Jonathan S Fisher's Life Adventures

Posts tagged ‘Hollywood California’

New Life So Far

I swear I opened this diary to type something. My mind is so blank right now I am just staring at the screen just going through my mind of ideas. I could write about a lot! A lot? What’s that…?  Could write about my life or music.  Could totally start writing that book I wanted to write so bad. I am wasting a paragraph trying to figure out what to write. Do I even make sense anymore? Do people even read my stuff anymore? Am I relevant? It’s all racing through my mind tonight. I guess I am going into a manic episode and I know I need to go to bed too but I can’t.  This always happens when I go through a manic. I do hate having bipolar depression. It’s horrible

Ok, Let’s just be real. I came here to write about my life. There’s so much I can write about and so much I have to cover. I’ll start with Miami, but let me say I am writing this at 1am in the morning. I know, totally irrelevant but whatever. So, James and I BROKE APART and for a month there he was going to work and I was playing with other dudes on the side and trying to seek another boyfriend. It wasn’t working out and James and I were fighting a lot and getting into arguments. There was an incident one time when he was in the house and I was angry at him and we were arguing. I wanted to get out of the house and this guy was messaging me on Grindr asking me to come to his place. I was so angry that I agreed to go to his place and he came and picked me up.  He was so nice at first calling me baby and such but when we got to his house he immediately got dominating and forcefully took my clothes off and told me to bend over. I was scared and said no, but he kept pushing me against the bed. Yeah, he raped me and I cried and I had to call James to pick me up. James just laughed and said I’d get over it but that he was glad I didn’t get killed.  I can’t believe I got raped. It hurt and that day changed me so much!

James and I relationship went ever more further down that day and we started fighting nonstop and I raised my voice a lot and him and I just weren’t working out at all. So one day when he was working (He had a stay at home job at the time) him and I were in a heated argument about where I was going to sleep permanently (at the time I was still sleeping on the couch on and off and sometimes I’d sleep with him) and I suggested to him that if he was so sick of me being there than to send me back to Los Angeles. I don’t know how or why but he Agreed and bought me a Virgin America plane ticket back to Los Angeles!! That very day of departure I started to think about everything! I was making a HUGE decision and I was taking all the bravery and guts to be homeless in Los Angeles again. I cried a small tear of regret as my plane was taking off and I knew I was going to return to Fort Lauderdale one day, perhaps. I also felt a sense of love from that last hug that James Thompson gave me. I did have second thoughts as the plane was taking off, but I chose to move on. This was a dead horse not to be beaten at anymore! So with that I moved to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles was fun!! Being there the second time I changed things up a little and got a job within 4 weeks of being there at Target working as a cashier and I also started going to music lessons here and then and gained a little more confidence of being me. I do need to tell you that it wasn’t easy at first!! Within the first week I was literally sleeping on the street in bush. I was cold and lonely. I felt horrible and I was also starving as well, but I was determined not to let that get me down!! I reached out to my friends I knew before and asked them advice and I also went to Covenant House California every day to see if I could get into the shelter. After A week, my friends J.R. Wright and David R Persley let me stay at their apartment for a bit sleeping on their couch and they were making sure that Covenant House California was doing their job of letting me get into the program and within 3 days I was in the shelter safe and sound! It was cool being in the shelter. They changed the rules and my curfew was 7pm to start (which wasn’t bad) and the food was better too! My caseworker was awesome too and worked so well with me!

I’ve got to say that being in Los Angeles the second time was a thrill. Even as I write this, I am considering the option of going back a year from now if all my plans work out (I will explain later). I had fun walking the walk of fame once again and meeting new people. I relished in the glory of visiting the bath houses there (in other words I was a slut) and I treated myself to food and a lot of commodities. I lived the life of luxury while I could. I went to the beach a lot and I did date a few guys here and there but none of them stayed. One of the guys I remember really broke my heart. His name was Prince and he was handsome. He was actually A Black dude I really thought I was going to be with but I don’t know why but he left me when I told him my life story.  Other than that, not much really happened in Los Angeles. I did celebrate my 21st birthday! It was stupid because all I did was go to the gay bar in west Hollywood (The Revolver) and drink one shot which cost me $5. Other than that I had a horrible 21st birthday and I cried that day. Oh and I also did once go to the Bear Bar one Thursday night (The Fault line) and I met Ben Zook and the main cast members of “Where The Bears Are” (A gay show). I was happy but they didn’t really speak to me a lot. I Honestly think Ben Zook was attracted to me because he kept following me and kept looking at me. I left the bar that night crying though because no one would speak to me and I felt like I wasted a lot of money.

Other than that, I think the rest of my life in Los Angeles for the three months I was there was about legit and lame.  I spent like half my time working at Target West Hollywood as a cashier and a lot of time at either Melrose Spa or Midtown Spa because I knew I would never find a guy to be with. I wanted to pursue acting and singing but with work getting in the way all the time I just kind of gave up on that and put it to a rest. I did sign up for the Voice auditions there but my vocal teacher said I wasn’t ready (And now looking at myself I can freely and with no regret say That I WAS NOT ready!) so I didn’t go. Oh and I also got to speak to Adam Lambert too on kik but that faded away and he stopped texting me (legit tho!! I didn’t think it was real either till he sent me photos and a video! I freaked out at first but I did speak to him for about three weeks straight!). I also purchased the New Samsung Galaxy Note 4 august 21st and have had it since then. Awesome phone and the best one I have ever had!

Working at West Hollywood Target was a fun experience and probably the best job I’ve held since my career life began! My bosses were easy to work with and they gave me legit hours. The coworkers were awesome as well and I even might add I had a coworker flirting with me and I was blind to see it! I made a few friends while working there and got their snapchats. We chat every now and I am friends with three of them on Facebook. My boss said she was sad to see me leave but that if I ever came back to Los Angeles that she’d hire me back in definitely! It was awesome working there! You won’t believe this but I even rung up Gwen Stefani one day and didn’t realize it till my coworker told me who it was! Everyone was staring at me when it happened and I was like ok whatever and when I finished the transaction she just smiled and left! Now, at this moment I didn’t know who Gwen Stefani was but when I went on lunch my coworker was like dude you totally served Gwen Stefani today and didn’t know who she was! I looked her up and sure as hell I died in shock. Not really but it surprised me! So there you have it. Oh and another celebrity I saw was Leslie Jordan himself in West Hollywood!! He was sitting at the West Hollywood Starbucks just drinking coffee and reading the news! I didn’t get pics of it but it was awesome!

So yeah, working at Target was awesome but I was making minimum wage there and I couldn’t find any places to live. The homeless shelter wasn’t letting me advance to their next level program and I technically was falling behind a lot. I became dissatisfied with my life and wanted to move on. I felt like I needed to move. My friends from Michigan were begging me to come back so I chose to go back! So with that I bought a plan ticket to Michigan and moved back to Grand Rapids Michigan September 19 2015! I had no regrets leaving Los Angeles. Was glad I was getting away from Los Angeles and the expensive lifestyle I had there. The only thing I regretted was leaving Target! It was so fun working there and my boss even cried when I said goodbye! I will miss Target and maybe just maybe move back there in year.

So when I moved back to Michigan I actually got back on my feet quite quickly! I stayed at my friend’s House (Karleem’s house) for a month and acquired a fulltime job working at Meijer store as a Cashier. I started at minimum wage ($8.00 An hour but when 2016 came in it was raised to $8.50) but they gave me up to 40 hours and that was enough. I acquired the job around October 7th and by the time three weeks had passed I was ready to get a place of my own as Karleem and his girl were being threatened to be evicted out because they didn’t pay their rent for 2 months. I also had the desire to move because Karleem and his girl were always fighting and putting my religion down. Their house was smelly too and I just wasn’t getting along with Karleem at all. So I started looking for rooms for rent in Grand Rapids. I checked craigslist and apartments.com and many other places. Within 2 weeks I found one and the guy was only asking $250 a month which included all utilities and water and free Wi-Fi and a washer and dryer in the basement! At the time of move in he was only asking $125 because it was the 15th so I took it! I had found an awesome deal and I am glad I did! I am still residing in the same place 4 months later! I have had no problems with my room mates and no problems with the house! In fact, Me and my roommate (I have two…one is the landlord and is gay. The other is str8 but funny) actually hit it off the first night quite well because he took me to a bar and brought me a beer and was laughing and got to know me. I liked him!! He was awesome and is my best friend at the moment!

