Jonathan S Fisher's Life Adventures

Posts tagged ‘Emotions’

32 Days and Celebrating my 50th post :)

Hey readers,

How’s it going? I am not doing so well today or this evening. I’m feeling a little lonely and down on myself. I am thinking suicidal thoughts (which I think I will always face my whole lifetime). I guess I’m just exhausted and stressed out because I have three interviews  lined up for the next three days (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday). Two of them pertaining to work and the one dealing with DPS so I can get food stamps/medical in California.

So based on my post’s heading or subject, yes I have been living in Covenant House California for 32 days now. It’s been a quite interesting experience tho. Here’s how my schedule was like in the past 30 days:

Monday Through Friday:

7AM-Wake up time. I usually sleep in till 745 or 730 depending on how I am feeling. During this time, we are given the opportunity to take morning showers, Make our beds, and do whatever pertains to cleaning the bedroom. I don’t usually take morning showers so I sleep in. It also don’t take much for me  to clean, as I am clean all the time and organized.

8AM to 830AM- Breakfast. I can’t complain about this because it’s free breakfast and at least they feed me. Some mornings it is good but then some not so delicious, but it’s better than nothing! I have skipped breakfast a few times tho. I think the best breakfast so far that they have served is omelette with Hashbrowns and toast.

830AM to 9:15AM- Morning meeting. This is the time when all the residents and staff of the crisis unit come together and meet in the Multi purpose room to discuss issues and what will be needed to be done for the day.

9:15AM to 1145AM- Case Management and Career Center duties. This is the time when we first meet with our case managers. My case manager is Mrs. Lon Usher (I know, I though it was a weird name too). Miss Lon talks to me about my goals for the day and makes sure I am keeping my mind-set on getting a job and a house. She also kind of annoys me by telling me what to do with my friends and always asking me for employment contact sheets. I think by now she knows I don’t listen to her advice about what to with my friends and life. I run my life and I choose where to put my friends. I am not going to stop putting my friend’s needs first because I love my friends. Mrs. Lon always tells me to put my friends on the back burner. I just say whatever all the time.

After meeting the case manager, it is time to move over to the career center. The career center is awesome and helpful! I have no complaints about it because the staff are friendly and help out in any way they can. I do admit the first two weeks I was in the career center that I gave them a problem because I didn’t want to do the classes and work they were making me take. They had me take a class called Job Prep, which was simply a review of what employers are looking for and  how to land your job. Job Prep also help me create a resume and cover letter, which ultimately did help me. The second class they had me take was called “Interview Workshop” in which I sat through a mock interview and answered questions. It was fine.

So with those two classes, I had to also complete what they called the “Casas Test” which was quite simple and I scored high on it. It was a test involving two parts: Math and English. It wasn’t hard at all. Then I also had to complete an assessment which identified my strengths and weaknesses. It also put me in possible career paths I could be useful in. It was an interesting test and it landed the spot on where I was.

So after taking those classes and tests, My Employment/Education specialist, Monique Randolph, sat me down to discuss my job search plan. We came to the conclusion that my goal was to get a full time job working in Retail and that Monday through Friday I would put in five apps per day and report to her every Monday. Monday and Tuesdays were my on-site days where I would stay at the career center all day and fill out 5 online applications. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my offsite days where I can go anywhere in California but I would have to say where I am going and bring back 5 apps. Fridays were my day when I can choose what I want to do as long as I turn in 5 apps that day. So with that being said, that started my days.

I’ve applied to so many places by now and only had two interviews, but I have a feeling that soon I will be getting a job. It’s bound to happen. Moving on.

12 noon Lunch. Sometimes I skip lunch especially on my offsite days.  The best lunch so far has been Chinese.

1230pm to 430pm- Free time or continued job search . If my five apps are not filled out by this time, I just head right back to the career center and finish. Otherwise I just end up heading down to the Starbucks coffee shop down the street and chill. I usually just sit at the table scanning Facebook or checking my #Grindr or #Growlr waiting for someone to chat with me or hookup. Needless to say when I do hook up, they have been a waste of time with exception of two guys. Yes, I have two guys that I saw that were special, but I will cover that later.

