Jonathan S Fisher's Life Adventures

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Catching you up with My life

I haven’t written in ages so I figured it was about time to blog something. Well a lot has happened with my life since I last left y’all in February. I mostly gave up on blogging since I have moved so much and I rarely have time to sit down and think about writing, But I keep up with my life through Facebook mostly. Yeah and I have a few journals written but lost them. Like I used to write a lot so much and now it’s like I rarely write. Interesting.

Ok let’s move on. Don’t want to hear me bitch and moan about reasons why I can’t write as much as I was. So, moving back to February when I experienced that Gun shooting at my tiny little apartment. Yeah, that was scary but I thank God everyday (well when I think about it To Be Honest). Moving on though, I have some exciting news! Shortly after the shooting (about 2 weeks after, I think) I was at work and I got this weird friend request from a “Melissa Vining” and I accepted it just going on with my work duties. Well, shortly after on my lunch break this woman messaged me and said “Hey Jonathan, you may want to sit down before I reveal to you who I really am”. Jumping to conclusions, I quickly responded “Are you my real mother?”. “Mom?” She responded yes and then I burst into tears. Shaking and crying I sat down and responded back “Hi, I really been searching for you for 4 years now. Can I get proof you’re my real mother?”. She responded back by telling me that she was real alright and she’d video call me to prove it. So, at this point I only had 15 minutes left to my lunch break at work. So, she called me and immediately when I saw her face and heard her voice I knew it was my mother. I burst into tears again. I lost hope I’d ever find my real biological mother and here she was right in front of my face on a phone screen! Wiping my tears away, I asked her why she gave me up and she explained it wasn’t her fault and the state took me away from her before she had the chance to even care for me. Working with that my break time lunch was over and I had to say goodbye. You know that whole day, I smiled and grinned ear to ear! I had found my mother and I was so happy, but other questions did flood my mind. Why did she name me Jonathan? Why had the state taken us away? Besides my two half biological brothers I known and grew up with, did I have others? Who was my father? So many questions I had and I could barely wait to get home that night to call my mother back.

My shift ended and I immediately called my mother back. I didn’t want to wait till I got home. I could care less if the people on the bus heard my conversation! I wanted to know some more answers and I felt this new found deep love for my mother. So, it turns out on my way home and even when I returned home that I learned so much. For one, my mother named me Jonathan because it was one of her favorite male characters on the soaps (How funny!!) and my original middle name was supposed to start with a V. My father was Cedric and it was a one night stand between them that created me (Not what I wanted to hear but glad I was born anyways) and he was still alive and well living near a town over from her. Also, she had bipolar as well (THANK GOD! I wasn’t alone anymore) and that the state separated me and my two half biological brothers at the time of birth because of that. I also learned that I had two other siblings Sierra and Darrien who lived with my mother and another half-brother, Nicholas. I was so excited to hear this! My mother had a little family of five and I was a part of it!

Well, a few days went by (I think about 2 days to be honest) and then I started searching for my father. Don’t get me wrong: I loved my mother and her stories and I told her everything about my life so far, but something deep inside of me told me that maybe I could have the father of my dreams. So, I did what I do best and did some research on the internet. I found him on Facebook and even where he lived. I was excited! My father was a handsome man by the name of Cedric. I resembled him the most and even got his good looks. I requested him on Facebook and left it at that. Two days later he accepted and wrote me saying he was glad I found him and that he had been searching for me for years now but never knew what happened. As soon as I saw this, I burst into tears again. I had found both my birth parents and the dreams of finding my real parents had become true! Well, I messaged him back saying thank you and that I would love to speak to him on the phone and he said he’d call me that night. That night he called me it was a short but sweet conversation. He reiterated his message earlier but also told me that I had 3 more brothers and 4 sisters from his side. He also said he was 45 and that he had knee problems and was in the hospital for that. The news of more siblings excited me! Altogether between my birth mom and dad I had 12 siblings (5 sisters and 7 brothers). This was going to be a HUGE Family reunion!

Well that was wonderful and I went back to talking to my birth mom for a few weeks but then the ugly stuff ruined our relationship. I started asking the unnecessary questions. Why was my half-brother Lee alcohol fetal syndrome diagnosed? Why was my oldest half-brother from my mother retarded? Did my mother drink while pregnant? Why was she smoking so much? All these questions and more my mother wouldn’t answer and would get upset. We fought a lot because I wanted the truth and I felt like she was lying when she was denying it. I think I hurt my mother deeply by demanding the truth and telling her she was lying. I also told her that she was unfit to be a mother and needed help because it hurt me because I knew she was lying. Let me stop there. I still don’t know the answers to be honest! I may never know till I find God in heaven. My mother was claiming she wasn’t lying saying she never drank or smoke when she was pregnant. My father (in between I was communicating with him) said that she was and that she wouldn’t take care of us properly. I may never know the answers, but it drove a wedge between my mother and I and I had to stop talking to her.

