Jonathan S Fisher's Life Adventures

Posts tagged ‘Grand Rapids Michigan’

New Life So Far

I swear I opened this diary to type something. My mind is so blank right now I am just staring at the screen just going through my mind of ideas. I could write about a lot! A lot? What’s that…?  Could write about my life or music.  Could totally start writing that book I wanted to write so bad. I am wasting a paragraph trying to figure out what to write. Do I even make sense anymore? Do people even read my stuff anymore? Am I relevant? It’s all racing through my mind tonight. I guess I am going into a manic episode and I know I need to go to bed too but I can’t.  This always happens when I go through a manic. I do hate having bipolar depression. It’s horrible

Ok, Let’s just be real. I came here to write about my life. There’s so much I can write about and so much I have to cover. I’ll start with Miami, but let me say I am writing this at 1am in the morning. I know, totally irrelevant but whatever. So, James and I BROKE APART and for a month there he was going to work and I was playing with other dudes on the side and trying to seek another boyfriend. It wasn’t working out and James and I were fighting a lot and getting into arguments. There was an incident one time when he was in the house and I was angry at him and we were arguing. I wanted to get out of the house and this guy was messaging me on Grindr asking me to come to his place. I was so angry that I agreed to go to his place and he came and picked me up.  He was so nice at first calling me baby and such but when we got to his house he immediately got dominating and forcefully took my clothes off and told me to bend over. I was scared and said no, but he kept pushing me against the bed. Yeah, he raped me and I cried and I had to call James to pick me up. James just laughed and said I’d get over it but that he was glad I didn’t get killed.  I can’t believe I got raped. It hurt and that day changed me so much!

James and I relationship went ever more further down that day and we started fighting nonstop and I raised my voice a lot and him and I just weren’t working out at all. So one day when he was working (He had a stay at home job at the time) him and I were in a heated argument about where I was going to sleep permanently (at the time I was still sleeping on the couch on and off and sometimes I’d sleep with him) and I suggested to him that if he was so sick of me being there than to send me back to Los Angeles. I don’t know how or why but he Agreed and bought me a Virgin America plane ticket back to Los Angeles!! That very day of departure I started to think about everything! I was making a HUGE decision and I was taking all the bravery and guts to be homeless in Los Angeles again. I cried a small tear of regret as my plane was taking off and I knew I was going to return to Fort Lauderdale one day, perhaps. I also felt a sense of love from that last hug that James Thompson gave me. I did have second thoughts as the plane was taking off, but I chose to move on. This was a dead horse not to be beaten at anymore! So with that I moved to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles was fun!! Being there the second time I changed things up a little and got a job within 4 weeks of being there at Target working as a cashier and I also started going to music lessons here and then and gained a little more confidence of being me. I do need to tell you that it wasn’t easy at first!! Within the first week I was literally sleeping on the street in bush. I was cold and lonely. I felt horrible and I was also starving as well, but I was determined not to let that get me down!! I reached out to my friends I knew before and asked them advice and I also went to Covenant House California every day to see if I could get into the shelter. After A week, my friends J.R. Wright and David R Persley let me stay at their apartment for a bit sleeping on their couch and they were making sure that Covenant House California was doing their job of letting me get into the program and within 3 days I was in the shelter safe and sound! It was cool being in the shelter. They changed the rules and my curfew was 7pm to start (which wasn’t bad) and the food was better too! My caseworker was awesome too and worked so well with me!

I’ve got to say that being in Los Angeles the second time was a thrill. Even as I write this, I am considering the option of going back a year from now if all my plans work out (I will explain later). I had fun walking the walk of fame once again and meeting new people. I relished in the glory of visiting the bath houses there (in other words I was a slut) and I treated myself to food and a lot of commodities. I lived the life of luxury while I could. I went to the beach a lot and I did date a few guys here and there but none of them stayed. One of the guys I remember really broke my heart. His name was Prince and he was handsome. He was actually A Black dude I really thought I was going to be with but I don’t know why but he left me when I told him my life story.  Other than that, not much really happened in Los Angeles. I did celebrate my 21st birthday! It was stupid because all I did was go to the gay bar in west Hollywood (The Revolver) and drink one shot which cost me $5. Other than that I had a horrible 21st birthday and I cried that day. Oh and I also did once go to the Bear Bar one Thursday night (The Fault line) and I met Ben Zook and the main cast members of “Where The Bears Are” (A gay show). I was happy but they didn’t really speak to me a lot. I Honestly think Ben Zook was attracted to me because he kept following me and kept looking at me. I left the bar that night crying though because no one would speak to me and I felt like I wasted a lot of money.

Other than that, I think the rest of my life in Los Angeles for the three months I was there was about legit and lame.  I spent like half my time working at Target West Hollywood as a cashier and a lot of time at either Melrose Spa or Midtown Spa because I knew I would never find a guy to be with. I wanted to pursue acting and singing but with work getting in the way all the time I just kind of gave up on that and put it to a rest. I did sign up for the Voice auditions there but my vocal teacher said I wasn’t ready (And now looking at myself I can freely and with no regret say That I WAS NOT ready!) so I didn’t go. Oh and I also got to speak to Adam Lambert too on kik but that faded away and he stopped texting me (legit tho!! I didn’t think it was real either till he sent me photos and a video! I freaked out at first but I did speak to him for about three weeks straight!). I also purchased the New Samsung Galaxy Note 4 august 21st and have had it since then. Awesome phone and the best one I have ever had!

Working at West Hollywood Target was a fun experience and probably the best job I’ve held since my career life began! My bosses were easy to work with and they gave me legit hours. The coworkers were awesome as well and I even might add I had a coworker flirting with me and I was blind to see it! I made a few friends while working there and got their snapchats. We chat every now and I am friends with three of them on Facebook. My boss said she was sad to see me leave but that if I ever came back to Los Angeles that she’d hire me back in definitely! It was awesome working there! You won’t believe this but I even rung up Gwen Stefani one day and didn’t realize it till my coworker told me who it was! Everyone was staring at me when it happened and I was like ok whatever and when I finished the transaction she just smiled and left! Now, at this moment I didn’t know who Gwen Stefani was but when I went on lunch my coworker was like dude you totally served Gwen Stefani today and didn’t know who she was! I looked her up and sure as hell I died in shock. Not really but it surprised me! So there you have it. Oh and another celebrity I saw was Leslie Jordan himself in West Hollywood!! He was sitting at the West Hollywood Starbucks just drinking coffee and reading the news! I didn’t get pics of it but it was awesome!