Shortly after moving into my new place, Karleem and I got into a fight and it didn’t end so well. He threatened to take my life so I got a PPO filed against him and we no longer speak. Also another crazy thing is that all the friends that were begging me to come back to Michigan all weren’t even speaking to me at all! I attended Calvary Church once again and they didn’t seem to care as much as they did two years ago. I did feel a change and then I slowly started to slip into a deep depression realizing I lost all my friends I had before and they didn’t care for me much anymore. Then Adam Anderson stepped into my life. He just approached me at Calvary Church and was like hey bro let’s hang out. He was very nice in the beginning and he seemed like a perfectly good gentleman. He was giving me rides and told me to call him anytime I needed anything. He seemed so nice and friendly.  Then I told him I was Gay. That’s when things started to slide and that’s when I Started realizing he had a problem with me being gay. At the time, I felt so thankful to God for getting me so far in life that I went to Mason Sherrill and Adam Anderson and told them I wanted to get baptized. They shot me down! They said I had to change my lifestyle and the ways I act in order to be baptized.

This enraged me and that’s when I started questioning my faith and values. I started to drink and slipped into a deep depression. I was literally drinking a lot and one night I drank so much that I wanted to commit suicide! I cried out in despair and anguish to God to save me because I started drinking more and then I blacked out. I woke up the next day with a slight headache and realizing that religion was dragging me down. I kind of stuffed it thought and continued to go to Calvary Church denying the fact that every time I left there I’d feel depressed and suicidal and rejected.

So the holidays came and Meijer decided to make me start working 60 hour weeks (12 hour shifts…5 days a week) and I became even more exhausted. It got worse, my feeling of loneliness and rejection and Adam kept pressing on me that I needed to change. Thanksgiving came and I had dinner at Adam’s place. We talked and laughed but when I got home I cried and started drinking. Then I just fell asleep and pushed it away. Christmas came. I bought my friends Tiffany Love and Alexandra Blair and I also gave my two roommates Christmas gifts as well. The sad thing is that I never got anything in return but that was alright with me. Christmas 2015 was about giving back to the people who made a difference in my life that year! I was happy for a while there giving those gifts. And then another surprise and blessing happened!! The day before Christmas eve My youngest sister hit me up on Instagram and commented on my blog saying she missed me and Merry Christmas! I cried and I was excited!! I then told everyone around me I was happy and that it brought hope and peace back into my life! I was so happy and then Adam Anderson stepped in. He invited me to Christmas dinner with him and his family so I went and I kind of knew it wasn’t going to turn out so well.

Adam Anderson picked me up that night from work and we started talking about my day and all. Then I told him how I was on top of the world because my sister was speaking to me. Then he literally went there. He started attacking me about how it was wrong for me to be talking to my sister because it was against my parent’s approval and that’s against the Bible. He also said my parents had the full right to throw me out and that they will let me speak to my sister when they wanted.  I then started slipping down and I yelled at him and said I am done with this bullshit God stuff and I started crying and all but I brushed it off and had dinner with them. The dinner was lovely. We ate some squash soup with beef and salad. Then afterwards they gave me my gifts (a shirt, two hoodies and two pairs of pants) and Adam said he needed to take me home. We got into the car and as we were driving back to my place Adam kept reiterating that I shouldn’t be talking to my little sister and how being Homosexual was against the bible. Yeah, once I got home I felt empty and like a failure and got out my bottle of rum and drank until I passed out. I woke up the next morning feeling crappy but I got through the day crying and asking God why.  Afterwards I went to work the next day and stuffed my emotions. I forget how long I stuffed them for but one night I got so drunk that I cried out to God and I was throwing up because all the stuffed emotions were coming out. I felt lost and rejected and sad. Well, let’s just say I called Adam that night and I cried so much and he put me to sleep saying I’d be ok and to call him when I was sober.

I Woke up the next morning crying in pain. I decided to call out of work. I mean, I was still feeling crappy and suicidal. I felt lost, lonely, and worse. I wondered why I was still alive. I drank practically the whole bottle of Rum. I should’ve been dead. God, I cried out so much that day and then as the day began to progress I reached out to my Facebook friends and they all told me what the hell was my problem. It was Adam and Calvary Church. They were leading me to suicide. They were making me feel worthless. So with that I called Adam up and told him I was done. I no longer could handle the negativity and that I almost lost my life twice because of him and Calvary Church. He tried to convince me to stay but I put my foot down. I said I know that God loves me unconditionally and He don’t care that I am gay! I also concluded that I DO NOT believe the Bible is 100% true and accurate and that some homophobes put their bigoted views in it. Also told him that I don’t think God minded me speaking to my sister and that I would continue to do so because it’s the only thing that made me feel like I belonged and was loved. Ya know, he did say I was messed up and everything but that was the last time I ever went to Calvary Church and I feel FREE!!! I have never felt so much better in my whole life letting go of all the negativity in my life.

So I continued to work at Meijer and New Year’s came. My sister was little quiet for a little bit but we started talking again around New Years and she began to tell me so much more about her. She’s the town model and loves to play softball. She also told me a bit more about what’s been going on in the family. Christopher got a girl pregnant and had a baby boy. Britany got married to some fat balding guy named David and they live in a house together (she’s not pregnant yet but I do expect to hear that this year!). Bradley is still in a mental hospital and is doing fine there (figures!). Lorenzo got engaged to a white girl and got her pregnant. Craig is in Sophomore year in high school and is involved in sports. That’s all cool. Mom apparently doesn’t go to church anymore and doesn’t believe in SDA No more (That was a shocker but apparently she still hates gays!). Apparently also Tiffany swears up and down like a sailor and mom doesn’t care. They all have changed. I did reach out to my dad to see if I could come home for a visit. He told me to kill myself! Yes, I cried and almost did commit suicide when he said that but then I remembered my life is far more precious than what my parents say about it and that my sister is looking up to me. I have a purpose on this earth and it hasn’t been fulfilled yet!

So yeah, I started the New Year 2016 with no goals but working at Meijer still and performing karaoke. As the end of January came to an end I decided I wanted a better body so I have started working out and trying to lose weight. It’s a hard process though but in a year from now hopefully I will be 145lbs instead of my 215 I weigh right now. I started working out and I also have gotten into writing lyrics. Me and my sister still talk on and off.  I am still staying at the same place and rent hasn’t been a problem to pay! I am doing so well.

You know I have had some different experiences as well. Just about three weeks ago I went to see Breaking Benjamin and Starset Live at the Orbit Room. It was awesome seeing Starset Perform live and I got VIP!! I was front stage and got a photo with the band members! I bought their cd as well and got their autographs!! It was great. Breaking Benjamin was boring and disappointing. Made me feel worthless and cry all the way home. I don’t think I will be seeing Breaking Benjamin Live ever again! It was depressing and pointless. However, on the other side of that I also found out that Celtic Woman is doing a show in June at DeVos Hall!! I am excited and am definitely going to see it!! I am buying the tickets in April and Hopefully I will be able to get VIP meet and Greet with that as well!! It should be fun!!