So I moved on. My heart was broken that we never could just find a way to get along but I let go and went on with my life. I continued to work at Meijer Grocery store but I wasn’t happy. I felt the need to move again and so I did. I quit my job at Meijer and moved back to Los Angeles for a month. I Had fun. I went to six flags and I lived in a hostel for a month. It was fun but I went broke and had nowhere to turn. I was scared to be homeless in Los Angeles! Then my grandmother called me and said she’d pay for the ticket to Florida to live with her. I went and spent about 7 days in her house but then she went crazy and we got into fights over stupid things (Like how long I was in the shower or that I wouldn’t even find a job).  It all came down to one day when I got out of the shower she was angry and threatened me with a knife to stop using her water. I called the cops but they said it was her house and she had a right to do what she did. Grandma was pissed I called the cops so she threw me to the streets and I was left again with nothing. My father came to rescue and I lived with him for about 4 days and he threw me out because he felt like I was a stranger in his house and we also got into a fight. His fiancé didn’t like me also. So, after that I didn’t know what to do. I was broken and emotional. I lost my mother, my grandma, and my father. It seemed like my life ended there.

So, I called my one friend, Anthony McCoy, In Fort Lauderdale and he said I could stay with him for a while. So, I had to stay in the Dothan Shelter Rescue for 4 days before I left for Fort Lauderdale. It was painful going to Fort Lauderdale, I was in so much emotional crap then. I lost everything I loved and somehow I screwed up again! To this day, I truly wonder what I did wrong. I was only trying to protect myself when I called the cops and I tried so hard to follow my grandma’s rules in her house. Even at my father’s house, I tried my best to make amends. I know that the one time I talked bad about them leaving me behind when they had a family reunion but I apologized for it. I don’t know. To this day, it still makes me tear up and get emotional. But yeah, I moved to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and stayed there for about 3 months. I slept on Anthony’s bed for about a week and then he said I snored too loud and therefore kicked me to the closet floor. So yeah, there I was sleeping on the closet floor for 3 months. My back was destroyed from it but I didn’t complain. At least the man was letting me stay under his roof and take a shower and eat his food until I got my own stuff. I was thankful. I did live a life when I was in Fort Lauderdale!! Oh man, did I! I partied on my 22nd birthday and I met a lot of interesting people, including Jonathan Wiley, a country singer! I also did a lot of karaoke gigs, went to my first leather bar, went to south Florida’s Gay Pride, drank my first bud light (which I love drinking now) and so much more! All this time, I worked a part time (16 hour) job at Allstate Insurance as a telemarketer. It was fun and awesome experiencing my life in South Florida! Alas, it had to come to an end. Anthony told me that his boyfriend moved in and that I had to get the hell out of his house now. So, with that I slept on the street for a week before I moved back to Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Man, let me tell you about that week on the street! Technically I slept on the street for 4 days and the other 3 days I met Mark. Those 4 nights were horrible. One night I stayed up all night and just slept all day at the library. The other 3 nights I slept on a park bench cold. I survived and I thank God I wasn’t hurt. I also stuffed my Huge bags under a highway bridge and left them there. Then I met Mark. Mark was probably the sexiest man I have ever met! He was 52, white, and redheaded! At first when we met it was supposed to be hookup, but he liked me so much and invited me to stay with him. Man, those days I stayed with him I fell in love with him! He took me to the fanciest romantic restaurant in town and said I could get anything. I shared my whole life with him and I poured my heart and soul into this guy all whilst having some good wild sex. I never met a man like this before! It was like he was meant for me. Alas, that came to an end four days later. I had to leave to move to Michigan. I cried so much when I had to leave Mark. I fell in love with this man and now had to say goodbye. I cried as I hugged him goodbye. I don’t think I will ever meet another man like Mark.

So anyways, I moved to Michigan and here was the craziest ride for me. I stayed in a hotel for about 4 days (Half of which I paid for and then the other half my old friend paid for. Also, Mark paid for one night as well). Then I spent a whole night sleeping on the street. It was hard that night because I had to stuff my bags under a bridge and stay up all night and sleep all day. Eventually though, on the 5th day I got into Guiding Light homeless shelter and it was nice. They gave me 3 meals a day, free job prep, and so much more. I couldn’t complain. I worked several jobs in the three months I was in Michigan. I worked at several warehouses and even once for 2 weeks as a door to door businessman. It was a challenging time but I knew in my heart I was eventually going to leave. I did however prove myself a hardworking man and I made a lot of money in between. But my time to leave was due. Times were hard and l wasn’t really liking it there so I moved back to Los Angeles, California.  That’s where I have been for four months now. I will catch you up with these four months later but for now you’re all caught up with the year of 2016.

Thanks for reading!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

 

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New Life So Far

I swear I opened this diary to type something. My mind is so blank right now I am just staring at the screen just going through my mind of ideas. I could write about a lot! A lot? What’s that…?  Could write about my life or music.  Could totally start writing that book I wanted to write so bad. I am wasting a paragraph trying to figure out what to write. Do I even make sense anymore? Do people even read my stuff anymore? Am I relevant? It’s all racing through my mind tonight. I guess I am going into a manic episode and I know I need to go to bed too but I can’t.  This always happens when I go through a manic. I do hate having bipolar depression. It’s horrible

Ok, Let’s just be real. I came here to write about my life. There’s so much I can write about and so much I have to cover. I’ll start with Miami, but let me say I am writing this at 1am in the morning. I know, totally irrelevant but whatever. So, James and I BROKE APART and for a month there he was going to work and I was playing with other dudes on the side and trying to seek another boyfriend. It wasn’t working out and James and I were fighting a lot and getting into arguments. There was an incident one time when he was in the house and I was angry at him and we were arguing. I wanted to get out of the house and this guy was messaging me on Grindr asking me to come to his place. I was so angry that I agreed to go to his place and he came and picked me up.  He was so nice at first calling me baby and such but when we got to his house he immediately got dominating and forcefully took my clothes off and told me to bend over. I was scared and said no, but he kept pushing me against the bed. Yeah, he raped me and I cried and I had to call James to pick me up. James just laughed and said I’d get over it but that he was glad I didn’t get killed.  I can’t believe I got raped. It hurt and that day changed me so much!