5pm to 6pm- Dinner and Courtyard time. This is the time we eat dinner and spend time outside in the courtyard. Usually all the smokers go in one place and smoke.  I usually just sit on my phone texting people or scanning Facebook and watch the boys play basketball. It’s really boring at this time. Dinner is not bad tho! The best dinner they have served is Meatloaf with mashed potatoes and buns. They always serve salad at every dinnertime.

6pm to 7pm- Lifeskills: Roomtime. This is the time when we all are required to be in our rooms cleaning. Usually, I just lay down on my bed and chat with friends or browse Facebook on my phone. We’re supposed to make our beds, fold any laundry we have or do laundry, vacuum the floor, and tidy up the bedroom. I’m always clean so I never bother because all I really have to do is do a load of laundry every now and then. It’s my personal time.

7pm to 8pm- Lifeskills workshop. These are the classes where we learn various lifeskills such as the importance of Renting apartments, social skills, budgeting, etc. Sometimes the classes help but most of the time I’m just on my damn phone texting friends.

8pm to 845pm- Free time. This is the time when we have a choice on what we want to do. They offer classes in music (Mondays are guitar..which I attend frequently. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are percussion/drums. I attended a couple of these classes but the teacher is like a Pacific Islander or something because he has a weird accent and it’s hard to understand. I can’t stand him so I don’t attend the class and rather just watch TV or browse Facebook on my phone. Thursdays are Piano/Voice days. I go for the voice lessons. I don’t know the woman’s name who teaches voice/piano but she is very nice and right now we are working on my breathing.

Fridays we don’t have any classes so I usually watch TV or hang around.  On Wednesdays, they also offer art classes, which I attend frequently and usually do something with clay. So everything is pretty chill. Like I said before, I usually am on my phone most of the time texting friends or Browsing Facebook. My mind is always with my friends.

845pm to 915pm- Night meeting. This is the time all the residents and the staff come together to discuss current issues in the house and concerns. I never speak up about anything because I just want the meeting to go by pretty fast, but then certain residents in the house are immature and drag it on forever. I just sit there and wait patiently.

915pm to 930pm- Chore time. If you signed up to do a chore for that night then you have to complete it at this time. I usually have two days I sign up to do five chores. Chores are quite simple and easy to do. It’s a bunch of vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning furniture, and taking out trash. Nothing too hard.

930pm- Bedtime. The facility doesn’t shut down anything till 11pm but I am usually in bed by this time.

 

Saturdays and Sundays

Saturdays and sundays are pretty simple and laid back with a slight different schedule. Here is how it goes:

7am-8am- wakeup time. This time is very optional. We only have to wake up if we want breakfast. I usually skip breakfast on the weekends, but there have been times I have gone down and eaten breakfast.

8am to 830am- Breakfast.

845am to 10am- Roomtime. This is the time, if you haven’t eaten breakfast to continue to sleep in till around 945am. I usually sleep till 9am and then get up and take a morning shower. I also make my bed and do day planning.

10am to 12pm- free time. Usually by this time I have left out the door and hang out in Hollywood either at a coffee shop or somewhere nearby. I have walked down the walk of fame and visited the Pantages Theater.  Sometimes I also hook up if I am desiring company.

12pm to 1230pm- Lunch. I don’t usually attend lunch on the weekends. I am usually still out and about away from the facility.

1230pm to 445pm- Free time. The facility usually closes its doors by this time but I am always out and about to miss it.

5pm to530pm-Dinner. Dinner is its usual thing.

530pm to 845pm- free time. They open the bedrooms at 6pm and close them by 7pm. But I usually hang out in the multi-purpose room (they call it MPR) and watch TV and/or browse Facebook on my phone.

845pm to 915pm- Night Meeting. This only takes place on Sunday Nights. Usually on saturday nights they just chill.

915pm to 930pm-Chore time.

930pm-Bedtime.