So just one last thing and then I will be finished with this post (I know…I can hear the sighs of relief…LOL). I had an experience the other day that made me appreciate being alive once more. It also made me realize I DO have a purpose to be living and that God WANTS me alive! So anyways, just the other day (on the 17th) I was lying in bed and taking a selfie when I heard this loud BOOM! It shocked me and I got up thinking that maybe my candles busted (As I do have two candles I burn every night in my bedroom and just that day I left them burning all day because I spent all day in my room). I checked those and they seemed still intact. So then I thought well maybe my roommate dropped something So I went outside and asked him what happened and he was like nothing. So then I looked around and sure as hell I noticed a hole in my wall and my door and as I looked into the kitchen I saw a hole in my room mate’s door as well! It took me a minute to realize it but then I realized they were bullet holes!! So then I searched for the bullet and found it laying there right on the floor! This scared me and I started hyperventilating and going into shock! I started freaking out that someone was after me and wanted to take my life! My roommate (being the awesome guy he is) sat me down in the bedroom and told me to calm down. He called the cops and they came to investigate the scene. I couldn’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if I had been in the direction of that bullet! My life would’ve ended and I would’ve died alone and sad. I promised myself that I would make my life better after that and live like every day is my last! I am so glad it didn’t hit me and missed me and my roommate by 5 inches! The police did an investigation and found out there were two shots fired! The other one barely missed the window by which I lay and if it had gone up it would’ve killed me or hurt me. My guardian angel was watching after me and made that bullet hit the concrete!! I am so thankful to be alive and I PROMISE to make life more precious from this point on! That was a scary experience but I am glad no one was hurt. Police can’t identify the suspect but they do believe it was linked to the robbery that happened down the street from us! Like I said before, I am glad I lived!!

Well, I have decided that in a year I am going to move back to los angeles or Miami!! I am saving my money (doing the 52 week challenge money thing) and studying to get my driver’s license so that next year at this time I can just drive to either Miami or Los Angeles and make a life there! I hope it works out! It should!  Anways, it’s time for bed!! It’s almost 4am here. And I need to wake up at 6:30am to catch the bus to work. oh and by the way, I have been single for 6 months now. 🙂 Single is fun! Goodnight!! And thanks for reading and your support!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

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That was my picture with Starset!!

 

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Another Move!? Oh Jonathan!

08/24/2014

Hey Readers,

First off before I start writing this blog I want to personally thank all the people who have followed my blog and supported it. Your supports and followed are greatly appreciated. I also love comments and critiques and do appreciate the nice ones I have received so far! Thanks again and i just wanted to say that this will be my 53rd post!! Your support, comments, and follows keep this blog up and running! Thanks again!

Ok. Where to start? Ah! Last time I left you off with me dating Octavio. Yeah, we did go on a dinner date at Denny’s Family restaurant and it was delicious. I ordered fried steak with mashed potatoes and broccoli (Wow! What a lot of starch! lol!). He ordered some stir fry stuff. We enjoyed the dinner and talked about what we wanted in our futures, I was kind of talking like i wanted him in my life and wanted to marry him. He said he wanted to marry one day, have one kid and open his own salon. I was fallen for him and told him that sounded great. He also told me about his alcohol addiction and how he got 4 DUI’s and had to use a breathalyzer to operate his car.  I was totally smitten with his personality that it didn’t matter to me. So as we finished dinner he drove me back home and kissed me goodnight. He told me he wanted to meet at his house the next day and I agreed to.

I couldn’t sleep that night. I kept thinking about him talking about his future and I kept fantasizing him and I marrying. I just kept dreaming. Morning approached and I was ready to meet him but then I got a text. He said he was called into work and that we’d have to meet later around 2pm. I was a little upset but I just went job hunting that morning still having that goal in mind that I wanted to raise $5 Grand to move to Pennsylvania. As 2pm approached I was so excited. He texted me he’d be there in 15 minutes. I kept brushing my hair and making sure I looked nice for our second date. He arrived and took me to his house. His house was so small and there was no living room. It was just a bedroom and a kitchen. I didn’t care tho and he took me to his bedroom.

He tore my clothes off as I stared into his eyes. Then we proceeded to have sex (I’m not gonna get graphic….lol….but I can). Again, it was the best sex I had. He was all sweaty but I figured it was normal for a guy his size (he had a small hairy belly which I go nuts for on a man..lol). Something was wrong though because I sensed a negative energy in the room. He asked me if I was hungry and I said I’d buy him pizza at the pizza shop. He refused the offer and took me to dominoes instead and paid for it himself. I was okay with it, but the whole time I felt a negative energy. So he drove me back home and kissed me goodbye.

I didn’t sleep well that night because I felt something was wrong. I texted him telling him a lie saying I dreamed about him and wanted to meet again. He didn’t respond right away. I was worried but then I received his text saying he was working so I told him I would call him around the time I knew he got out of work (Which was 8pm). I successfully went on with my day hoping he’d offer me on a date when 8pm came around. 8pm came around and I called him. I explained to him I couldn’t get him off my mind and that I really liked him. Then he gave me the news I didn’t want to hear: He said he wanted to break up. I cried asking him why. I had done nothing wrong and as far as I was concerned we had great sex.  I was upset. He explained to me he had no time for me because he was working so much and that he didn’t want to hurt me. He hurt me anyways as I hung up crying just hoping I was dreaming. Alas, I wasn’t and I went into a deep depression.

The depression didn’t last long. About four days later I was just browsing facebook and doing my thing when I decided it was time to move on and look for another date (Sometimes I wonder about how I can get over something so fast, though?). So with that I joined BiggerCity, adam4adam, Grindr, and Growlr once more hoping I’d find something worthwhile. There were a lot of guys hitting me up but I declined most of them because they only wanted to get into my pants. Then “HE” walked in. Some cute attractive guy posted a status on the Facebook group BiggerCity asking a chaser to create a scenario of what would happen if we went to the bar and he got drunk. I kinda went all the way out naughty and said I’d take him to my house and have sex with him. He messaged me and said he wished that could be real. I just laughed and said hello.

Two days later HE hit me up again on Facebook asking me what was up. I told him I was ok but that I was heartbroken over my ex and tired of being single. He then proceeded to tell me I was attracted and that his name was James. I thanked him for introducing himself to me and for trying to bring me comfort by telling me I was attractive but that it wasn’t helping because every gay guy tells me that and that I wasn’t looking for sex. I was looking for a long term relationship. He then proceeded to tell me he was single and looking for the same thing. He asked me to try it with him. Well, I had no clue where he lived so then I asked him where he lived. He told me he was located in Fort Lauderdale, Florida and I was like OMG I am most certainly not moving to Florida to be with you because I belong in Los Angeles. He said he knew that already and that he’d move to Los Angeles to be with me if we worked out.

A week went by. I talked to James every night and day and spent about 4 hours every day that week on the phone with him. I learned he worked at Papa John’s and that he was actually a decent guy that was slowly learning to care for me. I learned he was chubby as well and that he was quite cute for his “baby face” he would always send me. He was extremely cute and I felt a small connection with him. I also learned that he really liked black guys and that he was really into me because I was very attractive Inside and out. I also learned he smoked (Yes we all know I do not tolerate smoking) but I chose to overlook that. I learned so much about him and chose he wasn’t a bad guy after all. I still was hoping he’d move to Los Angeles.

Well, the behind the scenes our budding relationship was falling apart in Los Angeles. Covenant House California was coming down on my ass everyday and pushing me to get a job. I was upset because no matter how hard I tried I kept failing at obtaining a job and then my other exes were jumping on my ass because I was telling them I didn’t want to be with them. I was crying on the phone everyday and looking for love.  I missed my family as well and all my friendships were falling apart. Covenant House California also begun renovating their facility and I got a new Room mate by the name of Joseph Santos and we were fighting too much because honestly he was gay and too dominant for me and I had a small crush on him (Don’t ask!). Things were falling apart and I wanted to leave.

Well, James heard me. He knew what I was feeling and he did the obvious: He offered to pay a plane ticket to Fort Lauderdale to be with him. At first I was hesitant and scared. I was afraid James would be just like my one ex, Dan White who once fucked me up when I was 18 by saying I could live with him but at the end of it all put me out on the street (Long story!). I cried for about three days just expressing my fears to James. I told him I didn’t trust him and that if I did move there we’d have to sign a paper saying he’d work with me and NOT throw me out on the street. He reassured me for four days straight. So finally after all the tears, pain, and fighting I did with myself and Covenant House California I decided to move to Fort Lauderdale, Florida to give James a chance.