James and I relationship went ever more further down that day and we started fighting nonstop and I raised my voice a lot and him and I just weren’t working out at all. So one day when he was working (He had a stay at home job at the time) him and I were in a heated argument about where I was going to sleep permanently (at the time I was still sleeping on the couch on and off and sometimes I’d sleep with him) and I suggested to him that if he was so sick of me being there than to send me back to Los Angeles. I don’t know how or why but he Agreed and bought me a Virgin America plane ticket back to Los Angeles!! That very day of departure I started to think about everything! I was making a HUGE decision and I was taking all the bravery and guts to be homeless in Los Angeles again. I cried a small tear of regret as my plane was taking off and I knew I was going to return to Fort Lauderdale one day, perhaps. I also felt a sense of love from that last hug that James Thompson gave me. I did have second thoughts as the plane was taking off, but I chose to move on. This was a dead horse not to be beaten at anymore! So with that I moved to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles was fun!! Being there the second time I changed things up a little and got a job within 4 weeks of being there at Target working as a cashier and I also started going to music lessons here and then and gained a little more confidence of being me. I do need to tell you that it wasn’t easy at first!! Within the first week I was literally sleeping on the street in bush. I was cold and lonely. I felt horrible and I was also starving as well, but I was determined not to let that get me down!! I reached out to my friends I knew before and asked them advice and I also went to Covenant House California every day to see if I could get into the shelter. After A week, my friends J.R. Wright and David R Persley let me stay at their apartment for a bit sleeping on their couch and they were making sure that Covenant House California was doing their job of letting me get into the program and within 3 days I was in the shelter safe and sound! It was cool being in the shelter. They changed the rules and my curfew was 7pm to start (which wasn’t bad) and the food was better too! My caseworker was awesome too and worked so well with me!

I’ve got to say that being in Los Angeles the second time was a thrill. Even as I write this, I am considering the option of going back a year from now if all my plans work out (I will explain later). I had fun walking the walk of fame once again and meeting new people. I relished in the glory of visiting the bath houses there (in other words I was a slut) and I treated myself to food and a lot of commodities. I lived the life of luxury while I could. I went to the beach a lot and I did date a few guys here and there but none of them stayed. One of the guys I remember really broke my heart. His name was Prince and he was handsome. He was actually A Black dude I really thought I was going to be with but I don’t know why but he left me when I told him my life story.  Other than that, not much really happened in Los Angeles. I did celebrate my 21st birthday! It was stupid because all I did was go to the gay bar in west Hollywood (The Revolver) and drink one shot which cost me $5. Other than that I had a horrible 21st birthday and I cried that day. Oh and I also did once go to the Bear Bar one Thursday night (The Fault line) and I met Ben Zook and the main cast members of “Where The Bears Are” (A gay show). I was happy but they didn’t really speak to me a lot. I Honestly think Ben Zook was attracted to me because he kept following me and kept looking at me. I left the bar that night crying though because no one would speak to me and I felt like I wasted a lot of money.

Other than that, I think the rest of my life in Los Angeles for the three months I was there was about legit and lame.  I spent like half my time working at Target West Hollywood as a cashier and a lot of time at either Melrose Spa or Midtown Spa because I knew I would never find a guy to be with. I wanted to pursue acting and singing but with work getting in the way all the time I just kind of gave up on that and put it to a rest. I did sign up for the Voice auditions there but my vocal teacher said I wasn’t ready (And now looking at myself I can freely and with no regret say That I WAS NOT ready!) so I didn’t go. Oh and I also got to speak to Adam Lambert too on kik but that faded away and he stopped texting me (legit tho!! I didn’t think it was real either till he sent me photos and a video! I freaked out at first but I did speak to him for about three weeks straight!). I also purchased the New Samsung Galaxy Note 4 august 21st and have had it since then. Awesome phone and the best one I have ever had!

Working at West Hollywood Target was a fun experience and probably the best job I’ve held since my career life began! My bosses were easy to work with and they gave me legit hours. The coworkers were awesome as well and I even might add I had a coworker flirting with me and I was blind to see it! I made a few friends while working there and got their snapchats. We chat every now and I am friends with three of them on Facebook. My boss said she was sad to see me leave but that if I ever came back to Los Angeles that she’d hire me back in definitely! It was awesome working there! You won’t believe this but I even rung up Gwen Stefani one day and didn’t realize it till my coworker told me who it was! Everyone was staring at me when it happened and I was like ok whatever and when I finished the transaction she just smiled and left! Now, at this moment I didn’t know who Gwen Stefani was but when I went on lunch my coworker was like dude you totally served Gwen Stefani today and didn’t know who she was! I looked her up and sure as hell I died in shock. Not really but it surprised me! So there you have it. Oh and another celebrity I saw was Leslie Jordan himself in West Hollywood!! He was sitting at the West Hollywood Starbucks just drinking coffee and reading the news! I didn’t get pics of it but it was awesome!