So yeah, working at Target was awesome but I was making minimum wage there and I couldn’t find any places to live. The homeless shelter wasn’t letting me advance to their next level program and I technically was falling behind a lot. I became dissatisfied with my life and wanted to move on. I felt like I needed to move. My friends from Michigan were begging me to come back so I chose to go back! So with that I bought a plan ticket to Michigan and moved back to Grand Rapids Michigan September 19 2015! I had no regrets leaving Los Angeles. Was glad I was getting away from Los Angeles and the expensive lifestyle I had there. The only thing I regretted was leaving Target! It was so fun working there and my boss even cried when I said goodbye! I will miss Target and maybe just maybe move back there in year.

So when I moved back to Michigan I actually got back on my feet quite quickly! I stayed at my friend’s House (Karleem’s house) for a month and acquired a fulltime job working at Meijer store as a Cashier. I started at minimum wage ($8.00 An hour but when 2016 came in it was raised to $8.50) but they gave me up to 40 hours and that was enough. I acquired the job around October 7th and by the time three weeks had passed I was ready to get a place of my own as Karleem and his girl were being threatened to be evicted out because they didn’t pay their rent for 2 months. I also had the desire to move because Karleem and his girl were always fighting and putting my religion down. Their house was smelly too and I just wasn’t getting along with Karleem at all. So I started looking for rooms for rent in Grand Rapids. I checked craigslist and apartments.com and many other places. Within 2 weeks I found one and the guy was only asking $250 a month which included all utilities and water and free Wi-Fi and a washer and dryer in the basement! At the time of move in he was only asking $125 because it was the 15th so I took it! I had found an awesome deal and I am glad I did! I am still residing in the same place 4 months later! I have had no problems with my room mates and no problems with the house! In fact, Me and my roommate (I have two…one is the landlord and is gay. The other is str8 but funny) actually hit it off the first night quite well because he took me to a bar and brought me a beer and was laughing and got to know me. I liked him!! He was awesome and is my best friend at the moment!

Shortly after moving into my new place, Karleem and I got into a fight and it didn’t end so well. He threatened to take my life so I got a PPO filed against him and we no longer speak. Also another crazy thing is that all the friends that were begging me to come back to Michigan all weren’t even speaking to me at all! I attended Calvary Church once again and they didn’t seem to care as much as they did two years ago. I did feel a change and then I slowly started to slip into a deep depression realizing I lost all my friends I had before and they didn’t care for me much anymore. Then Adam Anderson stepped into my life. He just approached me at Calvary Church and was like hey bro let’s hang out. He was very nice in the beginning and he seemed like a perfectly good gentleman. He was giving me rides and told me to call him anytime I needed anything. He seemed so nice and friendly.  Then I told him I was Gay. That’s when things started to slide and that’s when I Started realizing he had a problem with me being gay. At the time, I felt so thankful to God for getting me so far in life that I went to Mason Sherrill and Adam Anderson and told them I wanted to get baptized. They shot me down! They said I had to change my lifestyle and the ways I act in order to be baptized.

This enraged me and that’s when I started questioning my faith and values. I started to drink and slipped into a deep depression. I was literally drinking a lot and one night I drank so much that I wanted to commit suicide! I cried out in despair and anguish to God to save me because I started drinking more and then I blacked out. I woke up the next day with a slight headache and realizing that religion was dragging me down. I kind of stuffed it thought and continued to go to Calvary Church denying the fact that every time I left there I’d feel depressed and suicidal and rejected.

So the holidays came and Meijer decided to make me start working 60 hour weeks (12 hour shifts…5 days a week) and I became even more exhausted. It got worse, my feeling of loneliness and rejection and Adam kept pressing on me that I needed to change. Thanksgiving came and I had dinner at Adam’s place. We talked and laughed but when I got home I cried and started drinking. Then I just fell asleep and pushed it away. Christmas came. I bought my friends Tiffany Love and Alexandra Blair and I also gave my two roommates Christmas gifts as well. The sad thing is that I never got anything in return but that was alright with me. Christmas 2015 was about giving back to the people who made a difference in my life that year! I was happy for a while there giving those gifts. And then another surprise and blessing happened!! The day before Christmas eve My youngest sister hit me up on Instagram and commented on my blog saying she missed me and Merry Christmas! I cried and I was excited!! I then told everyone around me I was happy and that it brought hope and peace back into my life! I was so happy and then Adam Anderson stepped in. He invited me to Christmas dinner with him and his family so I went and I kind of knew it wasn’t going to turn out so well.

Adam Anderson picked me up that night from work and we started talking about my day and all. Then I told him how I was on top of the world because my sister was speaking to me. Then he literally went there. He started attacking me about how it was wrong for me to be talking to my sister because it was against my parent’s approval and that’s against the Bible. He also said my parents had the full right to throw me out and that they will let me speak to my sister when they wanted.  I then started slipping down and I yelled at him and said I am done with this bullshit God stuff and I started crying and all but I brushed it off and had dinner with them. The dinner was lovely. We ate some squash soup with beef and salad. Then afterwards they gave me my gifts (a shirt, two hoodies and two pairs of pants) and Adam said he needed to take me home. We got into the car and as we were driving back to my place Adam kept reiterating that I shouldn’t be talking to my little sister and how being Homosexual was against the bible. Yeah, once I got home I felt empty and like a failure and got out my bottle of rum and drank until I passed out. I woke up the next morning feeling crappy but I got through the day crying and asking God why.  Afterwards I went to work the next day and stuffed my emotions. I forget how long I stuffed them for but one night I got so drunk that I cried out to God and I was throwing up because all the stuffed emotions were coming out. I felt lost and rejected and sad. Well, let’s just say I called Adam that night and I cried so much and he put me to sleep saying I’d be ok and to call him when I was sober.