5 days passed and James bought the ticket. I packed my bags. I said my goodbyes to Los Angeles. I said my goodbyes to Hollywood.  I promised myself I would return someday on a visit but that this was it. Los Angeles was an adventure of discovering myself and finding the true meaning of what I want in life. I chose I didn’t want the fame that Hollywood displayed or that these celebrities are getting. I chose that I wanted fame in a different way and that Los Angeles wasn’t the place. I decided I wanted my fame to be for God and not for the people. Los Angeles was quite an Adventure not to be forgotten and I did learn a lot living in Los Angeles.  All I can say is that Los Angeles is NOT glamorous and beautiful. It is quite the opposite and the people there are either snobs or careless. The gay scene there is fucked up and it’s all about meth. weed, and heroin there. The people in Los Angeles are lost. I DO NOT want to return to live there ever. A visit is fine but living there is not an option. My 6 months in Los Angeles was quite an adventure and I give all the GLORY to God for giving me the strength and courage to survive.

The final hours before taking off on the plane were quite interesting. I packed my bags and tried to get a ride to the airport from Covenant House but they were assholes and told me I’d have to walk to the airport because they couldn’t support me for what I was doing (Yeah…I was upset about this because I couldn’t believe they would make me suffer  carrying all my bags 12 miles to the airport and my bags were NOT lightweight!). I made sure they knew I was upset and left. I panicked as I only had an hour to get to the airport and the map said it would take me 2 hours to get there! So with that, I freaked and called everyone I knew in Los Angeles to ask for help. I even called my exes! They all said they couldn’t do anything for me and wished me luck. Assholes! Then my lifesaver came through! My friend, Christopher Battley came through and told me he would drive me at no cost! I was so thankful for this and I showed him all the appreciation I could. He was a true friend and to this day as I write this, we still talk. Thanks Chris!! I will be FOREVER thankful!!

So I got to the airport. I was scared shitless! I had never been on a plane before in my life and never done anything at an airport before! I was panicking! I called James up and got the instructions. I had to go to the checking in counter and show my  ticket and then they would take my bags and put it on the belt for the plane. Afterwards, I would go through security check and then head to the designated gate number of the plane taking off for Fort Lauderdale florida. I did all of this with no problem and got on the plane. I was so nervous when I stepped on the plane and sat next to the window. I was finally moving away from Los Angeles! I think the plane attendant knew and asked me if she could do anything to make my trip more comfortable. I smiled and thanked her for caring and told her I would be fine. As the plane took off I leaned forward to kiss Los Angeles goodbye. The view was beautiful! I was stunned and mesmerized! Los Angeles looks beautiful in the air!

3 hours passed on the plane. The plane ride felt like being in a car. A Fast Speeding car. We arrived in Denver, Colorado for our first stop. I didn’t have to switch planes so I just stayed in my seat and waited for about 20 minutes for us to take off again. I texted James letting him know where i was and that I was happy to leave Los Angeles. I told him all about my fears and he reassured me I would be ok. So then I spent another 8 hours in the air on my way to Fort Lauderdale. I have to be honest that the whole time I was looking out the window and playing my video game on my phone (The wi-fi on the plane sucked). When I arrived at Fort Lauderdale I wanted to get back on the plane again! I enjoyed the ride a lot and it was beautiful! I walked to baggage claim and got my bags and then waited for James.

I jumped into James’ arms when he walked up to me. He was a little bigger than I thought he was but I liked it. His hands were so welcoming as they clutched mine and then Our First kiss happened. It was ok but I was hungry (lol). So James and I walked to his friend’s car and put my bags in the trunk. As I sat there in the car I looked James up and down and listened to his voice. I put my hand up his shirt to feel his soft hairy chest (and man boobs…lol!) and I loved it! I did tell him he was bigger than I thought he was but it was ok. His voice was sexy. His outfit was sexy. His eyes were a beautiful hazel brown. I was burning in lust for him. I would’ve fucked in the car if we could’ve!.  He gave me a Denny’s cheeseburger as I proclaimed I was hungry after I was done taking him in. I chowed half of it down and then we arrived at his house. His house was small and quaint and a little dirty but I promised myself I’d  clean it the next day when I unpacked. We proceeded to have sex and it was HOT! Then he passed out and I am here writing this blog in so much awe.

Well, I need to go to bed as I am exhausted myself and need to unpack my bags tomorrow but let me say that I am still burning up in lust for James and I still feel like I made a great decision. Hopefully tomorrow James will prove to me why living in florida is ok and show me around. Good night  readers and feel to comment and share! Bye now!

-Jonathan

 

PLANE PHOTOS:

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A Picture of Me and Octavio Rojas:

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A Picture of James Thompson my new boyfriend:

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James and I together on our 1st Night:

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Well Goodnight!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

Birthday and Life goes on :0

8/12/2014

Hey All,

Well it’s been awhile since I’ve written. Sorry. I used to write weekly but lately my life has been so busy with looking for a job and then some days I don’t get out of bed because I am too tired and depressed and I lie there sleeping or talking to friends on my phone. Or sometimes I get so caught up in doing “other” things that I am exhausted and ready to go to bed. So yeah.

But not much has changed. I am still in Covenant House California’s ROP Program and doing very well in it. The staff love me because I am one of the people who cooperate and do well with the program. As far as my personal life, well just recently I broke up with that Paul guy. He just wouldn’t reciprocate. So I went over to his house and told him straight up that I couldn’t do this any longer and broke up with him. Then yeah, I’ll admit I visited the Melrose and Midtowne Spa a few times, and met a couple of nice guys. The one, Ruben Hernandez was alright. The thing I liked about him was his eyes! They were green and in the dark they would change to brown. He was Latino and about 32. Very nice guy. I met him at Midtowne Spa and yeah, we had sex. It was good sex because he did me very well and yeah I liked it. I gave him my number but he never did text me. He did however, add me on Facebook two weeks later and I was like oh ok but we never met a second time to this day because supposedly he lives outside of Los Angeles.

But yeah, I did meet another guy who turned out to be my boyfriend, but let me get to that a little later. I did undergo a photoshoot with a man by the name of Christopher Anthony! His photography’s business name is First Blast Photography and he did a few free shots with me!! I had to wait two weeks to get the results and am still waiting for the edits, but it was fun! We went to a park in Culver City and shot there. I was in my “cowgirl” outfit (Black boots, skinny jeans, black button up shirt, and black socks). It was fun and I did my best to look my best. With the photos I am going to share, they are still in the editing process 🙂

Anyways, after the photoshoot, I went down a spiral of depression. It was a week before my birthday and I kept dreaming about my foster family. I kept dreaming they were welcoming me back with open arms. It happens every year around my birthday and this year it was the most impacting because it was my big 20! I couldn’t help but think that this was it: I am approaching my full adult life and saying goodbye to being a teenager and my parents couldn’t be present to celebrate with me! I lay in bed for 4 days straight not moving at all just lying there crying. Sadly, no one cared. Covenant House just though I was sick and didn’t bother to ask.

Well, after about 5 days of moping, crying, and sleeping intensely I finally found something to look forward to: I had decided that I was going to make a goal of raising $2,000 and move to Pottsville Pennsylvania to be near my family. I thought hey if they don’t want me to be in their life then it could be a win win situation and I could at least be close to them. This got me super motivated to get out of bed and move. I had something to look forward to and I had to get a job to get that goal accomplished. I threw it in people’s faces and told them i was gonna leave the dreadful California for a better life in Pennsylvania.

So then my birthday came. July 30. It was an ok day. I got a huge cake from Covenant House and I also got a bunch of Birthday wishes. It was just another day for me really because no one really gave me gifts or presents and I had not received any birthday letters. I did cry for about 10 minutes towards the end of the day because I missed my family and wished my family could’ve been with me for my big 20 but it was it was. I promised myself that my 21st birthday would be rocking fun by either getting drunk at a bar or going on a vacation.

So yeah, my birthday is past and I am now 20. No longer a teenager. It’s funny because I felt like an adult when I turned 19. It feels no different to be 20. I am still Jonathan S Fisher and still struggling to find a job in Hollywood, California. I am still trying to use my talent of singing and dancing to impress people and be an entertainer. I hope that this year goes well. I hope something good comes out of my 20th year and that I find the love of my life. I pray to God I find a job and can make a life for myself this year and that no matter what I will always have friends.  I am going to make this year a beautiful one and successful.