So yeah, working at Target was awesome but I was making minimum wage there and I couldn’t find any places to live. The homeless shelter wasn’t letting me advance to their next level program and I technically was falling behind a lot. I became dissatisfied with my life and wanted to move on. I felt like I needed to move. My friends from Michigan were begging me to come back so I chose to go back! So with that I bought a plan ticket to Michigan and moved back to Grand Rapids Michigan September 19 2015! I had no regrets leaving Los Angeles. Was glad I was getting away from Los Angeles and the expensive lifestyle I had there. The only thing I regretted was leaving Target! It was so fun working there and my boss even cried when I said goodbye! I will miss Target and maybe just maybe move back there in year.

So when I moved back to Michigan I actually got back on my feet quite quickly! I stayed at my friend’s House (Karleem’s house) for a month and acquired a fulltime job working at Meijer store as a Cashier. I started at minimum wage ($8.00 An hour but when 2016 came in it was raised to $8.50) but they gave me up to 40 hours and that was enough. I acquired the job around October 7th and by the time three weeks had passed I was ready to get a place of my own as Karleem and his girl were being threatened to be evicted out because they didn’t pay their rent for 2 months. I also had the desire to move because Karleem and his girl were always fighting and putting my religion down. Their house was smelly too and I just wasn’t getting along with Karleem at all. So I started looking for rooms for rent in Grand Rapids. I checked craigslist and apartments.com and many other places. Within 2 weeks I found one and the guy was only asking $250 a month which included all utilities and water and free Wi-Fi and a washer and dryer in the basement! At the time of move in he was only asking $125 because it was the 15th so I took it! I had found an awesome deal and I am glad I did! I am still residing in the same place 4 months later! I have had no problems with my room mates and no problems with the house! In fact, Me and my roommate (I have two…one is the landlord and is gay. The other is str8 but funny) actually hit it off the first night quite well because he took me to a bar and brought me a beer and was laughing and got to know me. I liked him!! He was awesome and is my best friend at the moment!

Shortly after moving into my new place, Karleem and I got into a fight and it didn’t end so well. He threatened to take my life so I got a PPO filed against him and we no longer speak. Also another crazy thing is that all the friends that were begging me to come back to Michigan all weren’t even speaking to me at all! I attended Calvary Church once again and they didn’t seem to care as much as they did two years ago. I did feel a change and then I slowly started to slip into a deep depression realizing I lost all my friends I had before and they didn’t care for me much anymore. Then Adam Anderson stepped into my life. He just approached me at Calvary Church and was like hey bro let’s hang out. He was very nice in the beginning and he seemed like a perfectly good gentleman. He was giving me rides and told me to call him anytime I needed anything. He seemed so nice and friendly.  Then I told him I was Gay. That’s when things started to slide and that’s when I Started realizing he had a problem with me being gay. At the time, I felt so thankful to God for getting me so far in life that I went to Mason Sherrill and Adam Anderson and told them I wanted to get baptized. They shot me down! They said I had to change my lifestyle and the ways I act in order to be baptized.

This enraged me and that’s when I started questioning my faith and values. I started to drink and slipped into a deep depression. I was literally drinking a lot and one night I drank so much that I wanted to commit suicide! I cried out in despair and anguish to God to save me because I started drinking more and then I blacked out. I woke up the next day with a slight headache and realizing that religion was dragging me down. I kind of stuffed it thought and continued to go to Calvary Church denying the fact that every time I left there I’d feel depressed and suicidal and rejected.

So the holidays came and Meijer decided to make me start working 60 hour weeks (12 hour shifts…5 days a week) and I became even more exhausted. It got worse, my feeling of loneliness and rejection and Adam kept pressing on me that I needed to change. Thanksgiving came and I had dinner at Adam’s place. We talked and laughed but when I got home I cried and started drinking. Then I just fell asleep and pushed it away. Christmas came. I bought my friends Tiffany Love and Alexandra Blair and I also gave my two roommates Christmas gifts as well. The sad thing is that I never got anything in return but that was alright with me. Christmas 2015 was about giving back to the people who made a difference in my life that year! I was happy for a while there giving those gifts. And then another surprise and blessing happened!! The day before Christmas eve My youngest sister hit me up on Instagram and commented on my blog saying she missed me and Merry Christmas! I cried and I was excited!! I then told everyone around me I was happy and that it brought hope and peace back into my life! I was so happy and then Adam Anderson stepped in. He invited me to Christmas dinner with him and his family so I went and I kind of knew it wasn’t going to turn out so well.

Adam Anderson picked me up that night from work and we started talking about my day and all. Then I told him how I was on top of the world because my sister was speaking to me. Then he literally went there. He started attacking me about how it was wrong for me to be talking to my sister because it was against my parent’s approval and that’s against the Bible. He also said my parents had the full right to throw me out and that they will let me speak to my sister when they wanted.  I then started slipping down and I yelled at him and said I am done with this bullshit God stuff and I started crying and all but I brushed it off and had dinner with them. The dinner was lovely. We ate some squash soup with beef and salad. Then afterwards they gave me my gifts (a shirt, two hoodies and two pairs of pants) and Adam said he needed to take me home. We got into the car and as we were driving back to my place Adam kept reiterating that I shouldn’t be talking to my little sister and how being Homosexual was against the bible. Yeah, once I got home I felt empty and like a failure and got out my bottle of rum and drank until I passed out. I woke up the next morning feeling crappy but I got through the day crying and asking God why.  Afterwards I went to work the next day and stuffed my emotions. I forget how long I stuffed them for but one night I got so drunk that I cried out to God and I was throwing up because all the stuffed emotions were coming out. I felt lost and rejected and sad. Well, let’s just say I called Adam that night and I cried so much and he put me to sleep saying I’d be ok and to call him when I was sober.