I Woke up the next morning crying in pain. I decided to call out of work. I mean, I was still feeling crappy and suicidal. I felt lost, lonely, and worse. I wondered why I was still alive. I drank practically the whole bottle of Rum. I should’ve been dead. God, I cried out so much that day and then as the day began to progress I reached out to my Facebook friends and they all told me what the hell was my problem. It was Adam and Calvary Church. They were leading me to suicide. They were making me feel worthless. So with that I called Adam up and told him I was done. I no longer could handle the negativity and that I almost lost my life twice because of him and Calvary Church. He tried to convince me to stay but I put my foot down. I said I know that God loves me unconditionally and He don’t care that I am gay! I also concluded that I DO NOT believe the Bible is 100% true and accurate and that some homophobes put their bigoted views in it. Also told him that I don’t think God minded me speaking to my sister and that I would continue to do so because it’s the only thing that made me feel like I belonged and was loved. Ya know, he did say I was messed up and everything but that was the last time I ever went to Calvary Church and I feel FREE!!! I have never felt so much better in my whole life letting go of all the negativity in my life.

So I continued to work at Meijer and New Year’s came. My sister was little quiet for a little bit but we started talking again around New Years and she began to tell me so much more about her. She’s the town model and loves to play softball. She also told me a bit more about what’s been going on in the family. Christopher got a girl pregnant and had a baby boy. Britany got married to some fat balding guy named David and they live in a house together (she’s not pregnant yet but I do expect to hear that this year!). Bradley is still in a mental hospital and is doing fine there (figures!). Lorenzo got engaged to a white girl and got her pregnant. Craig is in Sophomore year in high school and is involved in sports. That’s all cool. Mom apparently doesn’t go to church anymore and doesn’t believe in SDA No more (That was a shocker but apparently she still hates gays!). Apparently also Tiffany swears up and down like a sailor and mom doesn’t care. They all have changed. I did reach out to my dad to see if I could come home for a visit. He told me to kill myself! Yes, I cried and almost did commit suicide when he said that but then I remembered my life is far more precious than what my parents say about it and that my sister is looking up to me. I have a purpose on this earth and it hasn’t been fulfilled yet!

So yeah, I started the New Year 2016 with no goals but working at Meijer still and performing karaoke. As the end of January came to an end I decided I wanted a better body so I have started working out and trying to lose weight. It’s a hard process though but in a year from now hopefully I will be 145lbs instead of my 215 I weigh right now. I started working out and I also have gotten into writing lyrics. Me and my sister still talk on and off.  I am still staying at the same place and rent hasn’t been a problem to pay! I am doing so well.

You know I have had some different experiences as well. Just about three weeks ago I went to see Breaking Benjamin and Starset Live at the Orbit Room. It was awesome seeing Starset Perform live and I got VIP!! I was front stage and got a photo with the band members! I bought their cd as well and got their autographs!! It was great. Breaking Benjamin was boring and disappointing. Made me feel worthless and cry all the way home. I don’t think I will be seeing Breaking Benjamin Live ever again! It was depressing and pointless. However, on the other side of that I also found out that Celtic Woman is doing a show in June at DeVos Hall!! I am excited and am definitely going to see it!! I am buying the tickets in April and Hopefully I will be able to get VIP meet and Greet with that as well!! It should be fun!!

So just one last thing and then I will be finished with this post (I know…I can hear the sighs of relief…LOL). I had an experience the other day that made me appreciate being alive once more. It also made me realize I DO have a purpose to be living and that God WANTS me alive! So anyways, just the other day (on the 17th) I was lying in bed and taking a selfie when I heard this loud BOOM! It shocked me and I got up thinking that maybe my candles busted (As I do have two candles I burn every night in my bedroom and just that day I left them burning all day because I spent all day in my room). I checked those and they seemed still intact. So then I thought well maybe my roommate dropped something So I went outside and asked him what happened and he was like nothing. So then I looked around and sure as hell I noticed a hole in my wall and my door and as I looked into the kitchen I saw a hole in my room mate’s door as well! It took me a minute to realize it but then I realized they were bullet holes!! So then I searched for the bullet and found it laying there right on the floor! This scared me and I started hyperventilating and going into shock! I started freaking out that someone was after me and wanted to take my life! My roommate (being the awesome guy he is) sat me down in the bedroom and told me to calm down. He called the cops and they came to investigate the scene. I couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had been in the direction of that bullet! My life would’ve ended and I would’ve died alone and sad. I promised myself that I would make my life better after that and live like every day is my last! I am so glad it didn’t hit me and missed me and my roommate by 5 inches! The police did an investigation and found out there were two shots fired! The other one barely missed the window by which I lay and if it had gone up it would’ve killed me or hurt me. My guardian angel was watching after me and made that bullet hit the concrete!! I am so thankful to be alive and I PROMISE to make life more precious from this point on! That was a scary experience but I am glad no one was hurt. Police can’t identify the suspect but they do believe it was linked to the robbery that happened down the street from us! Like I said before, I am glad I lived!!

Well, I have decided that in a year I am going to move back to los angeles or Miami!! I am saving my money (doing the 52 week challenge money thing) and studying to get my driver’s license so that next year at this time I can just drive to either Miami or Los Angeles and make a life there! I hope it works out! It should!  Anways, it’s time for bed!! It’s almost 4am here. And I need to wake up at 6:30am to catch the bus to work. oh and by the way, I have been single for 6 months now. 🙂 Single is fun! Goodnight!! And thanks for reading and your support!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

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That was my picture with Starset!!

 

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Life in California…..so far

Hey Readers,

So I’ve been in Los Angeles, California for 3 weeks and 5 days. A lot has happened. I know I gave a short brief description on why I was moving and it seemed like a pretty short post. Sorry about that, but you have to understand I was on the bus at the time and I couldn’t concentrate worth squat! Even as I write this post, I may not finish it completely because I only have so much time. So I will do my best.  I love my readers and my followers and thankyou for bearing with me.

