too. I also came close to contracting HIV but thank God I tested negative. Infact just two weeks ago I got tested and was clean. So. Rest assured, I stopped prostitution a month ago, but I will get to that in a minute.
I did try to mange a relationship and be a prostitute too. I tried once to get into a serious relationship with a guy by the name of Todd Smith but sadly something went wrong there. He brought me vodka and gin, and I stayed with him for a few weeks but I slowly lost feelings for him and we separated. Then there was Ryan Michael Taylor from New Orleans. We were together for about 3 months. We talked like crazy. Everyday for an hour or more I would call him and talk about my life and my sex life. We had an open relationship going and we were fallen deeply for each other. Not sure what broke us up, but I think it was because I met another guy. Oh yeah! I did! I met Andrew Kinney (Andy). OMG he was like so in my alley. I had fallen for him majorly. We slept with each other for 5 nights in a row and he bought me food and was trying to help me get out of Corsair Switzerlord’s house (Sadly it didn’t work). He also introduced me to Calvary Church over on East Beltline and the College Group that meets on Sundays. We also went out to lunch a couple of times and we talked a lot. I was fallen for him and he got me into attending Calvary Church every Sunday. Sadly, we broke up. It wasn’t my doing though. He said he didn’t need a boyfriend and didn’t want to be committed at the moment and just left. I’ve seen him now and then but he never talks or texts me anymore. I think it’s because I exposed his sexuality in the church and he doesn’t know what to say. Plus he’s always working. So yeah, it didn’t work out.
So, Andy and I broke up and I continued to be a prostitute. I did a lot and made roughly $250 over a month and a half. Amazingly I also kept up the good grades in school. I also got worse in my drinking habit and tried some pot (I swallowed it and omg I almost died that night being so high from it). I had only done that once though and have stayed away from it. Sadly though, the alcohol got out of hand and I became an alcohol (Long story on how I came to realize it but I will also get to that in a minute). School was going very well. I was and still am taking three classes: Math 97: Basic Mathematics, CLS 100: Introduction to College for New Students, and MUS 189: College Choir. My favorite class: MUS 189: College Choir. I remain getting good grades and have already planned next semester’s classes. You know, I never did know what degree I was gonna get until I went to choir. College choir changed me. It gave me more confidence to sing and I realized how passionate I am about becoming a musician.
So when September came around and I was quite confident I wanted to major in Applied Vocal Performance in Music and I am actively pursuing it. It was a hard decision to make because I was haunted by many doubts and many downfalls such as what if I never become a famous popstar? Or what if I don’t become successful in music? Anyways, I took the plunge and I am glad I did! I am taking all my chances and pursuing my dream. And listen: I may or may not become a famous pop star but at least I tried and that’s all that matters in the long run. So, here is to the next four years and an Associate Degree in Music. Next semester, I am scheduled to take vocal, piano, and Beginner’s Music theory class. I am excited but I need to pass this math class first. I am doing very well on the class anyways averaging a B+!
So ayways, I had met this guy by the name of Norman Bouma while I was doing one of my side jobs of cleaning and he seemed nice. He was 72 and was impressed by my cleaning skills. He showed me a bedroom and said I could stay at $100 a month. I was really amused by the idea and I ended up moving in a week later. Well, that got me moved out of the Psyche’s house (Corsair Switzerlord) and into a better environment. Grant it, I also moved into a worse situation too. It was better than living with the psycho Corsair Switzerlord. Ok, I’ll explain. Norm asked me $100 plus my foodstamps plus sex. I was disgusted! I was like hell no! I aint having sex with great grandpa! So, I just continued to push it. I continued to kiss him but I never did do anything sexual. Eww! He begged me and asked but eventually he backed off after three weeks and increased my rent to $300 a month plus foodstamps. This was too much but I sold my butt on the street to pay for the month of October. I made that smooth $300 in a one night thing. I felt bad. BUT i didn’t have buttsex that night or do anything risky. Rather, I had to do “other” things and it was awkward because the guy was 57. I made the money anyways and paid the rent.