 

So yeah, that’s how my life has been run the past 30 days here in Covenant House. You’d think that with all this schedule that there would be no room for drama or guys. WRONG! There has been a lot that has happened in those small moments of free time and those weekends. For one, I have been discovering Hollywood more and more and falling in love with it. I have not seen any big celebrities yet, but have been flirted on by Ben Patrick Johnson once. If you don’t know who he is, look it up. Boy! That was my moment of fame there. I felt honored he was flirting with me and his body tho! It was amazing and I couldn’t believe he was flirting with me. That’s why I love West Hollywood now (or WeHo). I go there as much as I can just hoping I would be able to see Ben again. I also go to WeHo too because it’s Gay Town and full of gay men. Infact, there is even a Starbucks I love to go to because there are tons of hot men who walk in and out of there.

Relationship wise, you could say I have been naughty. I slept with a couple dudes here and there, but there were two particular men that were close to being my boyfriend. The first one was Nathan George. He seemed  quite nice. 32 year old white male and gorgeous. At first I was hesitant to meet him because he had told me before that he had herpes, but that we could still have sex when his sores were healed up. So we waited for a couple of weeks and then met in person at WeHo. He seemed pretty nice and was a good singer who was in a band called “The Remedy”. He sang to me and I fell for him hard.

Unfortunately, he wanted sex and took me to Melrose Spa. Oh, we had good sex and we made out and cuddled. It was nice, but the place was not. That very day in the spa, four guys were all over me sucking my dick. I didn’t like that.  So we separated that day and I went home. That very night Nate texted me and said he felt bad and that he didn’t want to do it again. I agreed and told him I didn’t like sex in public sex houses. Well things were fine and then two days later he texted me again. He said he didn’t want me because I was too emotional and that he couldn’t handle me. I was like what the hell and just cried myself to sleep that night. I wished that I wasn’t so emotional and messed up mentally. I wished I had a normal brain and wished that for once that I could just kill myself. I almost did that night. I talked to my lesbian girl friend, Kendra White and she helped me through it. I hope Nathan George finds all the love he wants in another guy. For all I am concerned, he had sex with me and had his share of meat. I hope he’s happy.

Then there was Kyle McMenamin. Gosh, Kyle was different from all lovers I have had. It lasted less than a week, but this time it was my own mistake that tore us apart. Kyle was 29 and homeless. White male and six feet tall.  Good motives and wonderful character. Him and I met on Craigslist and went on a couple of dates. By the third date, I asked him how he felt about me and he said he didn’t want to be boyfriends. Well, I assumed he didn’t want me so I slept with another guy. Well, I told Kyle and he just got upset at me and then it fell apart. He didn’t speak to me for a whole day and then he texted me saying he only wanted to be friends and I haven’t heard from him since then. So he gave up on me just like that. This was just recent (yesterday).

I think I am giving up on love now. All these men want something for me to change and I can never seem to live up to their expectations. I can’t change who I am just to satisfy someone. I am emotional. I am lovesick. I am longing just to be loved. I just want someone to cry with and be reassured I am loved. I guess it’s too much. Sorry, but when you have a traumatic childhood and bad adolescent years you’re bound to be emotional and clingy. Guess I’ll have to live with it.

Anyways, yeah. I am taking a break from love for a while to let the scars on my heart to heal. Guess what!? I experienced my first earthquake! Yes, it was on the 14th of March. A 4.7 magnitude scale earthquake and guess what!? I slept through it! The only way I knew about it was when my room mate woke me up screaming and hiding uder the little desk we have in our bedroom. I just woke up and saw him screaming and yelled “Dude, Calm your tits! It’s just the earth moving” and fell back to sleep. Wow! Just wow! I slept through it! How amazing.

So anyways, I have to go and finish some things up, but I will write later.

*YAY FOR 40 DAYS IN HOLLYWOOD! AND MY 50TH POST ON THIS BLOG!!!!!!*** Congrats!

 

-Jonathan S Fisher

*Follow me on Facebook, where you will get daily updates on my life! Thanks!! :0

-Jonathan

971189_539943262784902_1224073514_n A picture of Kyle and I

8120_160864849720_821718_n A Picture of Nathan George (or Nate)

 

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