So yeah, I took the bus from Grand Rapids, Michigan to Los Angeles, California. It was a 2 day and six-hour trip. I rode the Greyhound bus and we stopped many stops including Chicago, Phoenix, Santa Fe (New Mexico), and many others. I think the best stop was at Oklahoma City because that was when I got out of the bus to stretch and realized I could take my winter jacket off because it was warm weather there (lol……Fuck Michigan weather). It was a fun trip and I did a lot of sleeping and personal reflection. I couldn’t believe I had moved and that I was actually throwing myself to the lions. I felt brave and like I had a major change that was needed in my life. I was pursuing my dreams and I was letting go of everything and leaving my past behind and moving miles away where I would possibly be  alone for weeks at a time.

So I showed up at the bus station Sunday afternoon, 330pm. I was scared and didn’t know where to go. A guy named Andy was supposed to pick me up and  show me around and then take me to a homeless shelter nearby. He didn’t and I was stuck at Greyhound for about two hours just crying and scared. I had no clue where to go and I was frightened. I knew I was in the middle of downtown and close to Skid Row (Which is 100% unsafe and sick). So, after 2 hours I headed over to the McDonald’s just nearby to use the wi-fi there. I sat there for an hour hitting up the gay men there desperately asking for a ride to the nearest shelter and to be shown around. I got no replies. Then I got this strange text. It read “Hey dude, it’s me, Angel. I am out downtown and was wondering if you needed any help? Let me know”. I done freaked out and told this strange guy named “Angel” everything. He told me to sit tight and that he’d be there in 15 minutes.

30 minutes passed and I was worried he had forgotten. I was highly uncomfortable at this time to leave because by then it was 7pm and the sun had set and it was dark out. I saw the homeless man standing outside begging for money and when he saw that I had $20 he asked me for it and I told him no (Wasn’t it enough I looked homeless myself because I had so many bags next to me!? Obviously not. Or he seriously was mentally challenged). Once I told him no he kept walking back and forth around the building. I couldn’t help but think that he would jump me the minute I left the building. So I stay put still petrified. Well, 45 minutes late, Angel showed up with a woman by his side (which I learned later on was Erika) and asked if I was Jonathan. I said yes and he asked how long I had been sitting there for. I told him 3 hours and he asked me where I was from. I then told him my story and he told me to get my stuff and to hop in the car with him.

We rode all the way to his friend’s house. She seemed nice and I thought they were a couple. As soon as we got to their house, Angel explained to me he was gay and that the girl was his best friend, Erica. He then proceeded to tell me he had some errands to run, but that he would be right back to show me around town. I was ok with it because Erica seemed nice and I was also introduced to Brooke, who was her room-mate. So as Angel went to run his errands I talked to Erica. I found out that she herself was Andrew Christian’s Photographer and a professional photographer. As Brooke was a professional wedding planner. I loved these girls. They seemed really chill and they listened to my story and felt Very optimistic for me.

Angel returned and we then proceeded to take a tour of “Korea Town” near downtown Los Angeles. Angel told me probably the best place I could crash at for that night was at the library (The Filipe Denave Branch…or something like that) and also showed me where to get a month bus pass. We all stopped at a sushi shop for dinner and talked a little more and then we returned to the house. Erica decided to put on “The Little Mermaid” and we watched that half way through.  Then I decided it was time for me to leave. So Angel and I took a few of my bags  and he walked  me to the library. He wanted to have sex with me because he gave me that look and asked if there was anything else he could do for me. I wasn’t thinking on the same term and just said no.

So there I had it! I slept on the sidewalk at the library that night and that was the way it was for the next 7 days for me. I didn’t mind it at all because I was free to do whatever I wanted for that day and I could leave my sleeping bag  at the same place and it wouldn’t disappear. I discovered West Hollywood within the next three days. I also Visited Santa Monica Pier/Beach and I also took my first subway train. I was having fun!! I also was very enthusiastic when I discovered West Hollywood (Or WeHo) and the Lesbian And Gay Youth Center on Highland. I knew that this was where I belonged because I could once more feel comfortable cross dressing and being feminine if I wanted.  I’ve got to say I loved my first week in Hollywood because I discovered a lot and I also became quite confident that this is where I belong.

Then week two rolled along. My life quickly changed. I was hanging out in WeHo on Sunday afternoon and put an ad on Craigslist looking for sex because I was horny. Well, this guy by the name of Dan emailed me back and asked if I could host. I told him no. I think he got suspicious so he started asking where I was staying at. I first lied to him saying I had an apartment downtown, but then I ended up telling the real truth. He freaked out and told me he had help coming to get me. I was like ok. Next thing you know A place called “Covenant House California” came up and picked me up. They asked me questions and gave me dinner. Then they gave me a bed for the night and told me to see Outreach in the morning to get a permanent bed in the program for 90 days.

The next day I saw outreach and did a bunch of paperwork. They had to call my mom and confirm I wasn’t welcome back home in Pennsylvania.  We had to wait three hours. My mom called back and in an angry voice said I wasn’t welcome back. Supposively she also gave the reasons why, which we all know.  I was a little emotionally upset over this the next few days, but got over it.  So we did the paperwork and got me into a bed for 90 days.

So that’s where I have been the past two weeks. Been living in this homeless shelter just chilling, looking for jobs, and other things. I’ve made a couple of lesbian friends. And I may not like it here, but at least i get to take two showers, do my laundry (free), and eat 3 meals a day. Plus, I have a case manager that meets me everyday and we discuss my career options and what to do that day. Plus I have free access to health services.

Well, got to go but will write later. Bye.

-Jonathan  S Fisher

 

weho time

 

 

Los Angeles, California Here We come!

It’s funny how things can change in an instant, and that’s what happened with me. Ok, so Obviously by the title you can already tell I am moving to Los Angeles, California. Yes, I am and how did this come to be? Well, let’s start at the beginning. So, as I mentioned in the previous post I was and still am failing in classes. I tried really hard and I even got a tutor, Jonathan Jackson. I was still three weeks behind and I know I missed at least a week of class because I was sick. So, with that I had decided enough was enough and planned on dropping out. I know I am on financial aid and that I will have to pay back $10 Grand, but even then if I continued to attend class I would’ve recieved a grade of E and had my financial aid suspended. So, with that I was gonna have to drop out either way.