Well anyways, not much has happened since then. I am seeing a guy by the name of “Octavio Rojas”. He’s 42 and mexican. We met at Midtowne Spa. Yeah, he’s chubby. He’s actually a mexican chubby bear. Yes, we’ve had sex already (Lol) and it was hot! He sure does have a thing for my ass tho (lol), but I have a thing for his hairy belly honestly. The funny thing about the two of us is that He doesn’t speak english very well and I have to communicate with him through sending texts.  I like him though. Him and I are supposed to go on a date soon so I am looking forward to that since I haven’t had a real date in like months! I hope Octavio is the one. The only problem I am facing right now is telling him I plan on moving to Pennsylvania in 5 months or so. Maybe it could change for him. It depends on how much we connect and so far it’s going well.

So anyways, besides looking for work extensively and seeing Octavio nothing has been going on. I really hope I get this job and make that $5 Grand. I’ll be happy.  I am going to go to bed now because I am getting tired. Hope you all have a great night and thanks for reading!!

-Jonathan S Fisher

PHOTO SHOOT PHOTOS: Done by Christopher Anthony from First Blast Photography:

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Thanks again Christopher Anthony from First Blast Photography for taking time to shoot those photos!! It is greatly appreciated!!

 

family

Picture Of My Family

5 Months and A lot

Hey Readers,

It’s that time again. A milestone. I have been in Los Angeles, California for 5 months now. more specifically, I have been living in Hollywood for 5 months now. How has it been? Very Hard and it is still very hard living here. I have thought about moving back to Michigan numerous times and right this moment I am still thinking of it.

So let’s take an overview of the last 4 months (I think I covered the first month already in the previous post). Well, I did hold two jobs! The one job was an internship onsite with Covenant House California. I was a Food Preparation Intern in the Kitchen. My basic duties were to serve food to the residents of the shelter, make snacks, prepare the for needed for dinner and make sack lunches (sandwiches). It was a simple easy job and I was told that i was the hardest working and best performing intern they had. That job lasted for a month and 12 days. Then I accepted another part time job with Melrose Spa.

Melrose Spa was great working at. Mario Sandoval, my supervisor, would bring me in everyday 8am to 4pm to work and I worked really hard. My basic duties were cleaning the bedrooms in the spa (a total of about 30 rooms), cleaning the other rooms and restrooms in the spa, and to clean the jacuzzi out and put fresh water in it. It was a fun job and the environment there was super gay and comfortable (LOL! It was a bath house for real, not a spa!).  I loved my coworker who trained me, Ty. He was super gay and super cute. I honestly looked up to him while working at the spa because he was so free and happy all the time. He made the job funner than it was! Hehe :). So yeah, I held this job for about two weeks and then my supervisor just laid me off for no apparent reason on June 13th (Which also happened to be Friday the 13th! Yikes!).

So with that, those are the only two jobs i have been able to uphold in Hollywood. Typical, eh? Yeah, I have been searching for another job and yes I have been to a couple of interviews already.  I had an interview with Healthy DogSpot Spa LA and that went very well but Marissa (The lady in charge of the business) called me and notified me she found a better match. Then I interview for Target as well on LaBrea and Santa Monica (Located in West Hollywood) and they sent me an email notifying me they weren’t interested. So I am still looking and actively seeking employment. It’s hard out here in Hollywood.

So in other news, boyfriends have been low key really. For a while i was in a relationship with a guy from Long Beach, California who was 36 years old. His name was Matthew Buckner. Him and I kicked it off good at first. We went on a date at the Hard Rock Cafe and we kissed. But then it went downhill from that point on because he kept begging to have sex with me and I was like hell no. Then I said yes but then he wanted me to pay for a hotel room and I was like hell no.  So then i cheated on him and slept with another guy (just a random hookup) and he got upset and then I decided to call it quits with him because him and i weren’t working out.

I mean, it was more than that too. This relationship lasted a month long. Matthew was smoking too much and i kept asking him to stop but he wouldn’t. Then he kept looking at other guys and degrading me. He also made me feel like s***.  He also had issues with playing with my emotions and wouldn’t appreciate the stuff i was doing for  him (such as taking 2 hours out of my day to go see him in Long Beach and dealing with his nasty ass smoking). So I cheated on him and that’s what ended our relationship.  I had the full right to cheat. We did try to keep an open relationship after i cheated on him, but that did not work because I got tired of him bragging about the guys he was sleeping with and then throwing it in my face. So we broke and let me say this: I was glad we did because honestly it was tiring to me!

Since Matthew I have been single. so 2 months? Yup! I won’t deny that I have had numerous hookups since then. I won’t deny I have been kinda slutty.  I have had a few visits to Melrose Spa and Midtowne Spa, yes. I have been safe and yes, I use condoms and get tested. I still want a boyfriend. I am not “looking” as some would say but i still hope for one. There is a guy I am seeing right now but I am thinking about calling it quits because he won’t reciprocate in sex and like all he wants is my ass. I’m like it takes two, not one.

Speaking of hookups, I have to tell you about this one guy.  I met him at the Midtowne Spa. He was 34 and omg he….was…..a……muscle god! His pecs were huge and his arms were massive as well. His legs were like toned so well and like when he took his clothes off…his nude body was gorgeous! Don’t believe me? Oh you just wait till I tell you the next part. Okay, we obviously had sex…lol. Yeah, but you will never guess how freaky the sex was! Like I wondered why it was so freaky and then afterwards when I left the spa I couldn’t stop thinking about it. He looked into my eyes for a whole minute while we were making love and he held my hand passionately. Then he took my hand and look directly into my palm. Then at the end of the sex and all he looked at me and told me everything was going to be ok and that he saw everything. I gave him my number before leaving and kept thinking about what he said. That bothered me.

I went home and couldn’t stop thinking of it. What had he seen? Why did it seem like he got inside of my soul and pried me open? Why was it so freaky? Something wasn’t right and I knew it. So i slept on it and dreamt about the sex. I went on with the day and it bothered me. So then he called me in the evening and I spilled it out. I asked him what he meant and that it bothered me immensely. He then proceeded to tell me he was psychic and that while we were having sex he did a psychic reading on me! I was freaked! No wonder why I felt he crept inside of my soul. He read me and fooled me and I didn’t know! He said that looking into my eyes he saw my past, present, and some of my future. In the moment he looked into my palm, he was trying to read my love life. He said he wasn’t quite sure about the palm reading because I wouldn’t sit still but that he definitely knew my past and present and some of my future. He said he saw a light and that pretty soon I would face some major choices in life. He also said I would face a major choice in the use of meth. He said i would use it.

Now that I choose not to believe since i don’t do meth and I have seen people’s lives destroyed by it. Plus I am afraid of needles. He also said that I would have friends who are jealous of my life and i would be jealous of their life as well. Interesting. He said those friends would introduce me to drugs and I would try some. Gosh, I think this guy misread me because I do everything to stay away from drugs. The only drug I’ve done that my friend, Karleem, introduced me to was pot/marijuana. Even then, here in California it’s not an illegal drug. Why would I do drugs? He did give me a valid reason why tho because I asked him. He said my need for love will become so strong that drugs will be my escape. That’s a pretty valid reason and quite a shocking truth. So with that being said i promised myself i would never do drugs and that he was wrong.  Yeah, I want love but there is no reason for me to do drugs to escape it.

So with that said, I still talk to him everyday or I try to at least. Ok. Moving on.  So besides the sexual drama and boyfriend drama I have also had some personal issues. For one, I did cut my wrist again. Why? Because i got depressed and I have been dealing with my depression a lot lately. I don’t know why. I started writing this blog post in depression, but now i am feeling fine. I have been taking my meds and everything. I think I am getting majorly depressed because I can’t seem to find a stable job or boyfriend. Yes, I still want a boyfriend even though sometimes it seems like I am way too promiscuous to have one. Believe me, when i get a real boyfriend i won’t be promiscuous anymore and i will be committed to him and him only.