Well, meanwhile, I Went through three more breakups. After Andy, I kinda took a break and then came along “Danny” (We will just call him danny for now because I’m pretty sure he don’t wanna see his name on here because apparently his girlfriend is pregnant. ). Danny was a wonderful young man. He was 18 and lived in Muskegon. He was still in highschool and a beautiful white hairy chubby male. We were together for about two weeks but we ended up breaking up because his family couldn’t accept him for being gay and they threatened to throw him on the street if he continued to. So out of consideration I broke the two of us up and I moved on. He still secretly wants me and I know he still dreams of me, but it is what it is. He actually introduced me to Shane Dawson on youtube (Shanaynay) and actually gave me some spunk in my life. He was actually the first feminine guy I liked.
Well then there was Corey Kelsey. We slept together for two weeks and we actually thought about working things out. Sadly, things got into the way and he also was the one who brought me closer to God. Let me explain. Corey came from the streets and he was a good kid. He was wonderful at cooking and very masculine. Very skinny too. I think we had a mutual relationship going on and we were serious. Heck, I had him live with me in Norm’s house for 2 weeks! Then it fell apart. You see, he never did tell me he was pagan and then one weekend he told me. Told me he was a warlock and that he practiced paganism. This sent red flags up and I immediately started to realize how distant I was becoming to God. So, Norm found out too. And Norm is a christian and him and I got into an argument on why Corey couldn’t stay in the house. I actually brought religion into the argument and then that set off “the spark” and I don’t know what happened but supposedly I gave a sermon and quoted many scriptures that night!! It was very impressive and the first time I had a personal one on one religious conversation with Norm. Well, Norm ended up in the ER that night. He was shocked from the speech I gave. I also went to bed that night really spiritually troubled.
God was calling me that night! And He used Corey to make me realized how much I was sinning and drawing further away from His purpose for my life. God was telling me that night to stop being a prostitute and to search for real love. He also told me that I needed to take Corey out of my life and pray and read His word more. Well, I ran that night. I ran not physically, but spiritually. I Fought Him and asked why. I was scared. So I went to church that day with Corey and by the time It was over with Corey was angry and I realized he had to go. So I told him he needed to leave and I cried about it but he left that night and I never saw his face again. God then stepped deeper into my life and showed me the changes I needed to do and asked me to be more deep in praying to Him and I did. I stopped being a prostitute that night and I began to rely on God to provide. Ya know not only five days after days after that, I was needing a buspass to get around town. I came so close to tears. I was like i need this money but I’m gonna trust God right now to provide. He did. Norm, my roommate bought me a bus pass and I no longer needed anything. Grant it, Norm did say I would need to pay him back but yeah. I then trusted God 100% from that point and I still trust Him.
So, yeah. I continued to succeed in school and I also continued to attend Calvary Church. I also started to regularly attend Calvary’s Young Adult/College life program every sunday. I love this group actually because I’ve connected with the two leaders, Sue Schroeder and Mason Sherrill. I first connected with them when the college group went to Craig’s Cruisers. That night was fun and the first time I had gone out on an outing with them but basically I poured my heart out to the Youth Pastor,Mason and told my story. He said he wasn’t going to condemn me, which made me feel comfortable with him. Then Miss Sue Schroeder started to talk to me and I told her some details about my life. I am happy to be part of the group and I am trying to connect more with the Pastor and Miss Sue Schroeder (In fact, tomorrow I am having lunch with Mason to discuss my life and God. Yay!).
Ya know, my life was going very well until about four weeks ago. It started with a few breakups. You see, a few weeks ago I had been continuing to pursue a meaningful relationship with a guy and I Met a wonderful man by the name of Dan Chapp. He wasn’t from Grand Rapids. He had six kids. I was hooked on this guy and then all of a sudden he just stopped talking to me and wouldn’t even text me. I was upset about this and then Tony (The guy previously mentioned) also saw me. He said he was moving to California and that he loved me. He said he’d marry me if I just move to California with him. Uhm, I was so broken! I was drinking that day because I was upset about this and I had gone through two breakups. That very night I cut my wrist and ended up in the hospital. OMG, like I have never felt stupid! I came home feeling ok but that scarred me.
Then after that, not even two weeks later I went on a fall retreat. I will continue this later…gotta go and wrap up work.

Write Later.

Jonathan S Fisher

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