It’s not only about the financial aid issue,  it was also some deep thinking I did and what a methhead told me. So, there was this one night when I met this guy, Damon P. Rodriguez, who needed a place to stay for the night. So I met him and talked to him for a couple of hours to make sure he was safe. Then I offered for him to crash at my place for the night because he seemed really nice and chill (the only downfalls: He was a methhead and he was HIV Poz….which didn’t bother me. I told him just to not do the drugs in the house and if we did have sex it’d have to be with two condoms). So he stayed at my house overnight and we were actually up 2am talking about my life.  When I had got home with him, my landlord (Norman Bouma) was yelling at me saying I needed to get out and couldn’t have company over any longer. Him and I were yelling at each other because I was like I get 30 days to leave and he was like I want you out tonight. So Damon stepped in and told him I had 30 days and to leave me alone.

I went to my bedroom and was crying. I was “whining” as Damon put it. He said that I had a pretty messed up life and that I was headed in the wrong direction. I asked him what he meant and he said if I wanted to be a PopStar/MovieActor/Model that going to school was not going to help. Yes, I would learn stuff but in the end I wouldn’t need it. He also said I should consider moving to Hollywood and auditioning there because I’d have more luck there than in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So with that, I started the process of thinking about my options I had. I stayed up for 4 nights in a row packing my bags trying to figure out what to do. I questioned myself: Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to move all the way out to the west? Do I really want to move so far away that there may be a chance that I won’t ever see my family again? Do I really want to face the possibly of paying $10K  and possibly end up in jail if I don’t pay it back? I ask these few question plus many more and thought about it real hard. I was exhausted that whole week because it was all I could think of and I was stressed. Either way, I was gonna be homeless and living on the street in 30 days. I had a decision to make.

So with that, I chose to take a shot at Los Angeles, California. I had weighed all my options and came to the conclusion I was going to Los Angeles. My landlord, got extremely mad but then he saw it as a way to get out of pressing charges on me and paid for the ticket. So with that, I went. And Now I am writing this as I am on my way to California. I am scared and I am happy at the same time. I know this could be great or not. But I am taking my chances. So, Hollywood California here we come!

 

New Year 2014

Hey all,

Sorry it takes me so long to get back to you all. I guess I just haven’t found the time and motivation to write. For one I’ve been so busy with school and immersed in dealing with drama. Yeah, a lot has happened in my life lately including taking on a new year.  It’s been crazy good and crazy bad. So where do I start?

Ok, we will start at New Years. I don’t remember if I covered Christmas, but basically Christmas was ok and I got a few gifts and one of my friends (Who I haven’t seen since then) took me shopping.  H e bought me a lot of stuff from Five Below (which is my favorite new store) and 7 brand new music cds (Including Britney Spear’s “Britney Jean”. He also took me out to dinner at Texas Steakhouse. I also received a bunch of gift cards to different  stores around Grand Rapids. So I was busy the three days after Christmas Day shopping and enjoying my gifts while they lasted. I also spent it at a strange family’s house and it made me feel uncomfortable because I didn’t even know the people. So, Christmas was good while it lasted and I liked it. Then New Years happened.

No, I didn’t have a great New Years Celebration. all I did was spend it alone moping in tears and pain watching the ball drop. I felt so alone and knew my family was probably enjoying it themselves together. I cried because it hurt so bad to sit there and remember all the good times I had with my family and to think that they weren’t even giving a freak about me.  I cried myself to sleep that night just hoping that maybe this new year would get better and that I’d see my fam sometime soon. In reality, even as I write this at the End of January, I know it is not gonna happen this year. It may never happen.   It hurts so bad to know I lost the love of my life and it was all because of my mistakes and my sexuality. I can’t live with myself sometimes. My friend said I am pathetic and stupid because I won’t let go. Is this true?

Anyways, So when January 3rd came around I bought my books from the bookstore to start my new semester. I also bought a new Samsung Galaxy Tablet 3.  I was excited for the semester because I was taking five classes: Piano, Voice, Music Theory, Choir, and  Applied Performance. So that very next week I went back to school and started the new semester of Winter 2014. I started out so well. Well, come week two I started failing in music theory and then I was failing in Piano Class too because Professor Kenneth Bos was progressing too fast (So was Professor Morris too) So I got behind a week and I still am. Will I ever finish the course on time? Possibly. Most likely not tho because right now I am two weeks behind and got  30% on my test on quiz 1. So I am not doing very well there. Piano class is the same. I am still stuck on Page 8 trying to catch the rhythm and the beat. I possibly was put in the wrong classes.

I want to quit school but at the same time I love singing so much and I want to try harder. I want  to learn my voice and how to write music, but perhaps personal instruction is better of an option for me. With my classes I am in right now it’s all group instruction. I do better with 1on1 instruction. How sad that the college does not offer this. They do offer individual piano lessons but it has to be for majoring in Piano. I’ll never understand colleges these days. Kevin Dobreff, the music Director, knew I had no previous experience in music and that I was completely clueless. Why did he put me in these classes? Do you think he knew I was going to struggle? I have no clue, but I think If I do go to school in the summer I will take their lowest class which is MUS99.

So with that being said, that is where I am at in college right now. I should’ve stuck to doing my GenEds out first. Alas, I’m either gonna fail this semester or something good will happen. I’ll keep trying though. For some reason, I can’t bring myself to quit. This might sound cray, but I think I’m addicted to college and studying and learning new material. I’m always open to learning new material.