I Woke up the next morning crying in pain. I decided to call out of work. I mean, I was still feeling crappy and suicidal. I felt lost, lonely, and worse. I wondered why I was still alive. I drank practically the whole bottle of Rum. I should’ve been dead. God, I cried out so much that day and then as the day began to progress I reached out to my Facebook friends and they all told me what the hell was my problem. It was Adam and Calvary Church. They were leading me to suicide. They were making me feel worthless. So with that I called Adam up and told him I was done. I no longer could handle the negativity and that I almost lost my life twice because of him and Calvary Church. He tried to convince me to stay but I put my foot down. I said I know that God loves me unconditionally and He don’t care that I am gay! I also concluded that I DO NOT believe the Bible is 100% true and accurate and that some homophobes put their bigoted views in it. Also told him that I don’t think God minded me speaking to my sister and that I would continue to do so because it’s the only thing that made me feel like I belonged and was loved. Ya know, he did say I was messed up and everything but that was the last time I ever went to Calvary Church and I feel FREE!!! I have never felt so much better in my whole life letting go of all the negativity in my life.

So I continued to work at Meijer and New Year’s came. My sister was little quiet for a little bit but we started talking again around New Years and she began to tell me so much more about her. She’s the town model and loves to play softball. She also told me a bit more about what’s been going on in the family. Christopher got a girl pregnant and had a baby boy. Britany got married to some fat balding guy named David and they live in a house together (she’s not pregnant yet but I do expect to hear that this year!). Bradley is still in a mental hospital and is doing fine there (figures!). Lorenzo got engaged to a white girl and got her pregnant. Craig is in Sophomore year in high school and is involved in sports. That’s all cool. Mom apparently doesn’t go to church anymore and doesn’t believe in SDA No more (That was a shocker but apparently she still hates gays!). Apparently also Tiffany swears up and down like a sailor and mom doesn’t care. They all have changed. I did reach out to my dad to see if I could come home for a visit. He told me to kill myself! Yes, I cried and almost did commit suicide when he said that but then I remembered my life is far more precious than what my parents say about it and that my sister is looking up to me. I have a purpose on this earth and it hasn’t been fulfilled yet!

So yeah, I started the New Year 2016 with no goals but working at Meijer still and performing karaoke. As the end of January came to an end I decided I wanted a better body so I have started working out and trying to lose weight. It’s a hard process though but in a year from now hopefully I will be 145lbs instead of my 215 I weigh right now. I started working out and I also have gotten into writing lyrics. Me and my sister still talk on and off.  I am still staying at the same place and rent hasn’t been a problem to pay! I am doing so well.

You know I have had some different experiences as well. Just about three weeks ago I went to see Breaking Benjamin and Starset Live at the Orbit Room. It was awesome seeing Starset Perform live and I got VIP!! I was front stage and got a photo with the band members! I bought their cd as well and got their autographs!! It was great. Breaking Benjamin was boring and disappointing. Made me feel worthless and cry all the way home. I don’t think I will be seeing Breaking Benjamin Live ever again! It was depressing and pointless. However, on the other side of that I also found out that Celtic Woman is doing a show in June at DeVos Hall!! I am excited and am definitely going to see it!! I am buying the tickets in April and Hopefully I will be able to get VIP meet and Greet with that as well!! It should be fun!!

So just one last thing and then I will be finished with this post (I know…I can hear the sighs of relief…LOL). I had an experience the other day that made me appreciate being alive once more. It also made me realize I DO have a purpose to be living and that God WANTS me alive! So anyways, just the other day (on the 17th) I was lying in bed and taking a selfie when I heard this loud BOOM! It shocked me and I got up thinking that maybe my candles busted (As I do have two candles I burn every night in my bedroom and just that day I left them burning all day because I spent all day in my room). I checked those and they seemed still intact. So then I thought well maybe my roommate dropped something So I went outside and asked him what happened and he was like nothing. So then I looked around and sure as hell I noticed a hole in my wall and my door and as I looked into the kitchen I saw a hole in my room mate’s door as well! It took me a minute to realize it but then I realized they were bullet holes!! So then I searched for the bullet and found it laying there right on the floor! This scared me and I started hyperventilating and going into shock! I started freaking out that someone was after me and wanted to take my life! My roommate (being the awesome guy he is) sat me down in the bedroom and told me to calm down. He called the cops and they came to investigate the scene. I couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had been in the direction of that bullet! My life would’ve ended and I would’ve died alone and sad. I promised myself that I would make my life better after that and live like every day is my last! I am so glad it didn’t hit me and missed me and my roommate by 5 inches! The police did an investigation and found out there were two shots fired! The other one barely missed the window by which I lay and if it had gone up it would’ve killed me or hurt me. My guardian angel was watching after me and made that bullet hit the concrete!! I am so thankful to be alive and I PROMISE to make life more precious from this point on! That was a scary experience but I am glad no one was hurt. Police can’t identify the suspect but they do believe it was linked to the robbery that happened down the street from us! Like I said before, I am glad I lived!!

Well, I have decided that in a year I am going to move back to los angeles or Miami!! I am saving my money (doing the 52 week challenge money thing) and studying to get my driver’s license so that next year at this time I can just drive to either Miami or Los Angeles and make a life there! I hope it works out! It should!  Anways, it’s time for bed!! It’s almost 4am here. And I need to wake up at 6:30am to catch the bus to work. oh and by the way, I have been single for 6 months now. 🙂 Single is fun! Goodnight!! And thanks for reading and your support!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

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That was my picture with Starset!!

