So I broke up with James. I know that it’s shocking, but yes we broke up and decided to remain friends. What happened? Long story. I’ll make it as simple as ever. James and I kept getting into stupid fights about petty stuff. Then one night he said people were talking about us in the community and that his friend confirmed it on Facebook. So I didn’t believe him and went and checked his phone and saw his friend was actually the one talking stuff about ME! His friend was saying I was a piece of shit basically and that he didn’t think James and I should be together. This made me angry. James lied to me and this wasn’t the first time he lied to me. Not only that but I also found that James was talking to this 19 year old about bringing him into the house and having sex with him. I got mad and decided I had enough of it all. I told James he wasn’t my Prince Charming and that we were over and that’s how it ended. James was nice and said I could stay at the house as long as I still contributed to the food expenses and tried to pay the bills when I had money. So him and I ended up being friends and that was 8 months of being in a relationship.
Now that I am single I feel much more free. I feel energetic and ready to conquer the world. I feel more motivated to fix myself and and my life. I am actually trying to pursue going to Job Corps program for Culinary Arts. I really want to fix my life and get a career in whatever and be able to pay my own bills and own my own apartment. I decided that when James and I broke up that I am tired of living the life I am living and that it was time for a change. So with that I am taking one day at a time to change my life. If Job Corps doesn’t work then I plan on going to Broward College part time for Culinary Arts or Childcare and work a part time job as well. This is going to be the hardest struggle of my life. Yes, I know at times I may want to quit but I will have to fight. I am scared. I’m frightened because I may face homelessness and danger. I may face the hardest trials yet but in the long run I will have successfully made my career and defined my life. So let’s hope this works.
I’m going to be honest too. I am desiring a new love story. I think about it everyday. There is a new man out there looking for me and I am searching for him too. I really thought about the list of things I want this boyfriend to be like and here it is:
10 Basic Things I desire in a man: The official list
1. Honesty above all. I mean, I don’t need no man lying to me and telling me s**t. I need a man who’s honest and not afraid to be blunt and up-front.
2. Unconditional love. Love that’s deep. Love I feel is love. No hurt or pain involved and if mistakes are made they are easy to forgive. Love that lasts and feels like a fairy tale.
3. Steady job and Income. I’m not a gold digger but I really appreciate it when my man has money and knows how to budget and handle his money right. It’s a maturity thing I guess.
4. Sex. Sex everyday if possible. I mean: c’mon I’m horny all the time and I’d love a man who I can have sex with anytime (when possible). I really would like it if he was a dominant versatile top so I can bottom 60% of the time and top whenever I feel like it. I want the kissing and holding to be passionate and wonderful. I want a man who I burn for. I also want him to be open to trying kinky things like leather and bondage and sex toys. I want a good fuck all the time.
5. Appreciation and encouragement. I want a man who appreciates my existence and my talents and pushes me a step further in pursuing my dreams. I mean take me to any classes or anything needed to pursue my dreams. A man who likes it when i cook or bake and appreciates it and A man who likes to hear me sing (because we all know i sing). Also a man who appreciates my music
6. Adventurous. I want a man who knows how to be adventurous and isn’t afraid to go to places. Like to a museum or even out of state if finances permit. Or would love to go on a scary roller coaster or simply to a new club together.
7. Energy and excitement outside of the bedroom. This is a big one. I want a man who loves to be excited to go out in public and be fun. I love to be loud and affectionate in public. I love to make a scene sometimes. I want a man who wouldn’t mind that and would love to be freaky and exciting outside the house.
8. Physically attractive. Okay, so no man is never gonna meet the “Exact criteria” of this part but it’s worth writing about my type. Age doesn’t matter as long as he meets the above criteria. I like young and I like older. I won’t deny that most of my dating life has been older men because most young men fail to meet the criteria and only want sex (NO offense! Prove me wrong). As far as body form goes I really like a thick man. Whether he’s muscular or chubby or just all a little husky it doesn’t matter. I’m not really into skinny because there’s no substance there. I love it when a “beefy” guy has a beautiful ass and wonderful arms with a little belly. Most of all I DO NOT appreciate small packages. Sorry if I sound like A size queen but he’s got have at least seven inches and I have to be able to want it. Most importantly and lastly but not least, He’s gotta be hairy! I don’t like hairless and smooth. It just doesn’t suit me.
9. A man who can accept my emotional problems and help me get away from them and focus on being happy. I’d love my man to make me feel secure and happy with him and when I get emotional he understand knows when to back off and when to give me the attention I need. I’d love for him to watch my back too.
10. Lastly but not least I want us to be happy with each other and not to even consider being open. I want our fire to burn so much we get married and live happily ever after! I want us to be happy with each other and want us to be together forever till we die.
So is this too much to ask!? I don’t think so! What do you think? I may never find this man. I may die trying but I am not concerned about it so much as I am concerned about fixing my life. I may never find that man because the gay community is in a sad state right now. I am hoping for a young love story as in someone younger. I may never find it but it’s worth trying.
Anyways, I will write more later. Here’s to another day of fixing my life and looking for the real Prince Charming ❤ !