Anyways, so I am still attending Calvary Church. I don’t know why though. I’m slowly breaking away from them because there are so many reasons. For one, when I got to college lunch I always sit alone unless I actually put my butt in a group. And no one really talks to me. I secretly know they hate me anyways. I feel their hatred and their minds just saying “He’s such a fag and a sinner and I can’t stand it”. Yeah, I’m gay and there’s nothing wrong with it. Oh and then Mason, the college ministries youth pastor tried to convince me I wasn’t gay and that I needed to be single. I was like excuse me I can be gay and God still loves me and doesn’t ask me to change myself. I know this for sure because I wrestled with it for weeks and I cried out to God earnestly and He didn’t ask me to change. I am also gonna leave because they continually say they will help me stay off the street and keep me from being homeless. Well, I’ve been waiting for a freaking month and still have not gotten anything. So, I’m slowly drifting away and trying to move on.

Ya know, I forgot to mention that before I went to school I had another one of those nights when I got extremely intoxicated. A guy I know from Phoenix, Arizona came down to see me and took me out to dinner. He was nice and yes he spent the night at my house and he bought me a big bottle of vodka. So I drank it a few nights after he left because I felt so lonely. OMG it was a bad idea. I got molested by a strange guy and then my landlord that night. How did this come to happen? Well, while I was intoxicated somehow I got this strange guy over and he tried to fuck me, but I refused. He forced me to inhale poppers and then that’s when I lost my complete mind. He got kicked out from my landlord because I screamed before I lost my mind. Then my landlord saw that I lost my mind and took advantage of that moment. I don’t know what he did, but he told me he sucked my d*** and that I touched his. EWWWW!! How did I find out? Well when I woke up the next morning he told me what happened and was smirking. I so wanted to kill him right then and there but I just ran to my room and cried and promised myself I would move out soon and never drink. I dumped my vodka and I have been four weeks completely sober since then!

I do want to move out though! I can’t stand my landlord anymore. He’s such  a hypocrite and a pervert. He watches gay porn like it’s entertainment. He thinks that I’m gonna have sex with him when he is 83 years old!! His name is Norman Bouma and I can’t stand him anymore. Everyday I ignore him and I get tired of him always walking around in his underwear and shitting on his clothes and expecting me to do his laundry for him. It disgusts me and I’ve lost all respect for him. I plan on pressing charges on him when I move out because he has got to be stopped! I’m not the only college kid he’s molested! And when I move out I bet he’s gonna look for another victim. AND THIS GUY IS 83! Unbelievable! Some people just don’t grow up. I can’t stand it! I lost all respect for him.

Just lastnight tho (and I know this is jumping ahead a little, but oh well) he threatened to kick me out. He said he has had enough of me treating him like crap and not talking to him. I yelled in his face lastnight that I lost respect for him and that I didn’t appreciate the fact that he molested me (I don’t even know if he may have raped me!). I told him I was tired of him thinking that some 20 year old was gonna want to be his boyfriend and love him. I told him I was disgusted by the fact that he has like 10 dildos in his bathroom drawer and that I basically know when he’s using them because my bedroom is right next to the bathroom and then I always find his damn shit in the sink or in the shower. Plus he makes the damn bathroom smell. Oh and did I mention he does poppers too!? Yeah, I told him I was disgusted and just horrified. He just smirked and told me if I wanted to get out than I could.

It makes me angry though because I DO want to move out but I am stuck here because I have no money to pay for another place and no other families will take me in. Anyways, I am stuck here, but if he does give me an eviction notice then I’ve chosen to personally fuck his life up. You see, he isn’t out to his family and his church. I will personally expose his ass and I won’t regret it. If he wants to fuck my life up and think I’m not gonna care and not do anything about it he is wrong. I will steam roll him over.  I know it’s not christian but I am done being used and stabbbed in the back. WHOEVER HURTS ME FROM THIS POINT ON WILL LIVE TO REGRET IT!!

I am done tho with these fake ass b.s. men. Like ok, there’s this guy I know, Zach Silva who is a youth pastor at some church in Granville. He is christian and preaches to the kids he works with sexual purity! WTF!? Like what a hypocrite! He slept with me and kept begging to fuck me and I was like hell no. He did try to fuck me but it was unsuccessful Thank God! Then there was this other guy I knew, Blake F.  from Grace Bible College who is 19. He said he’s be my boyfriend and then he came over and tried to fuck me but it didn’t work and the next day he blocked me from texting him or calling him! What a  backstabber and liar!! Now, I am thinking about getting back at these two young guys so they will learn their lesson but I am unsure. It angers me tho.

Anyways, I think I’ve written enough today. I will write again later. Peace!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

I’m in the front row in the choir!!! at the end of the video.

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*Still single and still looking for a real legit boyfriend!! Too much Gay Drama Tho!

Here we Are

Well, Here I am again. Sitting here at work bored. Nothing to do but stare at this screen and ring the bell when people come in through the door. I am tired actually as I had a rough night lastnight sleeping because there was so much on my mind. I’ve been going through a lot lately and have had a full plate of drama! So yeah, here it goes.

So, Thanksgiving was ok.  I spent it with the Innis Family and it was good. I ate little that day because I was nervous. They were a big white family and their house was so pretty. The kids (younger ones) hardly talked to me. But this one guy, Jay sat down at the piano and let me perform two songs solo. I loved this, as I am becoming more confident in singing and I’d love to work with a pianist to create a solo concert. Anyways, I also talked to the mom, Miss Kari Innis. I told her everything about my life and was 100% honest. I think she liked me but I’m not sure. Anyways, the turkey was smoked and I liked that. There was also stuffing, apple salad, fruit salad, gravy, dip with vegetables, and mashed potatoes. Dessert was pumpkin pie. I liked it and enjoyed it immensely, but I was nervous and kinda upset a little too.

I missed my family during Thanksgiving. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about them. I kept thinking about the last Thanksgiving I had with them. All I remember is that I was in the hospital and I was 17. My family came in to see me and we talked for a little but they left. I don’t remember what we talked about but I remember that it was a different Thanksgiving and probably the last one I would’ve spent with them before they banished me. It personally hurts. I wish they could’ve understood me. I was only looking for acceptance and independence. I was only looking for a real parents and trying to discover who I was. Even with all the stuff they required I do, I don’t feel like it was being myself. I only wanted to be myself.