 

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Coming Soon!!! A new 2016!

I will be right back soon everyone!! Its been a long time!!! I will be coming back sooon!!

Prince Charming and Life Construction

Ok Focus……..focus.

So I broke up with James. I know that it’s shocking, but yes we broke up and decided to remain friends. What happened? Long story. I’ll make it as simple as ever. James and I kept getting into stupid fights about petty stuff. Then one night he said people were talking about us in the community and that his friend confirmed it on Facebook. So I didn’t believe him and went and checked his phone and saw his friend was actually the one talking stuff about ME! His friend was saying I was a piece of shit basically and that he didn’t think James and I should be together. This made me angry. James lied to me and this wasn’t the first time he lied to me. Not only that but I also found that James was talking to this 19 year old  about bringing him into the house and having sex with him. I got mad and decided I had enough of it all. I told James he wasn’t my Prince Charming and that we were over and that’s how it ended. James was nice and said I could stay at the house as long as I still contributed to the food expenses and tried to pay the bills when I had money. So him and I ended up being friends and that was 8 months of being in a relationship.

Now that I am single I feel much more free. I feel energetic and ready to conquer the world. I feel more motivated to fix myself and and my life. I am actually trying to pursue going to Job Corps program for Culinary Arts. I really want to fix my life and get a career in whatever and be able to pay my own bills and own my own apartment. I decided that when James and I broke up that I am tired of living the life I am living and that it was time for a change. So with that I am taking one day at a time to change my life. If Job Corps doesn’t work then I plan on going to Broward College part time for Culinary Arts or Childcare and work a part time job as well. This is going to be the hardest struggle of my life. Yes, I know at times I may want to quit but I will have to fight. I am scared. I’m frightened because I may face homelessness and danger. I may face the hardest trials yet but in the long run I will have successfully made my career and defined my life. So let’s hope this works.

I’m going to be honest too. I am desiring a new love story.  I think about it everyday. There is a new man out there looking for me and I am searching for him too. I really thought about the list of things I want this boyfriend to be like and here it is:

10 Basic Things I desire in a man: The official list

1. Honesty above all. I mean, I don’t need no man lying to me and telling me s**t. I need a man who’s honest and not afraid to be blunt and up-front.

2. Unconditional love. Love that’s deep. Love I feel is love. No hurt or pain involved and if mistakes are made they are easy to forgive. Love that lasts and feels like a fairy tale.

3. Steady job and Income. I’m not a gold digger but I really appreciate it when my man has money and knows how to budget and handle his money right. It’s a maturity thing I guess.

4. Sex. Sex everyday if possible. I mean: c’mon I’m horny all the time and I’d love a man who I can have sex with anytime (when possible). I really would like it if he was a dominant versatile top so I can bottom 60% of the time and top whenever I feel like it. I want the kissing and holding to be passionate and wonderful. I want a man who I burn for. I also want him to be open to trying kinky things like leather and bondage and sex toys. I want a good fuck all the time.

5. Appreciation and encouragement. I want a man who appreciates my existence and my talents and pushes me a step further in pursuing my dreams. I mean take me to any classes or anything needed to pursue my dreams. A man who likes it when i cook or bake and appreciates it and A man who likes to hear me sing (because we all know i sing). Also a man who appreciates my music

6. Adventurous. I want a man who knows how to be adventurous and isn’t afraid to go to places. Like to a museum or even out of state if finances permit. Or would love to go on a scary roller coaster or simply to a new club together.

7. Energy and excitement outside of the bedroom. This is a big one. I want a man who loves to be excited to go out in public and be fun. I love to be loud and affectionate in public. I love to make a scene sometimes. I want a man who wouldn’t mind that and would love to be freaky and exciting outside the house.

8. Physically attractive. Okay, so no man is never gonna meet the “Exact criteria” of this part but it’s worth writing about my type. Age doesn’t matter as long as he meets the above criteria. I like young and I like older. I won’t deny that most of my dating life has been older men because most young men fail to meet the criteria and only want sex (NO offense! Prove me wrong). As far as body form goes I really like a thick man. Whether he’s muscular or chubby or just all a little husky it doesn’t matter. I’m not really into skinny because there’s no substance there. I love it when a “beefy” guy has a beautiful ass and wonderful arms with a little belly. Most of all I DO NOT appreciate small packages. Sorry if I sound like A size queen but he’s got have at least seven inches and I have to be able to want it. Most importantly and lastly but not least, He’s gotta be hairy! I don’t like hairless and smooth. It just doesn’t suit me.

9. A man who can accept my emotional problems and help me get away from them and focus on being happy. I’d love my man to make me feel secure and happy with him and when I get emotional he understand knows when to back off and when to give me the attention I need. I’d love for him to watch my back too.

10. Lastly but not least I want us to be happy with each other and not to even consider being open. I want our fire to burn so much we get married and live happily ever after! I want us to be happy with each other and want us to be together forever till we die.

So is this too much to ask!? I don’t think so! What do you think? I may never find this man. I may die trying but I am not concerned about it so much as I am concerned about fixing my life. I may never find that man because the gay community is in a sad state right now. I am hoping for a young love story as in someone younger. I may never find it but it’s worth trying.