I explained earlier I do search extensively for jobs and I try real hard to land interviews. I do my best in interviews too. I guess you could say I don’t try hard enough. I mean, yeah i should try harder.  I am trying real hard to get a job as a cashier in a retail store or a shelf stocker. I love working retail. People tell me I should look for jobs in the food industry such as Mcdonalds or In N’ Out Burger, but really that’s not for me. I have applied to 12 different coffee shops in Los Angeles and I called about 7 of them but they all said they would call me. It’s hard. When i got a job at Melrose spa, I was so happy but then i realized it was working in the “sex” industry and wasn’t quite a notable job to hold.  Sadly, they laid me off but if I could keep it, I think I would. The job paid $9.50 an hour. My paycheck was $700! So yeah, I hope  I can find  a better job that pays just as much. It’s still hard in Los Angeles. I don’t know why, but the employers here are very picky.

In housing news, I am still residing at Covenant House California, BUT I did move up to their 2 year “Rights Of Passage” (ROP) Program! I had to fight to get into this program. One of my friends said i did no work to get into the program and that they just chose me. She was wrong. I had to get up everyday and submit my job search employment contact sheets to my case manager. I also had to attend many “Life Skill” classes and i also had to keep out of trouble everyday to get in the program. Was it easy? No! In fact, it was very exhausting and when I finally was notified I was moved up to ROP I nearly cried! I had won and got what I wanted!

How is ROP? Oh it is ok! There is less drama and it’s more quiet. I only have one room-mate and I can also keep my stuff in my bedroom and not worry about it being stolen. I can sleep in on the weekends if i want to and I also can stay up in my bedroom all day if wanted. luxurious? It sort of is. It still is stressful living there tho. I still have to get up during the weekdays at 830am in the morning and make it to the 9am morning meeting. I mean, it’s not that bad really. Helps me get the f*** out of bed in the morning (LOL!). I wish staff would care more often tho. When I cut my wrist they really didn’t care and just told me not to do it again. They could’ve talked to me and cared. Yes, I still have a curfew. The initial curfew is 10pm but really for me it is 7pm when I have a chore to do. This week I don’t have a chore so I have until 10pm this week. I do not know about next week. Yes, I still have to attend Life Skills classes but it’s ok. I actually like the facilitator of the classes, Kristen. She is pretty and kinda reminds me of my mom a lot.

So yeah. that’s what has been happening. You know, I forgot to mention that i have identified my mental issues. Based on research and a lot of observations of my actions i am classified as Bipolar 1, PTSD, and Manic Depression. I won’t explain in detail what it is in this post but just research it.

So what do you think? Should I stay in California and try harder or Should i move to Michigan?

Thanks for reading!!

-jonathan s fisher.

HOLLYWOOD DREAMS ❤ ❤

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BTW: REMEMBER THE PCITURE FROM LAST YEAR!? My birthday is 28 days away today!!! I will be 20!! Who’s Gonna celebrate with me!!??

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I dyed my hair blonde for the month of June!! Hehe!! One of my friends who live in Pasadena, Mark Starr dyed it for me for $20. 🙂 I loved it!!

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I also bought a new Apple Macbook Pro 13 inch Laptop!!

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Just A few more pics of me at the beach!! I went to Venice, Santa Monica, Malibu, and Will Rodgers State Beach!!! My favorite of them all: Venice Beach!! ❤

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And Finally just a few shots I took with my phone 🙂

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HAVE A NICE DAY!!

Thanks for reading and please share!! Comments appreciated!

-Jonathan S Fisher

 

DON’T FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE!!

 

 

 

 

32 Days and Celebrating my 50th post :)

Hey readers,

How’s it going? I am not doing so well today or this evening. I’m feeling a little lonely and down on myself. I am thinking suicidal thoughts (which I think I will always face my whole lifetime). I guess I’m just exhausted and stressed out because I have three interviews  lined up for the next three days (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday). Two of them pertaining to work and the one dealing with DPS so I can get food stamps/medical in California.

So based on my post’s heading or subject, yes I have been living in Covenant House California for 32 days now. It’s been a quite interesting experience tho. Here’s how my schedule was like in the past 30 days:

Monday Through Friday:

7AM-Wake up time. I usually sleep in till 745 or 730 depending on how I am feeling. During this time, we are given the opportunity to take morning showers, Make our beds, and do whatever pertains to cleaning the bedroom. I don’t usually take morning showers so I sleep in. It also don’t take much for me  to clean, as I am clean all the time and organized.

8AM to 830AM- Breakfast. I can’t complain about this because it’s free breakfast and at least they feed me. Some mornings it is good but then some not so delicious, but it’s better than nothing! I have skipped breakfast a few times tho. I think the best breakfast so far that they have served is omelette with Hashbrowns and toast.

830AM to 9:15AM- Morning meeting. This is the time when all the residents and staff of the crisis unit come together and meet in the Multi purpose room to discuss issues and what will be needed to be done for the day.

9:15AM to 1145AM- Case Management and Career Center duties. This is the time when we first meet with our case managers. My case manager is Mrs. Lon Usher (I know, I though it was a weird name too). Miss Lon talks to me about my goals for the day and makes sure I am keeping my mind-set on getting a job and a house. She also kind of annoys me by telling me what to do with my friends and always asking me for employment contact sheets. I think by now she knows I don’t listen to her advice about what to with my friends and life. I run my life and I choose where to put my friends. I am not going to stop putting my friend’s needs first because I love my friends. Mrs. Lon always tells me to put my friends on the back burner. I just say whatever all the time.

After meeting the case manager, it is time to move over to the career center. The career center is awesome and helpful! I have no complaints about it because the staff are friendly and help out in any way they can. I do admit the first two weeks I was in the career center that I gave them a problem because I didn’t want to do the classes and work they were making me take. They had me take a class called Job Prep, which was simply a review of what employers are looking for and  how to land your job. Job Prep also help me create a resume and cover letter, which ultimately did help me. The second class they had me take was called “Interview Workshop” in which I sat through a mock interview and answered questions. It was fine.

So with those two classes, I had to also complete what they called the “Casas Test” which was quite simple and I scored high on it. It was a test involving two parts: Math and English. It wasn’t hard at all. Then I also had to complete an assessment which identified my strengths and weaknesses. It also put me in possible career paths I could be useful in. It was an interesting test and it landed the spot on where I was.

So after taking those classes and tests, My Employment/Education specialist, Monique Randolph, sat me down to discuss my job search plan. We came to the conclusion that my goal was to get a full time job working in Retail and that Monday through Friday I would put in five apps per day and report to her every Monday. Monday and Tuesdays were my on-site days where I would stay at the career center all day and fill out 5 online applications. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my offsite days where I can go anywhere in California but I would have to say where I am going and bring back 5 apps. Fridays were my day when I can choose what I want to do as long as I turn in 5 apps that day. So with that being said, that started my days.

I’ve applied to so many places by now and only had two interviews, but I have a feeling that soon I will be getting a job. It’s bound to happen. Moving on.

12 noon Lunch. Sometimes I skip lunch especially on my offsite days.  The best lunch so far has been Chinese.

1230pm to 430pm- Free time or continued job search . If my five apps are not filled out by this time, I just head right back to the career center and finish. Otherwise I just end up heading down to the Starbucks coffee shop down the street and chill. I usually just sit at the table scanning Facebook or checking my #Grindr or #Growlr waiting for someone to chat with me or hookup. Needless to say when I do hook up, they have been a waste of time with exception of two guys. Yes, I have two guys that I saw that were special, but I will cover that later.

5pm to 6pm- Dinner and Courtyard time. This is the time we eat dinner and spend time outside in the courtyard. Usually all the smokers go in one place and smoke.  I usually just sit on my phone texting people or scanning Facebook and watch the boys play basketball. It’s really boring at this time. Dinner is not bad tho! The best dinner they have served is Meatloaf with mashed potatoes and buns. They always serve salad at every dinnertime.

6pm to 7pm- Lifeskills: Roomtime. This is the time when we all are required to be in our rooms cleaning. Usually, I just lay down on my bed and chat with friends or browse Facebook on my phone. We’re supposed to make our beds, fold any laundry we have or do laundry, vacuum the floor, and tidy up the bedroom. I’m always clean so I never bother because all I really have to do is do a load of laundry every now and then. It’s my personal time.