With that being said, it hurts deeply. It’s like a black hole with no bottom. I wanna fill it inside but every time I try it fails and only leaves me feeling depressed and alone. It shows up on Thanksgiving and Christmastime and it leaves me slightly depressed and sometimes it does make me shut down. This year however, I decided I wasn’t going to shut down and

I kept thinking about what my family might’ve been doing themselves and when the Innis’s Grandpa went to pray I started to cry. It was so beautiful seeing a family all connected and put together through religion. To think, I had that once before my mental issues got in the way and before I came out of the closet. It’s sad and I don’t like talking about it. I never did cry at their house (I shed maybe a tear or two) but I cried that night as I watched an Lady Gaga’s Muppets Holiday Special. I realized that I spent another Thanksgiving without my family. I still ask myself: What have I done to not deserve love and welcome arms? I know I messed up 2 years ago, but for real there is no need to hold a grudge against me Mom and Dad (worse yet, my siblings). It’s not like I killed someone in the family or raped someone. I just don’t understand! I know I hurt them, but they hurt me too. I have forgiven them and moved on. Why can’t they do the same for me? I guess I will never know.

Anyways, before Thanksgiving, I had attended two feasts at my church (Calvary Church) and the campus college Ministry. They went well. Well, at least the Calvary one did. We ate dinner and then we had to pass around a candle and say what we were thankful for. I had cried and said I was thankful for the pain, heartbreak, and trouble I had been through the last year because it has made me a stronger person. It really has and I thank Jesus for helping me through this pain. Then the next day I attended the College Campus’s Dinners. I had a full Thanksgiving and it was a good one.

I cried the night of Thanksgiving and my tears were flowing as I thought about good memories I had of Thanksgivng with my family. I remember those days when my mom would be cooking mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, stuffing, turkey, and what not and I would stand there at the kitchen window watching her do it. I remember my brothers and dad had a tradition to put on a football game outside in the backyard (or at A Park nearby) and I would sometimes play, but usually just watch. I remember when I’d simply smile when we all held hands around the table and gave thanks for the food and each said what we were thankful for. Aah, the memories were so good and I wish I could go back and have those moments again. I think I will always cry on Thanksgiving Day every year until I am with my family again because it’s the special holidays that bring tears to my eyes. I will always love and cherish family.

But yeah, Thanksgiving passed and Christmas is near. I’m kind of looking forward to Christmas because I am going to throw a Party!! I am gonna invite all my friends and have a dinner with games and lastly a gift exchange! It’s gonna be fun and I am looking forward to it. I’ve already bought two gifts for it and the dinner dishes (Lasagna and Cake) plus snack food. I am excited and looking forward to it!!

So yeah, I have one last week of working with my school for this semester and then I am off for 4 weeks. It’s gonna be boring but I go back January 6 hopefully. Anyways, I gotta go and finish up work. I will catch up with y’all later 🙂

 

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

My Gay Erotic Stories: Jonny Boi

I sat there waiting for him to show up. I knew I was taking a risk of being raped or worse yet being killed but I didn’t really care. All I wanted was to have sex and please my sexual desire. I was so horny! I couldn’t stop thinking of it and my dick wouldn’t give me a break either. So I went online to instantgayhookup.com and created a personal profile.I was scared at first because I had never done online hookups before. In fact, I’ve tried to avoid it because I had heard too many stories. I heard about how this girl went on a dating website called Eveslittleangels.com and got raped the next day. Then one of my gay best friends also got raped a few weeks ago and was traumatized by it. So many thoughts crowded in my head and I didn’t know what to do.

 

So with putting all those stories aside I made an online account and took the risk. After all, You Only Live Once!I instantly got a match notification after filling in my details: 20, 5’10”, 165lbs, muscular 7.5cut, latino, and smooth. I checked it out. The man seemed nice. He had a handsome pic and totally seemed like my type with brown hair and blue eyes and 8 inches cut. A decent average body with big biceps. He didn’t specify his age but did say his name was Tony. He just seemed perfect with sexual likes of giving head, being versatile, and rimming. It all seemed so perfect and he was only 10 miles down the road from me! So with everything I risked it and invited him over to my house and the invitation was accepted.

 

The fifteen minutes it took for Tony to show up seemed so long and I was dying inside of worry and second thoughts. What if I made a bad decision? What if this man intended to secretly rape me? What if this guy was a psycho? So many what ifs but I just told himself everything was gonna be ok. So Tony showed up and he looked exactly what his pictures showed in the profile. Actually to be honest: he seemed hotter than his pictures. And the bulge in his pants clearly showed he was hung. I fell for him instantly and felt comfortable. His smile seemed  to make me feel safe.it was so bright and seemed to light up the room and his pose was so masculine. I couldn’t resist it. So with that I brought him to my bedroom. A small quaint bedroom with a queen size bed. He sat down on my bed and stared right into my eyes as I took my shoes off. i wasn’t sure what to bring up next or if I should’ve gotten straight to the point so I decided to have a little pep talk. That’s when I asked him his age. He looked at me with the most beautiful smile ever and said that he didn’t feel like it mattered but that he was 42. Wow! He looked only to be 28! I was shocked I had a very attractive older man in my bedroom! I admitted I thought he was younger and he just laughed and said I was crazy. We then discussed our life and our interests. He seemed to be more interesting every moment. I couldn’t resist him.

 

So with that, I went over to him and started to unbutton his purple shirt. I raised my small nimble hands to the buttons trembling and shaking from nervousness because touching him was getting me hard. He knew it and was patiently waiting for me to get to the last button. One button…two buttons….three buttons. By the time I got to the fourth I was completely hard and turned on immensely because he had the most masculine hairy chest you could ever wish for! I just couldn’t resist it and went down on him sucking his nipples. I sucked them and licked his torso all over and proceeded to get all his clothes off him.  He was so hot and he was definitely enjoying it!By this time he had rolled me over and ripped my clothes off. He did it so fast and so fierce just like any fantasy would want and I was just mesmerized by him. He lay there in his beautiful naked body all white and hairy just waiting for me to make the next move.  We made out and sucked each other’s cocks. His cock was so big and beautiful and I loved sucking on it. I wanted it my ass so bad. So with that I slipped a condom on it and was riding it like no tomorrow. He was enjoying every moment of it and I loved the feeling of it pumping in my ass. He then rolled me over on my back and started fucking me missionary style. I was enjoying every moment of it and I passionately was falling for him. I moaned so fiercely and begged him to go deeper and faster. He fucked so well and it was like heaven.He busted his load inside me and it felt hot because I could feel it.