Anyways, I will write more later. Here’s to another day of fixing my life and looking for the real Prince Charming ❤ !

-Jonathan

9 Months almost

Well Readers,

It’s been almost 9 long months with this guy. 9 months. The baby should be due by now. I’m just joking but really it’s been almost 9 months. It’s been a hard 9 months to be honest with you all. We have had our struggles and fights and trials. Even as I write this, things are not good. There’s a bad vibe going on right now but I will enclose details later. For now, I am going to try to do my best to catch you readers up with what’s been up. I don’t know where to start so I will go all the way back to Christmas 2014. almost 5 months ago. Here it goes:

Christmas mostly sucked. I was in a bad mood that day and James’ friend Silas (Name has been changed due to privacy) came over. I didn’t really like his friend Silas and we didn’t get along because he was a “slut” and I couldn’t stand him talking about his sex life and stuff around us. We went to dinner for Christmas Eve which was really good. I ordered a overcooked burger with fries. It was nasty. Then we drove around town for a bit, headed home, and crashed for the night. I woke up Christmas morning and was upset because I had received no gifts and I was missing my family. I was so pissed off that the whole day was affected by that. James’ friend took us to Key West and when we got to the 7 mile bridge I totally broke down and got suicidal threatening to jump off the bridge. James’ friend didn’t appreciate this and instantly escorted us all to the car and drove us home. He then left and said he didn’t want to come back until I was sane. I was fuming angry then because he was calling me names and telling me I was retarded. I told James to never let him in our house ever again! I eventually cooled down and James and I spent the rest of the Christmas day watching movies and just laughing.

New Years was completely ok. James and I stayed home and watched the New York Ball Drop Party. We also drank some liquor and ended up passing out at the end of the ball drop with lots of Liquor leftover. I was still missing my family a lot and there was a lot of pain but I got over it very quickly. New Years passed and then a couple of days went by and I got intoxicated with the remaining liquor (vodka). I went crazy. Not sure how, but James and I both believe that the spirits from our next door neighbors came over and possessed me and I went crazy. I tore a cemented pole out of the ground (no kidding!!!) and I was wild like an animal. James called the cops and I was baker acted into the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights. That was a scary event I shall never forget!! I was possessed by a spirit…and it wasn’t a good one. It was a very violent and angry one. It tore the whole house apart and like I said before, tore the cemented pole out of the ground! It caused a lot of damage and James was frightened. The police even said they believed I was possessed! Well, I spent that time in the psychiatric hospital and I learned my lesson to never drink liquor like that again! To this day I won’t allow myself access to liquor like that because we are still in the same house and I do believe the spirits still live in the house right next to us.

Anyways, nothing else really exciting happened after that. James and I have been trying to piece ourselves together. Sometimes we work and sometimes we don’t. It’s an ass kicking relationship really and sometimes I don’t want to be in it. We fight a lot over finances. I try to get jobs and keep them but I always seem to lose them. 😦 . I got a job in March 2015 working at Holiday Cruise Line and that lasted for three days because I lost interest fast. All I was doing was selling cruises to customers over the phone and it was the stupidest job I’ve ever had. I was making no sales and kept getting hangups. I got frustrated and just quit. I found out just this month they were shut down from the FBI anyways because they were selling illegally. That’s about the only job I’ve held since the new year. I’ve been busy helping James with his truck hauling business (in which I get 50% of the total cost) and cleaning house. I also been busy trying to hack my wii (I Forgot to mention we bought a new Wii) and other stuff. I got a tax refund of $1000 at the end of January so I bought a new computer and new stuff. Then I participated in a research and got awarded $125 . I bought a new bike with that. Then James bought an XBox 360 with his tax return which was cool, We also got another dog and named her Tinkerbell (She’s a Chihuahua mixed with mutt).

It’s been a wild ride and I am blessed to be alive.  Just this past month James got laid off from his job and we had to go to the state for assistance with our rent. It was horrible but we made it through and God blessed us. There was a time in March we both ran out of food so we had to ask the state for assistance again. Ugh, things just keep getting complicated and it’s tearing me and James apart. I honestly hope we can stick it out but lately we’ve been fighting about finances and me getting a job. I am trying to get a job at Big Lots as a cashier but I don’t know. James and I are slowly falling apart and I am gasping for air because I don’t know what I am going to do without him. I applied for Job Corps and hopefully they will pull through but I am very nervous. I hope we last but it’s uncertain.

Well I need to go.

I’ll write more later.

Thanks for reading!

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Hey Readers,

I haven’t been able to write because I have been extremely busy getting my life right.  This blog will be closed until further notice. I’m sorry 😥 

Thanks for the support.

-Jonathan

6 Months later

Hello Readers,

Sorry I haven’t written in like forever. Six months to be precise. I just haven’t been motivated and been so busy with fighting for disability, moving job to job (I’ve held 3 to 4 jobs by now), taking care of my relationship with my boyfriend (Still with the same guy, James Thompson but it’s been really hard), and then moving to places. So I may start this post today and finish it like 3 months later or something. I just been really busy and my life has changed and everything has been crazy.