7pm to 8pm- Lifeskills workshop. These are the classes where we learn various lifeskills such as the importance of Renting apartments, social skills, budgeting, etc. Sometimes the classes help but most of the time I’m just on my damn phone texting friends.

8pm to 845pm- Free time. This is the time when we have a choice on what we want to do. They offer classes in music (Mondays are guitar..which I attend frequently. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are percussion/drums. I attended a couple of these classes but the teacher is like a Pacific Islander or something because he has a weird accent and it’s hard to understand. I can’t stand him so I don’t attend the class and rather just watch TV or browse Facebook on my phone. Thursdays are Piano/Voice days. I go for the voice lessons. I don’t know the woman’s name who teaches voice/piano but she is very nice and right now we are working on my breathing.

Fridays we don’t have any classes so I usually watch TV or hang around.  On Wednesdays, they also offer art classes, which I attend frequently and usually do something with clay. So everything is pretty chill. Like I said before, I usually am on my phone most of the time texting friends or Browsing Facebook. My mind is always with my friends.

845pm to 915pm- Night meeting. This is the time all the residents and the staff come together to discuss current issues in the house and concerns. I never speak up about anything because I just want the meeting to go by pretty fast, but then certain residents in the house are immature and drag it on forever. I just sit there and wait patiently.

915pm to 930pm- Chore time. If you signed up to do a chore for that night then you have to complete it at this time. I usually have two days I sign up to do five chores. Chores are quite simple and easy to do. It’s a bunch of vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning furniture, and taking out trash. Nothing too hard.

930pm- Bedtime. The facility doesn’t shut down anything till 11pm but I am usually in bed by this time.

 

Saturdays and Sundays

Saturdays and sundays are pretty simple and laid back with a slight different schedule. Here is how it goes:

7am-8am- wakeup time. This time is very optional. We only have to wake up if we want breakfast. I usually skip breakfast on the weekends, but there have been times I have gone down and eaten breakfast.

8am to 830am- Breakfast.

845am to 10am- Roomtime. This is the time, if you haven’t eaten breakfast to continue to sleep in till around 945am. I usually sleep till 9am and then get up and take a morning shower. I also make my bed and do day planning.

10am to 12pm- free time. Usually by this time I have left out the door and hang out in Hollywood either at a coffee shop or somewhere nearby. I have walked down the walk of fame and visited the Pantages Theater.  Sometimes I also hook up if I am desiring company.

12pm to 1230pm- Lunch. I don’t usually attend lunch on the weekends. I am usually still out and about away from the facility.

1230pm to 445pm- Free time. The facility usually closes its doors by this time but I am always out and about to miss it.

5pm to530pm-Dinner. Dinner is its usual thing.

530pm to 845pm- free time. They open the bedrooms at 6pm and close them by 7pm. But I usually hang out in the multi-purpose room (they call it MPR) and watch TV and/or browse Facebook on my phone.

845pm to 915pm- Night Meeting. This only takes place on Sunday Nights. Usually on saturday nights they just chill.

915pm to 930pm-Chore time.

930pm-Bedtime.

 

So yeah, that’s how my life has been run the past 30 days here in Covenant House. You’d think that with all this schedule that there would be no room for drama or guys. WRONG! There has been a lot that has happened in those small moments of free time and those weekends. For one, I have been discovering Hollywood more and more and falling in love with it. I have not seen any big celebrities yet, but have been flirted on by Ben Patrick Johnson once. If you don’t know who he is, look it up. Boy! That was my moment of fame there. I felt honored he was flirting with me and his body tho! It was amazing and I couldn’t believe he was flirting with me. That’s why I love West Hollywood now (or WeHo). I go there as much as I can just hoping I would be able to see Ben again. I also go to WeHo too because it’s Gay Town and full of gay men. Infact, there is even a Starbucks I love to go to because there are tons of hot men who walk in and out of there.

Relationship wise, you could say I have been naughty. I slept with a couple dudes here and there, but there were two particular men that were close to being my boyfriend. The first one was Nathan George. He seemed  quite nice. 32 year old white male and gorgeous. At first I was hesitant to meet him because he had told me before that he had herpes, but that we could still have sex when his sores were healed up. So we waited for a couple of weeks and then met in person at WeHo. He seemed pretty nice and was a good singer who was in a band called “The Remedy”. He sang to me and I fell for him hard.

Unfortunately, he wanted sex and took me to Melrose Spa. Oh, we had good sex and we made out and cuddled. It was nice, but the place was not. That very day in the spa, four guys were all over me sucking my dick. I didn’t like that.  So we separated that day and I went home. That very night Nate texted me and said he felt bad and that he didn’t want to do it again. I agreed and told him I didn’t like sex in public sex houses. Well things were fine and then two days later he texted me again. He said he didn’t want me because I was too emotional and that he couldn’t handle me. I was like what the hell and just cried myself to sleep that night. I wished that I wasn’t so emotional and messed up mentally. I wished I had a normal brain and wished that for once that I could just kill myself. I almost did that night. I talked to my lesbian girl friend, Kendra White and she helped me through it. I hope Nathan George finds all the love he wants in another guy. For all I am concerned, he had sex with me and had his share of meat. I hope he’s happy.

Then there was Kyle McMenamin. Gosh, Kyle was different from all lovers I have had. It lasted less than a week, but this time it was my own mistake that tore us apart. Kyle was 29 and homeless. White male and six feet tall.  Good motives and wonderful character. Him and I met on Craigslist and went on a couple of dates. By the third date, I asked him how he felt about me and he said he didn’t want to be boyfriends. Well, I assumed he didn’t want me so I slept with another guy. Well, I told Kyle and he just got upset at me and then it fell apart. He didn’t speak to me for a whole day and then he texted me saying he only wanted to be friends and I haven’t heard from him since then. So he gave up on me just like that. This was just recent (yesterday).

I think I am giving up on love now. All these men want something for me to change and I can never seem to live up to their expectations. I can’t change who I am just to satisfy someone. I am emotional. I am lovesick. I am longing just to be loved. I just want someone to cry with and be reassured I am loved. I guess it’s too much. Sorry, but when you have a traumatic childhood and bad adolescent years you’re bound to be emotional and clingy. Guess I’ll have to live with it.

Anyways, yeah. I am taking a break from love for a while to let the scars on my heart to heal. Guess what!? I experienced my first earthquake! Yes, it was on the 14th of March. A 4.7 magnitude scale earthquake and guess what!? I slept through it! The only way I knew about it was when my room mate woke me up screaming and hiding uder the little desk we have in our bedroom. I just woke up and saw him screaming and yelled “Dude, Calm your tits! It’s just the earth moving” and fell back to sleep. Wow! Just wow! I slept through it! How amazing.

So anyways, I have to go and finish some things up, but I will write later.

*YAY FOR 40 DAYS IN HOLLYWOOD! AND MY 50TH POST ON THIS BLOG!!!!!!*** Congrats!

 

-Jonathan S Fisher

*Follow me on Facebook, where you will get daily updates on my life! Thanks!! :0

-Jonathan

971189_539943262784902_1224073514_n A picture of Kyle and I

8120_160864849720_821718_n A Picture of Nathan George (or Nate)

 

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Life in California…..so far

Hey Readers,

So I’ve been in Los Angeles, California for 3 weeks and 5 days. A lot has happened. I know I gave a short brief description on why I was moving and it seemed like a pretty short post. Sorry about that, but you have to understand I was on the bus at the time and I couldn’t concentrate worth squat! Even as I write this post, I may not finish it completely because I only have so much time. So I will do my best.  I love my readers and my followers and thankyou for bearing with me.