 

He pulled out and I then fiercely rolled him over and started rimming him and eating his ass out. He was so delicious and it was so hot hearing him moan so loud. He was asking me to fuck him and kept pushing his ass deeper into my face. So I slipped a condom on and fucked him. It was so hot! I fucked him like I loved him and like he was mine.pushed harder and was enjoying it like ecstasy! He begged me to go deeper and  I fucked him good and busted my nut in his ass. It was hot as we both lay there just relaxing and sweating and thinking about what happened. We had the best passionate sex ever in my life and I couldn’t believe it!

 

So with that we cuddled and made out a little more. His kisses were so sweet and soft and they felt beautiful!  I passionately kissed him knowing that this could be the last time I saw him. I wanted to let him know I was interested in doing this again but I knew he wasn’t probably looking for this. I cried and he rolled me over and wrapped me in his arms and asked me what was wrong. I told him I wanted to do this with him again and better yet I wanted him as a boyfriend. He looked me in the eye and passionately but gently said he was single and that he enjoyed it too.

 

He then got up and dressed himself. I put rolled over and watch his sweet ass slip into his pants and just cried. I was gonna miss out on him if he didn’t want to get with me again. He looked at me with passionate eyes and reached into his pants and pulled out a piece of paper.He gave it to me, sat me up, and dried my tears away. I unwrapped it and it had a phone number with an email. He looked at me and told me he wanted to do it again and to call him. with that he got up and left the house and I planned on calling him the next day. I am definitely looking forward to next time! I hope he is serious and is looking for something serious.

-Jonny Boi

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The Letter I wrote to My mom and Dad 2 weeks ago

So, two weeks ago I sent this email out to my parents. I never got a reply. I just resent it hoping they will reply. I don’t expect it but it’s worth a try! I kept it G-Rated…haha.

“Hi Mom and Dad,

It’s Jonathan =) Just thought I would write to y’all and let y’all know what’s been up with me lately. Well, as you guys know I got into college and I am about finished up with the semester!! I have averaged a B in my grades (which is above average) and I am looking forward to moving on to the next semester! This semester was really good for me, as I did take three classes this semester with 7 credits (Math 097: Basic Algebra and mathematics, MUS 189: College Choir, and CLS 100 Introduction to college studies). My next semester is planned in five classes: MUS 120: Introduction to Piano, MUS 112: Basic Music Theory, MUS 189: College Choir, MUS 151: Applied Non Music Major (These are the vocal lessons), and lastly MUS 103: Applied Performance Class (This is the class I Have at the end of the month when I appear to the jury for them to judge whether I move up to the next level in music lessons).
So that is the plan for my next semester. I am very excited and thrilled I will be learning music and piano. I took pre-requisites this ending semester (fall 2013) and did very well as mentioned before (I received a B either way because tomorrow I take the final in Math 097 and I am quite confident I can pass it). Choir has been fun and Is graded on attendance. I never miss choir because it is so fun and I’ve grown to master my vocal range somewhat (I am a First Tenor in training). We had our first concert October 13 and performed Les Miserables and Bridge Over Troubled Water. It was fun!!! I was nervous because it was my first concert performing but I performed quite well and am looking forward to our next concert which is December 9th!
So yeah, I also have a part time job with workstudy working with the music department. 15 hours a week and it isn’t a hard job at all! I also am anticipating on recording a Christmas album soon (not professional, but a demo) and I also am trying to plan on going to America’s Got Talent Summer 2014 (as I have the option to take the summer off). I am working on developing this talent and totally am pursuing my dream to become a popstar!
But I am not perfect and I’m not trying to paint a perfect picture. By all means, I still face problems. For one, I recently had to admit I’m an alcoholic because I was drinking like crazy. I also got into debt by $400 but I quickly repaid it back (I won’t say how, but let’s just say I stopped doing that because Jesus spoke to me). I’ve been raped. I’ve been accused of many things too. I struggle too. All my money I make now goes for a place to stay and my phone bill. I struggle hard because I don’t have parents to support me (*but that’s ok tho*). Amazingly through all my stress and hurt and pain, I still pass in school and get good grades. That’s because I’ve set my priorities straight and I DEEPLY care about my future.
Yes, I believe in Jesus and God and I attend church regularly on sundays. I also am part of the young adult/college life ministry and the pastor has connected with me. It’s good living here in Grand Rapids, Michigan and Attending Grand Rapids Community College. I will be earning my Associates Degree in Music.
Mom, if u read this I just wanted to let you know that what you taught me about cleaning and cooking is being used quite well and I am very clean and still cook a lot ❤ . When people ask me how I know how to do so many good things I was always tell them to thank my mom. Haha. I love u and I still care. I wanna see u but whatever. soon enough I guess.
Well Thanksgiving is a week away and I hope y’all enjoy it! I will miss everyone and be thinking of u guys but it is what it is. I’ve forgiven y’all and I pray everyday that Jesus will change your hearts and let me back in. It hurts and I cry so many times and I’ve been suicidal before about it but I have learned to let go (altho family movies and some memories triggered do get me depressed sometimes and I cry a lot,). I wrote a song about the pain and that helps too. I don’t hate y’all. I don’t dislike y’all. I know I am still gay.
Infact, I am still looking for the right man to marry. I’ve been through a lot of breakups and stuff but I still look for the right man that would wanna marry me and adopt kids and make a family. A man that will accept me for who I am. It’s hard tho because all the men in Grand Rapids are whores but I still try. It’s all about patience tho.
well, I need to go and do some things. Hope you read this mom. And dad. Reply back please?
Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays ❤
Love,
Jonathan Stephen Fisher
NEW: I HAVE BEEN INTO PHOTOGRAPHY TOO! CHECK IT OUT! Thanks!
I hope they reply soon!