So in short explaining what has happened between James and I: We still are in an open relationship. We once were close to closing it but he messed up and hurt me so I decided to keep it open. We get into a lot of fights over stupid stuff. We fight over finances, housework, and most of all we fight over how many guys I been seeing. It’s a different kind of relationship. Some would say it is abusive on BOTH sides. I admit that I am a little of a hard ass on James. I totally fucked up a lot but he has too so it’s really a 50/50 scenario. I cry a lot because sometimes I don’t think this is the relationship i want to be in. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to feel vindictive when James hurts me. I don’t want to feel like i want to leave him. I don’t want to feel like we are never going to get married. I want peace. My biggest hurdle and struggle is finding the change I need to change in myself.

I think about it everyday. I know i need to change something about me. I’m doing something wrong here. Maybe I’m being too ungrateful by asking for help with chores around the house when James works two jobs and I work nothing (although i do admit I’ve been trying really hard and have held 3 to 4 jobs by now). Maybe I’m being a little harsh when I go to hookup with a guy and I have sex with him and I hardly have sex with James (heart throbbing….I’m sorry). I know there’s a lot I can change and I am trying to. For one, since i can’t seem to hold a job I am trying to fight for SSI Or disability so I can help James financially. For two, I try my hardest not to have James do a lot of chores (I try hard. I do the dishes when I can and I clean house everyday). For three, I don’t hook up as much as I should. Most of the time I lay back and just don’t hook up. I don’t know, it’s all a maze for me and it stresses me out a lot because sometimes I lash out and say hurtful things to James just to destress and then later I regret it when I see him cry or get super emotional.

James and I have been in a relationship for six months now and it’s been a ride. This has been the longest relationship I’ve been in. What has kept him and I together after all the pain and hurt has been done? James says it’s love. I don’t know what to call it because I don’t think love hurts. Now, don’t get me wrong I do care for James a lot and I do love him but I don’t know what love is. I mean, my reasoning is that love shouldn’t hurt like this but slowly I guess I am accepting the fact that love does hurt. We’ve made memories too! Good memories have kept me with James. Then I also really like James’ humor and his caring heart. Whether he wants to realize it or not, I am still attracted to him and he still can turn me on. Sometimes my bipolar gets in the way and I am lose interest but after it all I still love him and still care deeply and am attracted to him.

We’ve made good memories. One of the best memories was we did move out again and have our own apartment now. We moved out of Anthony McCoy’s house around December and got an apartment downtown Fort Lauderdale! Guess what!? We also adopted a small female beagle and Named her Neena!!! So by January 1st 2015 we moved fully into our new 1 bedroom 1 bathroom apartment at $750 a month and had us a little pet to take care of. I instantly fell in-love with Neena! She became my little Princess and I spoiled her everyday. To this day I still spoil her and give her the best treatment ever. Neena became the best thing that has ever happened to me because she loves me unconditionally and she would never hurt me. Hell, there was once when James opened the front door and she ran out the door. James chased her but she wouldn’t come to him. When I called her name she just ran straight to me and licked me. I was happy! That meant she wanted me! I love my dog Neena and she means the world to me!

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Another happy memory James and I made was the time when we went to the beach!! We had so much fun! We went all the way to Miami and had a little picnic at a nude beach called Haulover Beach. It was so much fun because I have never been nude on a beach before and I simply enjoyed being in the water nude and seeing all the people see me in my birthday suit! James never got nude because he didn’t feel comfortable but I was happy and free! We had a great time that day and took some pics. Here are some:2014-12-07 16.14.39

I had so much fun that day and that was a good memory. Maybe one day soon we will go back but for now it is a little chilly outside. Another great memory James and i made were the times we went out to eat! I can’t describe the exact number of times we went out to eat but we had the funnest times then. Once we went to Golden Corral and our server was a spanish lady who didn’t speak English quite well and she was serving tea to another customer and then asked the other customer if she wanted more tea. Now, James thought she said “Would you like some more Tina?”. Him and I were dying of laughter and we made sure to leave the waitress a good tip. Then the best restaurant yet him and I went to was called Sweet Tomatoes. That was the best food but rude customers.

Thanksgiving was fun. We went to James mum’s house in Uvalda, Georgia and had dinner and spent time with his mum. I loved his mum! She was a little ratchet and loud just like me and she understood my mental conditions and could relate to my life a lot. Her and I are alike in many ways. She loves to cook and clean and she also loves half the shows I watch on tv and she also loves pets like I do. She is very ratchet like me (Ratchet means very loud and obnoxious) and loves to talk! I loved his mum and I can’t wait to see her again! His step-dad was ok but very quiet so I didn’t really connect with him. His mum had a lot of cats and one dog. The cats loved me and I was entertained.

Christmas and New Years was just plain normal. We both drank on New Years and went to bed drunk while watching the ball drop. James’ Friend, Paul came over Christmas day but it didn’t end so well. I am not going to disclose details on what happened as I may get sued for even mentioning his name on this blog but it didn’t end pretty and Paul went back home. All I can say about that day was that I was mad as hell because James hurt me that day by calling me an idiot in front of 15 people and I cried and was suicidal because it hurt. At the end of the day, James apologized and I forgave him.

Other than that, not much has happened. I already explained the whole relationship thing. I did file for SSI for my bipolar, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Anxiety, and ADD issues. I got denied once and appealed it. Waiting on the decision but it is looking good so far. Other than that nothing else is new. I hope people are reading my blog because I don’t see who reads it. Please comment!! Thanks!

-jonathan-

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That was me at the manor 

 

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Me at the Manor with LadyGuy DiscoDiva:

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OUR NEW BED:

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Well Have a great day!! Don’t forget to check out my Twitter and Facebook for daily updates!!!

God Bless!!

-Jonathan-