So yeah, I took the bus from Grand Rapids, Michigan to Los Angeles, California. It was a 2 day and six-hour trip. I rode the Greyhound bus and we stopped many stops including Chicago, Phoenix, Santa Fe (New Mexico), and many others. I think the best stop was at Oklahoma City because that was when I got out of the bus to stretch and realized I could take my winter jacket off because it was warm weather there (lol……Fuck Michigan weather). It was a fun trip and I did a lot of sleeping and personal reflection. I couldn’t believe I had moved and that I was actually throwing myself to the lions. I felt brave and like I had a major change that was needed in my life. I was pursuing my dreams and I was letting go of everything and leaving my past behind and moving miles away where I would possibly be  alone for weeks at a time.

So I showed up at the bus station Sunday afternoon, 330pm. I was scared and didn’t know where to go. A guy named Andy was supposed to pick me up and  show me around and then take me to a homeless shelter nearby. He didn’t and I was stuck at Greyhound for about two hours just crying and scared. I had no clue where to go and I was frightened. I knew I was in the middle of downtown and close to Skid Row (Which is 100% unsafe and sick). So, after 2 hours I headed over to the McDonald’s just nearby to use the wi-fi there. I sat there for an hour hitting up the gay men there desperately asking for a ride to the nearest shelter and to be shown around. I got no replies. Then I got this strange text. It read “Hey dude, it’s me, Angel. I am out downtown and was wondering if you needed any help? Let me know”. I done freaked out and told this strange guy named “Angel” everything. He told me to sit tight and that he’d be there in 15 minutes.

30 minutes passed and I was worried he had forgotten. I was highly uncomfortable at this time to leave because by then it was 7pm and the sun had set and it was dark out. I saw the homeless man standing outside begging for money and when he saw that I had $20 he asked me for it and I told him no (Wasn’t it enough I looked homeless myself because I had so many bags next to me!? Obviously not. Or he seriously was mentally challenged). Once I told him no he kept walking back and forth around the building. I couldn’t help but think that he would jump me the minute I left the building. So I stay put still petrified. Well, 45 minutes late, Angel showed up with a woman by his side (which I learned later on was Erika) and asked if I was Jonathan. I said yes and he asked how long I had been sitting there for. I told him 3 hours and he asked me where I was from. I then told him my story and he told me to get my stuff and to hop in the car with him.

We rode all the way to his friend’s house. She seemed nice and I thought they were a couple. As soon as we got to their house, Angel explained to me he was gay and that the girl was his best friend, Erica. He then proceeded to tell me he had some errands to run, but that he would be right back to show me around town. I was ok with it because Erica seemed nice and I was also introduced to Brooke, who was her room-mate. So as Angel went to run his errands I talked to Erica. I found out that she herself was Andrew Christian’s Photographer and a professional photographer. As Brooke was a professional wedding planner. I loved these girls. They seemed really chill and they listened to my story and felt Very optimistic for me.

Angel returned and we then proceeded to take a tour of “Korea Town” near downtown Los Angeles. Angel told me probably the best place I could crash at for that night was at the library (The Filipe Denave Branch…or something like that) and also showed me where to get a month bus pass. We all stopped at a sushi shop for dinner and talked a little more and then we returned to the house. Erica decided to put on “The Little Mermaid” and we watched that half way through.  Then I decided it was time for me to leave. So Angel and I took a few of my bags  and he walked  me to the library. He wanted to have sex with me because he gave me that look and asked if there was anything else he could do for me. I wasn’t thinking on the same term and just said no.

So there I had it! I slept on the sidewalk at the library that night and that was the way it was for the next 7 days for me. I didn’t mind it at all because I was free to do whatever I wanted for that day and I could leave my sleeping bag  at the same place and it wouldn’t disappear. I discovered West Hollywood within the next three days. I also Visited Santa Monica Pier/Beach and I also took my first subway train. I was having fun!! I also was very enthusiastic when I discovered West Hollywood (Or WeHo) and the Lesbian And Gay Youth Center on Highland. I knew that this was where I belonged because I could once more feel comfortable cross dressing and being feminine if I wanted.  I’ve got to say I loved my first week in Hollywood because I discovered a lot and I also became quite confident that this is where I belong.

Then week two rolled along. My life quickly changed. I was hanging out in WeHo on Sunday afternoon and put an ad on Craigslist looking for sex because I was horny. Well, this guy by the name of Dan emailed me back and asked if I could host. I told him no. I think he got suspicious so he started asking where I was staying at. I first lied to him saying I had an apartment downtown, but then I ended up telling the real truth. He freaked out and told me he had help coming to get me. I was like ok. Next thing you know A place called “Covenant House California” came up and picked me up. They asked me questions and gave me dinner. Then they gave me a bed for the night and told me to see Outreach in the morning to get a permanent bed in the program for 90 days.

The next day I saw outreach and did a bunch of paperwork. They had to call my mom and confirm I wasn’t welcome back home in Pennsylvania.  We had to wait three hours. My mom called back and in an angry voice said I wasn’t welcome back. Supposively she also gave the reasons why, which we all know.  I was a little emotionally upset over this the next few days, but got over it.  So we did the paperwork and got me into a bed for 90 days.

So that’s where I have been the past two weeks. Been living in this homeless shelter just chilling, looking for jobs, and other things. I’ve made a couple of lesbian friends. And I may not like it here, but at least i get to take two showers, do my laundry (free), and eat 3 meals a day. Plus, I have a case manager that meets me everyday and we discuss my career options and what to do that day. Plus I have free access to health services.

Well, got to go but will write later. Bye.

-Jonathan  S Fisher

 

weho time

 

 

Los Angeles, California Here We come!

It’s funny how things can change in an instant, and that’s what happened with me. Ok, so Obviously by the title you can already tell I am moving to Los Angeles, California. Yes, I am and how did this come to be? Well, let’s start at the beginning. So, as I mentioned in the previous post I was and still am failing in classes. I tried really hard and I even got a tutor, Jonathan Jackson. I was still three weeks behind and I know I missed at least a week of class because I was sick. So, with that I had decided enough was enough and planned on dropping out. I know I am on financial aid and that I will have to pay back $10 Grand, but even then if I continued to attend class I would’ve recieved a grade of E and had my financial aid suspended. So, with that I was gonna have to drop out either way.

It’s not only about the financial aid issue,  it was also some deep thinking I did and what a methhead told me. So, there was this one night when I met this guy, Damon P. Rodriguez, who needed a place to stay for the night. So I met him and talked to him for a couple of hours to make sure he was safe. Then I offered for him to crash at my place for the night because he seemed really nice and chill (the only downfalls: He was a methhead and he was HIV Poz….which didn’t bother me. I told him just to not do the drugs in the house and if we did have sex it’d have to be with two condoms). So he stayed at my house overnight and we were actually up 2am talking about my life.  When I had got home with him, my landlord (Norman Bouma) was yelling at me saying I needed to get out and couldn’t have company over any longer. Him and I were yelling at each other because I was like I get 30 days to leave and he was like I want you out tonight. So Damon stepped in and told him I had 30 days and to leave me alone.

I went to my bedroom and was crying. I was “whining” as Damon put it. He said that I had a pretty messed up life and that I was headed in the wrong direction. I asked him what he meant and he said if I wanted to be a PopStar/MovieActor/Model that going to school was not going to help. Yes, I would learn stuff but in the end I wouldn’t need it. He also said I should consider moving to Hollywood and auditioning there because I’d have more luck there than in Grand Rapids, Michigan. So with that, I started the process of thinking about my options I had. I stayed up for 4 nights in a row packing my bags trying to figure out what to do. I questioned myself: Do I really want to do this? Do I really want to move all the way out to the west? Do I really want to move so far away that there may be a chance that I won’t ever see my family again? Do I really want to face the possibly of paying $10K  and possibly end up in jail if I don’t pay it back? I ask these few question plus many more and thought about it real hard. I was exhausted that whole week because it was all I could think of and I was stressed. Either way, I was gonna be homeless and living on the street in 30 days. I had a decision to make.

So with that, I chose to take a shot at Los Angeles, California. I had weighed all my options and came to the conclusion I was going to Los Angeles. My landlord, got extremely mad but then he saw it as a way to get out of pressing charges on me and paid for the ticket. So with that, I went. And Now I am writing this as I am on my way to California. I am scared and I am happy at the same time. I know this could be great or not. But I am taking my chances. So, Hollywood California here we come!